Trust issues in a relationship

[Cecil de Volange]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months now. I have never been happier in my life, because my last relationship was very traumatic (abuse and betrayal). The problem is that I keep having doubt about my new boyfriend might cheat or just use me like my ex. I know he wouldn't....my boyfriend is a great guy, kind, loyal, and the prince charming that I have always wish to save me from my loneliness. Although everytime he does something wrong I get irrational and telling him that his like my ex...abusive and stuff. His now getting angry for still mistrusting him...and I can understand that....I just need some advice to what I should do...like how can I take away this feeling of doubt and just trust my loving boyfriend???? I don't want to lose him because he made me so...happy and I want to repay him by making him happy. In a relationship...love, respect, and trust must exist....my relationship have Love and respect...but trust is missing..He doesn't trust me right now because I make small lies that I wouldn't hurt myself....please help.

[eleanorrigby1]

I am in a similar position, too similiar!

 

My ex had recently had his heart broken by his first love when we met and I spent a lot of time feeling afraid he was going to leave me for her, but he would say to me "I love you so much you are a million times better than her" and I believed him, and i loved him and I danced on cloud and life was great and little by little he began to be really odd with me, falling asleep in front of the TV, we never had sex, we never went out, we never really spoke. I would ask him if it was me and he would say "i love you!"

 

then one day he basically explains that he didnt love me, he never had, he had tried, because I was a nice person, treated him so much better than his ex and his family loved me, it was convenient to be with me, it would have been more convenient if he could have loved me, but he couldnt. I was devestated, I thought I might die from the pain and I said to him "the next time someone tells me they love me Im going to tell them to f**k off!" and I never saw him again. That was two and a half years ago.

 

I remained single for almost two years until I met my current boyfriend. I found out a couple of months into the relationship that he had recently had his heart broken by his first love before meeting me and the anxiety i felt, I was crying constantly (not around him, he had no idea!) and I felt sick. I was convinced he was just kidding himself being with me because he obviously thought i was just a nice person and a nice girl and a decent girlfriend just like my ex. I compared him mentally all the time!

 

One day he said to me "you are so nice to me! you treat me so well.." I almost died inside, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and i cried for ages, because to me, those words were like an insult, i was suddenly so afraid that it meant he would leave me, that i was boring and not challenging and not as good as the 'horrible' ex that he loved so much.

 

He says she was an emotional retard and that she never spoke about he feelings, that it was like taking to a brick wall, that they never had anything in common. why did he love her so then?

 

me and him have so much in common it feels sometimes, like we were destined to meet and be together, but I have this terrible terrible fear that he is going to turn round and say "I am sorry, but. blah blah" same speach.

 

You know what I did? I sat down and i wrote down everything my ex did or said to me and how it affected me then and how it affects me now, I filled pages and pages. I then wrote everything that I feel about my current boyfriend including all my fears.

 

I re-read it all, I cried lots being reminded of past pain and then I burnt all the paper and I said to myself "I can either be brave and maybe trust again (A little, the hurt takes time to go away, more than a backyard bonfire!) or I can be alone and dwell on my misery forever"

 

Who wants to be alone because of what some d*ckhead did to us? Why give them that power over us?

 

Not all men are the same, they are all very different.

 

please don't give up on your current boyfriend because he may be nothing like your ex. You will never know unless you give him a chance and stop referring to your ex, or mentionning your ex because its gotta hurt Mr Current Boyfriend.

 

I know of the anxious tummy pains and the sick feeling when the past haunts, but life goes on.

 

Good luck