Want another chance..Need Advice

[crvers]

My girlfriend had been together for 2.25 years and lived together for 6 months. We had also been friends for 1.5 years before our relationship. We had been having problems since the beginning of January. I had pulled away because I was confused about how I felt about her. Also to throw into the mix I was attracted to another girl who had always been a question in my mind during my relationship.

 

As I pulled away I made my girlfriend become more depressed about us. Finally when I was ready to talk about it she found an msn history with me flirting with another girl. It may not have been so bad if we were doing better and that I was showing her I cared. I told her I was unsure about us and that I just needed time.

 

A week later she sat me down and talked about how she had been depressed about everything lately and that maybe she should move home. I didn't stop her. I wish I had now but I didn't, I thought it only fair that I figure my stuff out and maybe if I was lucky I could come back to her a better man.

 

So 5 days later she moved home. For the next 2 weeks we'd talk everyday about stuff and say goodnight to one another. Meanwhile the girl I thought I had feelings for had started to contact me. And we hung out as friends a couple times. I realized quickly that I had made a mistake and that I wanted my girlfriend back. And this wasn't because i realized that i didn't feel anything fer the other girl but that i couldn't stop thinking about my ex and how i was a fool. But how do u tell someone who loves u that u want them back after letting them leave.

 

I decided that maybe I should wait that she still loved me and I could ask her when it didn't look like I was scared and lonely. When I stopped talking to the other girl she sent me a heartfelt email about how she felt over the years. (we had been friends throughout my

relationship). I replied saying that I was unsure about my feeling about everything and told her I might want to get back with my ex…but we could hang out and see. Well my ex read my email. She read both the girls email and my reply. We went for dinner the next night and she gave me a kiss and I began to cry. I wanted to tell her so much I loved her and wanted her back but held back.

 

After she got out of the car everything changed. She stopped calling me and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I talked to her best friend and she told me it was over and to move on. I became angry and told my ex I wanted the keys to the apartment she had been holding onto back. She started to cry and asked me why I was mad. I just said it was time. But it turns out she thought I was angry because a guy who had a thing for her for the last number of

years had been hanging out with her and her friends. She said nothing is going on and I believe her, but it just feels like he's replacing me, just filling the gap in the group.

 

I became an emotional idiot since I became jealous and scared that I would never get her back. I began emailing, texting, and calling her. It was a very bad move. I showed up outside her home and waited for her to get the keys and give her some remaining i tems. I cried and begged her to give me another chance. She said that she couldn't trust me, she didn't feel we had a future and we wouldn't work out, and to move on. I went home in tears. I continued to pursue her for 2 more days, until she hung up on me. I knew that I should stop and came out of my emotional tyrant.

 

I am no longer allowed to talk to her because she is fed up with me. This all happen in the last week. I love her, I miss her and want her back. I know I deserve everything I am getting right now, but all I want is the chance to prove to her how good of a man I can be, and how great I could be to her. I know I sound selfish but she makes me happy and I lost sight of that. I lost sight of how great she is. I just don't know what to do, and I lost my best friend. I lost everything. I just need advice. I'm sorry this is so long

[shamus]

my friend...

i'm in the same boat

broke nc

we got into a text war, i started it by saying some insensitive things being an emotional idiot...she says she would never ever take me back.

 

 

it ended with her saying be happy. be good. i will always remember the good times. i will love you 4ever no matter what you think

 

i left it at that.

let her miss you. she may move on, she may not. the worst thing you can do is what i did. i may have ruined any chance ever. so i'm letting her go. in a few months, if you still miss her, give her a call, or text. she what she says. she may miss you as well, she may have moved on.

 

only time will tell. if it's meant to be, it will be

[GottaLetItBurn]

Shamus, I almost did what you did.

 

When we got into the text thing the first time, she started getting defensive, maybe guilty because she didn't want it to be her fault. Said I was her "Bestest friend ever and what happened".

