Get a girlfriend now!!

[John14087]

i havent posted in a while but something been bothering me. Lately i have felt that sex and having a girlfirend are a must for guys my age. I feel as if there is a great deal of peer pressure among my family and friends to get a girlfriend especially among my guy friends. They say like "if u dont go to parties, u wont meet a girl". When they say thay im thinking why should i have to meet a girl at a party who probably wont even remember me the next day because shes so drunk anyway. I dont want to meet a girl like that (drunk girls are a HUGE turnoff for me) anyway.

 

So ive been thinking am i strange for not wanting to meet a girl like that? Am i strange not wanting to go out just to "hit and quit it"?

 

 

P.S. Its not like i dont want a girlfriend. I just want to meet her by some other means.

[chaos]

You're not strange at all, you're just not in the majority. I'm the same way. I have no desire to just bang as many women as possible. I want to find that one special one I can actually have a relationship with. I can't respect a woman who would let herself be treated that way in the first place.

[CarnelianButterfly]

My favorite saying about peer pressure "If they all went and jumped off a bidge would you?" Just because "everyone" is doing doesn't make it right. You are entitled to your own opinions and feelings. If your friends get off like that, fine that's their shallow and meanless existence. You don't have to be like them, be yourself, be who you want to be and if that means you don't follow the mindless masses SO WHAT! Stick to your convictions and you'll be so much happier than if you comprimise them for popular choice.

[Derek]

You'll save yourself and the girls you would "hit it and quit it" alot of hurt by actually caring about them.

 

Those other guys are thinking about their buddies's opinions, their reputations, their own egos, their own selfish desires. They are weaklings, following the peer pressure and the crowd. They don't have an opinion of their own.

 

Who among them actually cares about the girls they are "hitting"?

 

Is that the sort of man you want to be?

 

And when you look at the sort of girls those guys are able to "get", don't you think you could do better? Perhaps a stronger girl that might have some self-respect would be a better catch than a one night drunken pity sex?

 

 

 

[chaos]

On the other side of the coin, you'll spend a LOT more time alone by not following your buddies. You have to do whats right for you, but it's a lonely road. Apparently women with self-respect AND who are actually interested in me, are extremely hard to find... I'm 30 and still looking. I hate to say it but, you should really just enjoy yourself while you can. This is about the only time in your life where girls are going to be this easy. No reason you can't have some fun while waiting for the mythical self-respecting girl to come along.

[John14087]

Why does she have to be mythical? I dont want to have to settle with some party girl, not that i would get her anyway but still. Im not the "party type" anyway and why pretend to be something that im not. Wouldnt it to be better to have a girl know u for who u really are instead of some beer chugging, lound mouth idiot?

[Kevin T]

I'm in the same boat as you, John.

 

I'm not into the whole wild, partying, drunken reprobate scene either. It's not my thing and it never will be. There are decent, respectable girls out there, but you just have to find 'em! (I know, easier said than done!) But trust me, they DO exist. "Mythical?" Hardly. Better watch, that kind of optimism is catchy. lol Seriously though, they're not as rare as you may think. But one place they WON'T be, is at the local bar getting plastered three ways from last Sunday.

[chaos]

Of course it would be. I'm just telling you those girls are hard to find, assuming they exist at all. I don't think women have the slightest clue as to what they want. Sure they'll have a long list of qualities they'd like in a guy, and for guys like us we think "great, finally a girl who'll appreciate me!" But then they turn around and end up with guys like your friends. So, ideally, what you're looking for would be great, I'm still waiting for it myself. But after 30 years, I really wish I'd had the opportunity to have the kind of fun your friends are having when I was that age.

[Kevin T]

You sound awfully jaded. I'm not saying you don't have your reasons, but I know what you're saying does not apply to all women. I've met many decent, respectable girls, so they may be a little hard to find (depends on where you look), but they are definitely out there!

 

I think some women have no clue what they want, like a lot of men. But I think there are also a lot of women who DO know what they want; they're just like us... they don't know how to get it or if they do, they don't know where to find it!

[chaos]

I am jaded. Why? Because I'm a nice guy and unfortunately, that means all I ever do is get * * * * on by women. I'm also fresh off yet ANOTHER rejection, so I'm a bit angry at the moment as well. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm not right. I still say John should enjoy himself while he can. Eventually you get too old for those opportunities and you don't want to look back and realize you missed out. Even Kevin admits they're hard to find so why be miserable and lone in the meantime?

