Well, I Had a Great Excuse at Least!

[curlygirl47]

I am moving to Columbia, away from this small town and away from Paul. I broke 6 days of no contact today to call and ask him if he would be interested in buying my furniture, which would give me enough money to pay the deposit on the new place. (He owns about 20 rental properties and frequently buys groups of furniture so that he can put them in the rentals.) I didn't realize that he just had a tonsillectomy this morning. I thought he had it earlier this week, and I was just going to leave a message, but he answered and sounded amazingly well. I couldn't believe he could even speak, but he said 3 pain pills helped him manage the pain for now. Anyway, he asked me a few questions, "So you're moving? Does your new place have furniture," etc? (It doesn't, but I'm just going to start all over, literally, and that's what I told him --- I'll buy an air mattress to sleep on, and that will be all I have for a while.) I don't really care; I've never had much, my furniture is not worth much, and I want out of this town with all its memories. He said he would give me $500 for all of it, but I said, "No, the amount of the deposit is $360, so I'll just take that. He called me a butthole (because I'm proud and stubborn), and then said he would do whatever he could to help, his truck or whatever, and I said I didn't need it. (I will probably get a small U-Haul and load up some of my boxes and just put the rest in storage.) I asked if he wanted me to come and stay with him (to care for him as he's recovering in the next few days), and he said that wouldn't be a good idea because he had too much on his mind. He then asked if the trade (the money for the furniture) came with directions to my new place, and he laughed. I'm not sure what he meant by that. I didn't really answer because I found the question confusing, since he had just said he wasn't comfortable being around me. What the hell? Anyway, he asked how I was, and I told him I have to have a biopsy, but other than that I'm okay. He said for me to let him know the results of the biopsy. He said twice it was good to hear from me, and I just said, "Yeah, thanks." His moods are so up and down, and I love him but he hurts me and pisses me off. Still, the buy-out on the furniture will mean that I can move to the new place, so whatever.

 

I don't feel so good right now, but I'll deal with it. I think the move is a good idea. Speaking of changing moods, I may change my plans by tomorrow, but right now it feels right.

[Rebel]

Just a small word of advice from someone who's tried... No matter how fast or far, you cannot outrun memories. Best of luck in your new place though

[curlygirl47]

I can outrun people in this town who think they have to tell me who he was out with this weekend and how young she was and where else they've seen him, etc, and make me feel like hell. I can outrun seeing the places we've gone to together. I can outrun the memories of being together in the bed I'm still sleeping in right now. I can outrun some of it, at least. But more importantly, I'm making the move because there is nothing to do here but go to bars, and Columbia has all kinds of wonderful things to do and get interested in: social clubs, political coffee clubs, art clubs and classes, meditation classes, etc. I have to learn to do something besides go to bars; I have to find a better way to live, and I have to occupy my mind.

[coooolsome]

You are not outrunning it, you are just distancing yourself from the things that will hurt you and there is nothing wrong with it. As long as its right for you, you are fine. Also, take the 500.00 if its still available. Dont do him any favors and you could use the money.

[curlygirl47]

I'm hurt that he didn't want me to come over and help him --- but then he probably has somebody else to do that. Anyway, I'm giving that up to God, and I will try not to be embarrassed that I asked. I've asked twice, in fact, and I really think it was the only appropriate thing to do when he is in pain and when he came to visit me twice in the hospital a few weeks ago. I think it was taking the high road, even if he sees it as a desperate ploy to be with him.

 

Anyway, he's right. It's probably for the best, and you're right --- I should take the money. I imagine he'll offer me the $500 again when he has the chance; that's how he is, and it is a good bit of furniture. So maybe I'll take it.

 

Time to move, if all goes well tomorrow.

[Bethany]

If you do decide to go, please DON'T give him your new address. Take this time for you, to heal etc where you know you are truly free of him. And when you're ready and really feeling like that, it's possible go back and not be affected by the places and memories of old times with your ex.

[curlygirl47]

I should add that I'll still be working in the same little town, but at least I won't be going to the same old places when I'm off work, and hopefully will rarely run into people who want to give me troubling information. I just go out to lunch every now and then with a colleage. The drive will be about 45 minutes, but I've driven longer than that to and from work before.

[Nathalie1970]

I think it's great that you are moving away from your small town and it's unbelievable gossipers. (I know how you feel as I live in a small gossipy town ) Take the money, you will need it in the long run.

 

When are you going to move??

[whatif]

How are you Curly? We haven't heard from you lately. Keep us informed of your condition and whereabouts.