question about how to procede...

[Dogg]

I have been dating this girl for a little over two weeks now. We get along great. we have never had that "moment of awkeward silence" in any of our conversations. She pursues me just as much if not more than I do the pursuing. She tells me all the time that she loves spending time with me and she is always sending me little emails and texts saying that she is thinkning about me hoping that I am having a good day and all that stuff. Right now, it really seems that she is perfect. We have gone out on many dates, to the movies, to restaurants, bars at night and so on and so forth. We have a really good time together. I have been at her house and have met her mother and her sister and they sem to really like me as well. Anyway, my question is this, I would like to take this "relationship" further, you know, ask her to be exclusive (I know that she is already not dating any one else) and ask her to be my "girlfriend". I just am afraid of the results. I do not want to push her away, and I do not want to jump into anything that I and she may not be ready for. I know that I would like this girl to be my girlfriend, for I think really highly of her, am very attracted to her and can see this thing raelly being good and going somewhere but I still get nervous. Does anyone have any suggestins as to how to proceeed?

[robowarrior]

You always miss if you never shoot right?

 

thereforeeee its a win win situation for you.

 

If you ask her to be your gf and she says no, you can move on with your life, if she says yes you can date her exclusively like you desire.

 

Cast off your fear,

look forward,

move forward,

retreat and you will age,

hesitate and you will die,

[Dogg]

well, I hear what you are saying, its not really that I am nervous about what she will say, its more that I am nervous that I will somehow mess things up. I do not want to rush into things, I do not want to move faster than I and she may be ready for. I was most definitly going to wait at least a little while longer anyway just to see how things continue to pan out. We have this week, then

i am driving her to the airport on Saturday because she is flyin to Florida to visit family until Thursday so if anything, it willl be at least two weeks till I truly actually consider making this next move in full. I figure that that will be enough time to gage what the sitaution is, because that would make it about a month of "dating" and hangin out. we shall see....

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on cool ways that I could actaully make this happen too? I mean I have not done this in a while and I am 27 years old so I do not want to make it an infantile request or have it seem like third grade all over again either. Is there a smooth sort of way that a man can ask a woman to be exclusive so that they are "boyfriend & gilrfriend?"

[Princess18]

i think she seems really keen if shes letting you know shes thinking about you and persuing you- just ask her what's going on between you- tell her you want her to be your girlfriend because you feel that things are going great. i doubt she'll say no

[Princess18]

p.s. remember how lucky you are to be in a situation like this- id love to be with someone who reciprocates what your feeling..... ahh falling in love is so bittersweet

[Dogg]

I hear what you are saying, but I do not think that I could ask her "whats going on between us" I think in a way its kind of obvious whats goign on, I mean we talk on the phone allthe time, I hang out with her on the regular, we don't or at least haven't gone a day with out talking since we met. I have introduced her to my friends and she has hung out with me and "the boys" she asks me to do things, has invited me to her house to watch movis in her room, has introduced me to her mother and sister. I just do not want to look like a tool in any way or make her think that I am pushing for something that she is just not ready for and to be completely honest, I am scared about what she may say if I ask her "whats going on between us"...

[NJRon]

Just tell her that you really like her and aren't really interested in seeing anyone else as you'd like to see how things develop between the two of you. It's not really pushing anything. Not like you're syaing "Will you be my girlfriend?"

 

See how she feels when you say that. If she comes out and says she's not interested in seeing anyone else either, then there you have it. If she doesn't, then give it some time and bring it up in a few more weeks if she doesn't.

[Mrocza]

Why are you "afraid of the results"?

 

You're both really into each other, you've got a great connection and chemistry, you have fun on dates and she's taken you to meet her family.

 

You sure you're not already dating?

 

Stop reading so much into it and just go for it!

[chaos]

I'm certainly no expert, I've only had a few girlfriends, but two weeks does seems kinda fast. I don't know if you have slept together yet, but I find that a really good time to talk about making things exclusive. Maybe I'm naive or just hopelessly romantic, but I like to think by that time both parties are ready to commit to something.

 

Things seem to be going really well, sounds like things have progressed a lot in such a short time. You talk all the time, seen eachother on numerous occasions, met her family... I've only been seeing this girl for about a week, while we've been talking fairly frequently I've only seen her once with tentative plans to see her again this Thursday. At this rate it'll be months before I've done as much with her as you've done with your girl. I don't think you've anything to worry about.

[Dogg]

to answer as many questions as possible at once....

-no we have not slept together yet, we have done nothing more than make out on numerous occasions.

-I'm only weary of the results because To be honest, I have not been a part of the dating scene for over three years since I was in a long relationship. That relationship ended in the beginning of october, and yes I am over her and am ready t move on and have been quite successfully.

-The only reason that I am even asking this question is because I'm just not sure of how this whole dating to girlfrined scenario works anymore and I do not want to look naive/stupid if I ask something that she is just not expecting and not at all ready for that is why I am definitly not doing anything until she gets back from Florida at least because like I said, that will make it just about a month or so since we had met and began hangin out.