[Iceman26]

Quit looking for a girlfriend. You can't "look" for one. Like most things in life, it just happens. Regardless, there isn't really any point to having a girlfriend at your age anyways. Why? Because people are constantly changing at your age and serious girlfriends are pointless to have when you are that young.

 

Have fun, date around, and don't worry about girls.

[CarnelianButterfly]

... waiting for the mythical self-respecting girl to come along.

I guess you can just call me a Unicorn or better yet a Dragon. I have a lot of self-respect and I know exactly what I want from life. Maybe your attitude is why you don't attract strong women. Could you even handle being with a determined and self-assured partner. From your posts, I'd say no. I wouldn't want to be with someone who claims to be nice, but make backhanded over-generalized comments that are derogatory and self-centered. Also, I don't think there are many "nice guys" out there who would encourage someone earnestly seeking advice to go ahead and use women, there not worth your cares anyway.

[Derek]

CarnelianB, you put chaos in his place yo! *snap!*

 

 

 

It's a fundamental question, do you live for the empty pleasure (and painful consequences) of a fleeting moment, or try to build a lifetime of moments and memories with a like-minded person of the opposite sex?

 

What kind of man are you?

 

You're better off filling your life with experiences and adventures (travel, sports, adventures, adrenaline, schools, weird jobs) and along the way finding a girl that wants to adventure along side you and not drag you down. It'll make a better man out of you.

[chaos]

Maybe you're an exception, I don't know you, so I can't say. However, I've met plenty of women who say they're one thing and turn out to be totally different. Now, if you'd actually read my posts instead of jumping on the defensive, you'd understand why I'm a little angry with women at the moment. I'm usually a very nice guy so don't tell me what my "attitude" usually is, because, before yesterday, this wasn't it. I would love to meet a woman who actually knew what she wanted and had self-respect enough to not let people treat her like crap. The fact remains, from my experience, lots of women claim to be one thing and are in fact something totally different. Maybe a nice guy wouldn't give the advice I have, maybe I'm not a nice guy anymore. Well, that's just fine. That just means I'll have a lot less problems getting a woman. Nice guys finish last... Better John learn that now then spend years being nice to women... Nice and miserable and alone.

[CarnelianButterfly]

So because you feel miserable you feel that justifies using and desposing of women with no reguard for their feelings. A little spread the wealth mentality? Make everyone feel miserable, that sounds like a well thought out and forward thinking ideal. Have fun with that.

 

PS: I'm not being defensive, I think you're projecting a little to much...

[chaos]

Where did I EVER say anybody should use and this dispose of women? I'm saying go out and have fun. These girls he's not interested in are letting themselves be used because they have no self-respect. If they want to be sperm dumpsters then why not have some fun and give them what they want. At least that way he's not alone in his dorm room hoping a worthwhile woman knocks on his door?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Sperm dumpsters? You are a charmer! I can't believe women don't just flock to you.

 

There are things to do besides meaningless sex, like going to a coffee shop or cafe and talking to women there. Or how about the talking to girls in his classes. It takes effort to meet people and form lasting relationships. There are many, many women out there who don't want worthless sexual flings, but caring and full relationships.

[chaos]

You can thank Family Guy for that.

 

I'm sure there are lots of women who want caring full relationships. Just not with nice guys, that's my point. They want the bad boy, the mysterious, dangerous, alpha male. They want to take that guy and change him into the nice guy because "if he really loved me he'd change". Well, they don't, but most women never figure that out. So, once again, the nice guy is left out in the cold or worse, he get's "friendzoned".

 

Why are you taking it so personally anyway? I'm not saying anything about YOU, I'm simply talking about most women in my experience. Now, maybe I just have horrible luck. Maybe I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time and so never meet these strong women you speak of. But you can't deny that most women, at some point in their lives, go after the wrong guys, continually let themselves be used, and generally have little to no self-respect.

[Derek]

(Aside to chaos, dude you care about their opinion too much, you've got to act like you are the prize, and people will believe what you act like. You don't have to be a jerk to have a quiet confidence in yourself.)

