My boyfriend's Mum killed herself when he was 2. Or did she?

[gorgeousgal]

I am very worried about my partner. We are very much in love and tell each other everything. I am worried about his happiness though. Together we are very happy and he tells me this every day but deep down inside he is a little boy who misses his mum.

 

When he drinks too much (rarely) he gets very depressed and cries about his loss. But the real issue is that we do not know for sure the circumstances which led to her death. For obvious reasons I will not go too far into the detail but basically his dad has told him (at 6 years old, he is now 28 ) that his mum killed herself. His paternal grandmother always told him that it was an accident but we're not convinced at all. Someone is lying and the lack of knowledge about his mother's death is affecting his confidence and deep down happiness. He misses her even though he has no memory of her. It is a huge loss for anyone at any age.

 

I'm really asking for advice on how to get the truth from his family. He does not want to upset his grandmother and his older brother but he feels a lot of anger towards his father. He is polite to him but they are not close at all.

 

How can we get to the bottom of this so that he finds out the truth without losing even more members of his family. He is very messed up about this and lacks direction in his life as a result. Please help if you can.

 

A concerned girlfriend.

 

GG

[DN]

What concrete evidence do you have that someone is lying?

 

If anyone dies an unnatural or unusual death there has to be an autopsy - he could request from the coroner's office a copy of the autopsy report.

[gorgeousgal]

She was cremated but the ashes were not scattered anywhere significant to her and were scattered two months after her death. He is not in touch with any of his mother's family. It just doesn't add up. If she did kill herself, why? If it was an accident then why would her entire family not stay in touch with her children. What happened? That is all he needs to know. Someone IS lying.

[gorgeousgal]

He knows very little about the death the years after it so he is not aware of any autopsy. BTW we are in the UK.

[AwdreeHpburn]

His grandmother may be saying it was an accident to spare his feelings. Maybe she doesn't want to admit the truth or maybe she thinks telling him the truth will be too painful.

 

He is going to have to ask and dig. Find public records, talk to relatives, he's gonna have to ask the tough, hard, painful questions. Family secrets are tough to crack, but it can be done.

 

I guess he'll have to decide what's more important. Upsetting his brother now and most likely temporarily, or finding out the truth...

 

that's my opinion anyway.

[gorgeousgal]

Thank you so much. I totally agree with what you've said Ta ree saw. I know why his grandmother is lying and I sort of respect that but in the long run hiding the truth is tearing him apart. He does want to dig. He realises that the truth may be very very painful but it is a journey I think he'll have to go through. Thank you for your advice

[gorgeousgal]

Hi guys. I was wondering how to commemorate mother's day. I haven't brought up the subject with him yet. In the UK we celebrate Mother's Day on the last Sunday every March and this year this is the 26th March. Any tips?