-I gues that I'm just a little scared to be "getting back into a relationship" with someone after being out of the game for so long. Don'yt get me wrong, Its not that I question my feelings for her, she is everything that I could have ever dreamed of thus far, I just don't want to rush things for myself I suppose and at the same time, I do not want her to think that I don't like her enough to ask her to be exclusive (girlfriend) although I'm 99% positive that she is not seeing anyone anyway at some point it would be nice to lay my cards on the tabel if you know what I mean...

[Dogg]

well, I hung out with her last night as per her request. We just chilled in her house in her room and watched a movie. I more or less just layed next to her on her bed having minimal contact pretty much until the end of the movie when she began to get a bit flirty and I ended up kinda holding her for the remainder of the film. I had to go, being that I live about a half hour away and it was getting late and she walked me out and we had a very nice kiss and all that. I really like spending time with her! I have made a decision, it may sound stupid, but I think that I need to do this for myself and also to prove to myself that I am not the only one puttin in effort on this one. I think that I am goign to back off a little bit and see what she does, how she proceeds. I think that this will help me to better gage her "commitment" to whats goign on with us and also, as selfish and immature as this sounds, it will ghive me a much better indication as to where she stands, whether or not she really wants similar things that I do....we shall see I guess

[kellbell]

Hey Dogg,

 

I am so glad that things are going well with the new lady in your life. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and taking things real slow. Plus if you did the same things with your ex as you do with others (i.e. this new girl) you are probably going to get the same results. There is nothing wrong with taking a new approach. I hope everything works out...keep us posted. I continue to root for ya!

[Jadtt]

I think every relationship has a natural progression of people who pull away just a little bit. Sometimes it is done consciously, and sometimes it is dones subconsciously. In any case, a little pulling back is good, because you can guage the level of committment of the other person. At the same time, you must also be cautious with how you pull away. You never want to find yourself in a situation where someone is pushing and someone is pulling, there should always be a healthy balance.

 

The healthy balance is learning to recognize that, although you feel like you want to test her in some way, that isn't always the right thing to do. For instance, I am currently with this man who I know is in love with me. Now, every now and then I do stupid things just to test him to see where he stands. It's silly! I just frustrates him, I can tell in his eyes, and it frustrates me as well. But, for some silly reason, my subconscious mind takes control.

 

Be confident in yourself and recognize that letting things happen, in whatever way that may be, is sometimes the best way to go. If things don't work out, it might make you a little sad...but there's always somebody else down the road. If it does work out, well...then you're really happy!

 

Good Luck!

[chaos]

Hey Dogg, like you put in my thread, she's the one that invites you over, she's the one that always calls you. You feel strongly for this girl and you're afraid of getting hurt. What you want, what I want too, is for her to pledge her undying love (well, maybe not that extreme, but you know what I mean The fact is it sounds like she really likes you and by pulling away you could risk pushing her away. It sounds like things are going great, I wish I could see and talk to mine so much! I'd tell you to try and stop worrying but, I know how hard that is, instead, just try and let things play themselves out and see what happens. Don't play games, just be yourself and when she gets back from florida, or if things progress even sooner, see how she feels about becoming exclusive. I'm sure she'll be into it, sounds like she's there already. Soon you'll have to change your name to LuckyDogg!

[Dogg]

yeah, you are right in almost all that you are saying. I know that I'm being stupid about this and that I should just roll with the punches and take things as they come and realize that with her calling and texting and asking to hang out and having me over and all that it means that she does care in some way and that she does in fact "like" me but for some reason, I would just love some sort of positive, no frills, concretete affirmation of the way that she feels and what she is thinking. I know that that is not going to happen, but it would be nice as helol if it did! Th only thing that I can do is be myself and act right. I don't want to play games, I really don't but I also do not want her to think that I am "needy" and dependant on her because I am not. I want to remain attractive and somewhat aloof so that I do not do something that will in fact diminish her desires if that makes any sense. I need to stop all this overthinking and just let things be....but like I said before, I do not want to mess things up nor do I want this "new" thing whatever it may be to become old to her because we have been spending a lot of time together. I just wish again that I had some sort of legitimate clue/proof of her feelings just to be able to put myself at ease.

[chaos]

I know you don't want to come off as needy and dependent, I worry about the same thing. What I try to do is to let her initiate most of the contact. If she txt's me, I'll txt her back, I let her call me unless she asks me to call her, etc... One of the few exceptions being yesterday when she was supposed to call me. I didn't hear from her so I sent a txt and left it at that. Hopefully one of the ladies here can back me up but I think as long as you aren't constantly calling/messaging, aren't giving up your normal life to be with her (or at least don't let her know that), and aren't confessing your love for her (at least at this stage, later it's okay I don't think she'll have reason to think you're "needy".

 

As for wishing you had proof I know EXACTLY what you mean! But, even if she does feel as strongly as you do, she's probably afraid of scaring you off as well. It's frustrating as hell but that's why these things take time. You get to know eachother, get more comfortable with eachother and the relationship, then, FINALLY, you can start telling eachother how you really feel. This is why I hate dating... even when you're not "playing games" there's still some games you have to play.