A Break

[brownigirl]

Okay...so here's the story...my b/f and I had been having a lot of problems..a lot of external issues that would have a huge impact on our relationship (ie. friends opinions...which shouldn't have an impace but let's face it, always does...you want your friends to like your sig. other and vice versa)...and so things weren't perfect and my b/f had been having health issues, panic attacks and such...so one day he was calling me right around the time I got off work, but my phone was dead, and I was at the grocery store...didn't think it was a big deal to be incommunicado for a little bit, but he was apparently trying to call me, and when he couldn't get ahold of me...he freaked out... * * * * *ed me out and broke up with me over my voicemail...he definitely wasn't in the right state of mind and immediately took things back and regretted it...but it hurt, he said very mean and hateful things, and things that played off of my insecurities about our issues (which he says he didn't mean...) and so now...we are on a break...we don't want to continue hurting one another but we don't want to break up...I miss him a ton...but I don't feel like I can do this anymore...I am going crazy..worrying about everything...but I truly don't know if we can work out these problems...I can't seem to forget the things he said and I just don't know what to do from here, is the break a good idea, should we give up and break up...I don't know what to do....I need advice..

[DN]

Bear in mind that break usually becomes a break-up. Is that what you want?

 

Maybe you should try solving the issues together rather than avoiding or postponing them by going on a break.

[Blue In Texas]

Is he seeing a therapist about his panic attacks? From what you say, that seems to be the underlying source of his behavior and hence your problems. If he is not, it might be worth seeing if he can get professional help before making a decision on breaking up or taking a break.

[brownigirl]

No I don't want that...but I just worry that there are issues that we can't get past....and we are retaining contact...as far as talking on a daily basis we just aren't seeing each other...but talking seems to make it harder.

[NJRon]

I agree with the above two posters. Talk to him about getting treatment for his anxiety. If he doesn't want to do that, then *that's* a problem.

 

How long have you been going out? A lot really depends on how vested you are in this relationship. Are you willing to try and see this through is he gets treatment? Are you willing to break up with him if he doesn't?

 

The fact is, unless he does seek treatment, a "break" is going to do nothing. So, one way or the other.

[brownigirl]

Is he seeing a therapist about his panic attacks? From what you say, that seems to be the underlying source of his behavior and hence your problems. If he is not, it might be worth seeing if he can get professional help before making a decision on breaking up or taking a break.

 

He did see a doctor who gave him some pills to take, but he isn't seeing a therapist...and I really don't know if the pills are helping or not...he won't tell me when/if he is taking them...doesn't want me to worry..

[NJRon]

Well, educate him as to the fact that this is the central issue in your relationship and that you deserve to know everything. He needs to swallow his pride here and include you in his life. This isn't just affecting him.

[brownigirl]

I agree with the above two posters. Talk to him about getting treatment for his anxiety. If he doesn't want to do that, then *that's* a problem.

 

How long have you been going out? A lot really depends on how vested you are in this relationship. Are you willing to try and see this through is he gets treatment? Are you willing to break up with him if he doesn't?

 

The fact is, unless he does seek treatment, a "break" is going to do nothing. So, one way or the other.

 

 

We have been dating since October..but things moved rather slowly as my nephew died in November and I just wasn't in a place to put a relationship on the top of my priority list...and he was amazingly patient thru all of that, and did whatever he could. I would be willing to try and see it thru...but after those message I'm a little scared it could be detrimentle to my own mental health...I mean...I have been somewhat depressed since my nephews unexpected death and being his punching bag would not help.

[NJRon]

Yeah, you really need to make sure he is gettig help. If he won't share with you exactly what he is doing, then all you have for his efforts are how he treats you. If, in the end, it's doing more harm then good. Then it is porbably in both your best interests to end it now, while it's still early.

[anxietygrl]

Hey he needs a therapist asap, Im like your sig. other with anxiety/panic attacks...it basically rules my relationship for the past few years. It's a horrible thing bc it affects EVERTHING.

 

Therapy helped alot....please get him to go. Hopefully he will realize that its hurting your two and hopefully can resolve this issue.

[Scout]

He was there for you when you needed him. Be there for him now, because it sounds like he needs you, too. That's what relationships are all about.

 

Explain to him, though, that your support should not be confused with accepting his outbursts.