 

We were never a couple, she blew me off for her ex, he is a loser really. Then she had tried keeping contact so random, and it has hurt. I can't believe she did this to me. I have moved on though, like you said let them miss you.

 

You have to move on. Let them feel like they are making a mistake. To the first post, you made her think you need her back and thats what messed it up.

 

Sorry for your loss, stay up peace

[crvers]

Yeah, the worst thing i coulda done was collapse the way i did and go on a rant. Its weird i have discovered that talking ot her friend is worse than talking to her. To elaborate on this, her friend is the one telling me its completely over and that i should move on. At the same time she is also pressuring my ex to do the same. And to help she brought the dude into the picture. Best advice i could give anyone is to never talk to the friend, if u want answers go to the ex because it'll only screw u up worse if u don't since there'll be more questions than answers.

 

Now to continue the story ....So the other night i had to pick some things up from a mutual friends of ours. I knew she was gonna be there and decided i didn't care. When i went in we talked fer a few minutes quietly. She seemed upset to see me...but not angry just sad. (see my last posting "repost....for more advice and a turn...") I told her i missed her and she said she did too. I told her i missed talking to her and she said she did too. we then looked one another in the eyes fer ahwile...i made a joke about how i acted the other week and apologized and she laughed. I asked her if i could call her and she said to leave it to her. And before that i asked if i could stay fer awhile and she shook her head no...seemed like she couldnt say the words. I told her i loved her, got up, and left....

 

I know i have to wait...but does it seem like she really does miss me, when i sat beside her she didn't really react like i was a virus or anything...she just seemed sad and all i wanted to do was hold her.

[tyler711]

Good advice from both posters. I was in a similar situation, so I know how you feel, but it all turned out good. Just keep doing what you ended your post with. The more contact you make, the more begging you do, and the more emotional you become over it, the worse it gets. You have to let her come to her own realizations of things. If she wants to come back then she will in her own time and in her own way. If not, then letting go will be easier for both of you if you keep a cool head. Good luck friend.

[Scout]

I think you have a great chance of getting back with her, because you sound truly remorseful. Let's face it, a week is actually a very short time, and not long enough to prove to your girl that you are now trustworthy. She needs time to see that. She needs time to see you prove this trust through your actions.

 

If I was your girlfriend, I'd need about a week of space and quiet at this point. And then I would want to hear from you again. And what I would want to hear is this:

 

"First, I apologize for contacting you again. I know you wanted me to stop. And if you truly need that for a while, I promise I will give that to you. But I just want you to know that I meant what I said: I will do whatever you need me to do to earn and most importantly, keep your trust. You've been through a lot because of me, and I can never express how sorry I am for causing you such pain. Thank you for opening my eyes. You have no idea how much I've grown in the last several weeks. It's about damn time. I just hope it's not too late, but I certainly deserve it if it is.

 

If you need anything at all, please let me know. If you need to talk, vent, ask questions - anything - again, just let me know."

[crvers]

Honestly lady, u almost made me cry. I hope u read the second posting in this messaging scheme. I want her back and will wait as long as i need to. I just can't stop seeing her lying on that couch or hearing her whisper in my ear how she used to love me. (this never happened but only in my dreams).

 

I have grown up in the last couple weeks. Realized exactly what i want and that is her. The thing is how could u ever expect someone who u let move home and away from u ever want to come back. I just don't understand how that could ever happen and that is why i am so scared she doesn't want anything from me anymore. I am moving along with my life...but continue to hokd some sorta hope she still loves me.

[Scout]

Of course she still loves you! And yes, you're right....she's going to have some anger and distrust for some time to come. You absolutely have to respect that.

 

I also would advise you pray about this situation, if you're a spiritual person. Ask whatever Higher Power you believe in to guide both of you during this difficult time in a way that reunites your relationship to a deeper, trusting, lasting level. Because right now, you really have to let the Universe do its work, at least for the next week. And it shall.