Thanks for being here. I dont even know what category this should go in. Probably the pity party category but oh well. Im writing this as my roommate is in the other room with a beautiful woman doing things I havent done in so long its more pathetic than you can imagine. Im not mad at him of course, Im jealous of what seems to be so easy for him and virtually everyone else.
Im now 30 years old now, and its been over ten years since Ive had a girlfriend or even had sex. I know, it's pathetic, its far beyond pathetic actually, this is my life. In my past I was a dog to the women in my life. Especially the one woman that did nothing but love me. She was my first love and I was hers. Ive had girlfriends since, but only a couple, and no where near the same emotions were involved as were with her. We met in high school and as I said I was a dog. Not realising what I had, I pushed her away so that I could be free. I broke up with her. This has proven to be the worst single moment of my life. I remember the day very clearly. She was heartbroken and sobbing relentlessly, I was cold. I didnt deserve her, and so lost her. I was an animal. I even left thinking she would always be there, of course, she wasnt. MAny years after we split she found someone who married her and they now have a family I understand.
I accept the fact that I dont deserve her. Anyone that was as mean in the face of love as I was maybe doesnt even deserve love. This is what I believe. I hope Im not right. Its sad living so alone. I know that she and I have no hope of ever being together, shes married, its been years since we;ve even spoken. I have no dillusions about us ever being together, but I still think about her every waking moment, and its getting harder to deal with it on a daily basis. I dont know if anyone has any advice. I dont know what to think anymore. It seems so common sense, get over it and move on. Be assertive and get another gorl. Its all good in theory but women dont like me much anymore, and all I can think about is her anyway. Well thanks for being here to be an outlet for me. I appreciate anyone who has read my pathetic story, and I hope it can provide a warning for anyone headed in the same direction.
W
