I just need to talk to someone

[shytitan]

Thanks for being here. I dont even know what category this should go in. Probably the pity party category but oh well. Im writing this as my roommate is in the other room with a beautiful woman doing things I havent done in so long its more pathetic than you can imagine. Im not mad at him of course, Im jealous of what seems to be so easy for him and virtually everyone else.

Im now 30 years old now, and its been over ten years since Ive had a girlfriend or even had sex. I know, it's pathetic, its far beyond pathetic actually, this is my life. In my past I was a dog to the women in my life. Especially the one woman that did nothing but love me. She was my first love and I was hers. Ive had girlfriends since, but only a couple, and no where near the same emotions were involved as were with her. We met in high school and as I said I was a dog. Not realising what I had, I pushed her away so that I could be free. I broke up with her. This has proven to be the worst single moment of my life. I remember the day very clearly. She was heartbroken and sobbing relentlessly, I was cold. I didnt deserve her, and so lost her. I was an animal. I even left thinking she would always be there, of course, she wasnt. MAny years after we split she found someone who married her and they now have a family I understand.

I accept the fact that I dont deserve her. Anyone that was as mean in the face of love as I was maybe doesnt even deserve love. This is what I believe. I hope Im not right. Its sad living so alone. I know that she and I have no hope of ever being together, shes married, its been years since we;ve even spoken. I have no dillusions about us ever being together, but I still think about her every waking moment, and its getting harder to deal with it on a daily basis. I dont know if anyone has any advice. I dont know what to think anymore. It seems so common sense, get over it and move on. Be assertive and get another gorl. Its all good in theory but women dont like me much anymore, and all I can think about is her anyway. Well thanks for being here to be an outlet for me. I appreciate anyone who has read my pathetic story, and I hope it can provide a warning for anyone headed in the same direction.

W

[friscodj]

It seems so common sense, get over it and move on. Be assertive and get another gorl.

 

Welcome to ENA!

 

I think this says it all right here. This is totally up to you. Why don't girls like you anymore? Why do you feel that way? You've learned from the past it seems. The past is the past and the future is the future. Make it happen man...

[Tigris]

I'm sure that if you go out to pubs, clubs, etc., you'll bump into someone and a relationship will develop. I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my 2nd husband. He just opened the door and walked in and I fell in love with him straight away. We'd been together 15 years!

 

Last year I was talking to a 17 year old girl on here because I couldn't work out who I was anymore. She's a lesbian and I got talking to her. She realised I needed her Mother's help (she's a counsellor) and we started chatting about my problem. As time moved on I realised who I was and what I wanted, HER! We fell in love and I asked her to marry me. She lives in Australia and I live in England. I visited her recently and proposed on bended knee. We're sorting our problems out so we can be together and get married next year!

 

My advice to you is, 'Stop looking for someone and you'll find the right person by accident!'

 

Good luck and take care.

[Goodfun88]

It seems to me as though you are punishing yourself for this mistake you've made so long ago. Although you have hurt someone in the past you know that it was wrong and you shouldn't feel so guilty anymore. You deserve happiness, remember that.

[Scout]

If you've been pining over a lost high school love for ten years and haven't really had a relationship since then, I would suggest counseling at this point. You sound extremely depressed, and your fixation on the past is seriously holding your life up, my friend.

 

Why don't you break free from this sorrow, and get some professional guidance? I think it would do you a world of good. Maybe in your heart you know it's time to do so, too. There is no shame in seeking help when we're just, simply put, stuck and can't figure out how to get unstuck.

[fishrrshortae]

I would also like to add that a LOT changes between high school and where you are at. Say you did see her again somewhere, you probably wouldnt have anything in common with her any more. Honestly I think that you are holding onto a fantasy of times long gone.

 

Are you doing anything to try to meet people? There are lots of ways to meet people, including randomly, but you have to be open to it/confident, etc. Maybe you should look into counseling if you can afford it.

 

good luck!

[shytitan]

Thanks everyone for your responses. You are all correct and I appreciate your advice. Change is somethieng that Im working very hard on and your words of encouragment mean alot to me. Thank you again.

[Scout]

Then keep posting away...we're here for you. Lots of us came to this site originally because of recognition that how we were leading our lives just wasn't working for us anymore. Change starts with confronting the fact you need change. So, you've already started the work!