 

What seems to attract women like honey is being confident. Confidence can mean being comfortable in your own skin as a man, being authentically yourself, being transparent, being happy with your life, having a goal or direction you are heading in, having many interests and experiences that you can share with others. (skills)

 

Sometimes being "nice" can be perceived as complacent, a doormat, no opinion of their own, a placating "yes" man, thus weak. And many women don't respect that at first glance. You'd have to get past that initial barrier.

 

Living a life as full and as fun as can be without a care in the world for whether women are there or not is very attractive to them. They will want to join your party. They want to get on your life's train wherever it is going.

 

You've got to have a train to jump onto.

 

 

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe I'm taking it personally because I'm a woman and your remarks are derogatory towards all women because you contiually say "MOST". Your limited exposure, yes I say limited because there is no way for you to humanly meet most of this planets women, have in no way given you the right to generalize your perseption of the feelings of people you don't know. You also have no way of knowing what women really want largely due in part to the fact you are not a woman. Unless most of the world's women have sat down with you and discussed their goals, ambitions and desires you can not say that you know what all women want in their partners.

[chaos]

So I guess everytime a woman comes onto these boards * * * * *ing about how ALL men are scum and ALL men are * * * * * * * * that's okay? So everytime women generalize men, and I'm sure you've done it yourself, that's okay too because they've talked to ALL men everywhere and know that ALL men are worthless, sex crazed, jerks? It's called venting sweetheart. I'm pissed because I got burned, AGAIN, and I'm releasing my anger here so as to avoid hurting any real feelings. It's an internet forum for Christ's sake!

 

Derek: I made piece with the way I am a long time ago. Once the anger fades I'll be back to that guy. I know who I am and I'm comfortable with that. But, like you say, it's that initial barrier I can't get past. It's that initial barrier that has me so angry right now because, without acting like a jerk, MOST women won't take the time to look past it. Thus the argument that the women who can are so hard to find. As for living life without caring whether a woman is there or not well... It's kind of hard when the only thing I've ever wanted in life was to fall in love with the right woman and be able to share that life with her.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Then you should vent in your own thread.

[chaos]

If I offended you in anyway, CB, I apologize, it was not my intent. Now that I've cooled off somewhat I'll tell you that I don't mean most of what I said. I actually have a lot more I could say but I don't see how explaining myself will help much. Let me just finish by saying that if John is not comfortable in those situations and doesn't find those girls attractive then, by all means, you don't have to do it. I just don't want him to turn out like me... 30, alone and becoming increasingly bitter and hopeless in regards to ever finding the right girl.

[Miss M]

Well, it seems there's another thread somewhat derailed.

 

Just so everyone knows CB isn't in this alone, (because this really isn't about CB at all)... chaos, I also found comments offensive to women. And I'm not wanting to create another big argument about it, but just know that both the men AND women who come to this community are here because of being mistreated by the other gender. But even so, we're not here to trash each other... we're here to help and support each other. I'm 50 years old, and I've been getting mistreated by guys for as long as you've been alive, and yet I still don't have an anger at the whole gender that will cause me to recommend that another woman should mistreat guys.

 

Now, in an effort to address the OP's concerns...

 

I agree with those who've said be true to yourself. The peer pressure may feel significant, but it's not really what counts in the end. And really, you're the only one you have to deal with regarding the choices you made, not your peers. You're the only one who has to look in the mirror at the end of the day. So if being carefree (careless) with women is not your thing, then don't do it just because everyone else is telling you to do that. Honor yourself, and honor your core feelings, because that's all you really have in the end.

 

 

Exactly right.... and exactly my point. And it may be difficult to imagine, but there's actually a female version of you thinking these same thoughts. She feels very alone in this world because she's so different. And she's not a party type, and she's thinking she shouldn't have to pretend, or settle for some beer chugging loud mouth idiot guy. Wishing you the best of luck in finding her.

[Dako]

As a bruised dumpee I've written some pretty cynical posts about women in these threads without being flamed by women. I've also learned a lot here about what my future holds as a single guy by paying attention to the diverse opinions of real women. Even women who've burned me were pretty nice folks.

I have to agree with the girls about some of these over-the-top statements. Women are each unique and interesting people.

 

Even though I fear them, I find them wonderful.