ugh wats in his head??!is this a guy thing?

[lifesunfair]

hey im 17 nd i have this major problem w/ my bf...we have been going out for about two yrs now. he lives about an hr away from me and i reali like him kinda luv him lol...nd i always tell him i luv him at the end of a convo or sumthing like that...but he realli doesnt say it bak..well he does a few times..and wenever i ask him y he doesn't say it as often...he says he def. feels it..but has a hard time saying it cuz he has a hard time xpressing him self. i wana kno if this is a guy thing or he realli doesnt care. ](*,)

 

can sum1 pleaseeeeeee help me?

[DN]

What is important is that he says it and means it.

 

Whereas you say it but really only 'kinda' love him.

 

Who is being the more honest here?

[italianstalian]

great job DN....couldnt of said it better

[lifesunfair]

well yeah i def. mean it too...but sumtimes he doesnt act as if he does..i duno...is it me?

[darkblue]

Well, how does he act?

[lifesunfair]

well he's sweet and stuff, but he is busy alot lately cuz of wrk nd college stuff since he's going to college lately but he doesnt seem to be AS xpress as i am...i always tell him how much i luv him or miss him...nd he usually responds with aww me too...but he said that he luvs me and has the feeling but has a hard time xpressing it in words....i duno if its me overanalyzing this situation..or mayb i need too much reasurrance?

[darkblue]

If you trust that he means it - it won't be a problem.

 

Remember that he is busy, and so might not always have time - but it's with the time you have that you have influence over.

Use it.

[lifesunfair]

thnx darkblue

 

can u please tell me that since he doesnt say i love u AS much as i do....does tht mean he doesnt love me?..or...is he trying not to overuse the phrase?...do all guys do this?...i realli love him

[darkblue]

I think it is nice that you reassure him of your love.

But some people just don't feel that is necessary.

 

If you believe and trust that he means it, and more importantly, that he shows it - you are OK.

 

Do not be co-dependant on anyone for happiness, though.

[DN]

Some people think that saying I love you once means that they have said they love you and if they change their minds they will let you know - until then assume they still love you.

 

Maybe he is like that.

[ShySoul]

It's not a guy thing, its an individual thing. For some people they have a hard time opening up and showing emotions. This could be for any number of reasons - a shy personality, fear of putting yourself out there only to end up hurt, a bad previous experience, etc. It could even be the way they are raised, taught that they shouldn't talk about things like that. That is especially a problem with men as stereotypical men are suppose to be strong and not show emotions. Thus, they have an uneasy time expressing themselves.

 

However, none of this says he doesn't love you, or that his love isn't as strong as yours. Does his actions show he loves you? When you are together, does he make you feel special and loved? Can you tell that he cares, or is it more like he is just hanging out with you? Actions speak louder then words.

 

And I am sure that you do love him. What happens is that people can go to one of two extremes. They can equate the phrase I love you as being the feeling, and not separate the two. They think that without the phrase, it means the person doesn't love them. But love can be shared in so many other ways, even just the look in a persons eyes. The other extreme is to think you don't have to say it at all. Like DN said, they say it once every so often and think thats enough. But people like that neglect to realize how much the impact of the words can have. They don't realize that sometimes a person just needs to hear those words.

 

So try to see where the other is coming from, talk about it. Neither of you is wrong, you just have a different way of looking at this one thing. Compromise. He should be willing to try and say it more often, you should try to understand that if he doesn't say it, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't feel it.

 

And to quote a song on the best way to say I love you:

 

"The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

A touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall

Now you say it best, when you say nothing at all"

 

Alison Krauss, "When you say nothing at all"

[lifesunfair]

well wen we do meet up hes sooo sweet nd u cant totalli tell he cares..but obviously we cant meet up often cuz of the distance...nd online hes so....eh u kno wat i mean?...

[Mavh25]

my boyfriend has stopped saying it all together now BECAUSE if ever he didnt say it, id ask him why constantly, so dont push it

[Tesseract_Witch]

What is important is that he says it and means it.

 

Whereas you say it but really only 'kinda' love him.

 

Who is being the more honest here?

 

 

I agree completely!

[Dutchy]

I don't think this is a guy thing. I have the same problem as your boyfriend. I sometimes find it hard to express my feelings but most of the time I just want to keep those intimate words special. (for special romantic or emotional moments) It's not very important, but it's easier for me to say those things in different languages. Maybe you should stop saying that you love him and wait till he takes the initiative? (If it takes to long then you could talk to him)

[kimi_baby]

In the words of John Mayer:

"So I was thinkin' about relationships and about how it pertains to songs about relationships, and uh, I was trying to think, well it occurred to me that the key, I figured out the key to a relationship and how to make it work. Check it out, this is, this is, a tip from your uncle John, check it out. When you first meet somebody, you find out they like you, first of all, a friend of a friend of theirs say, he or she really really likes you, and it kills you, floors you, sends you to the ground, you've got to pick yourself up off the ground; then you get their phone number and you call them up, right, and you say "Yeah, that's a really great phone conversation, can I see you some time?" and then they say this, they say, "I'd like that." Nothing feels better than "I'd like that". So now, your blood pressures' goin, you're six feet off the ground, you can't sleep, because of "I'd like that". So then you hang out for a while, and you call and you talk on the phone all the time, and then you drop the bomb, what feels like the bomb, you say, "You know what, I've been thinkin about you a lot." And she goes, "Ahhhhhhh!" And you go "What happened?" and she goes, "I'm sorry, I just, I just, I just, that's, I've been thinking about you too." Bam. Higher into the sky. But now "I'd like that." Tch. Done. Now you're up to "I'm thinkin about you." Then however number of months pass, it makes you feel comfortable saying it, you say "I gotta tell you something." They go "What?", you go "I'm in love with you." And nothing in the world sounds better than "I'm in love with you." And then maybe she starts crying, or maybe he goes "*gasp*". And all the sudden you're like "I'm in." But now what doesn't work?; "I'd like that." and "I've been thinkin about you." Now we're at "I'm in love with you." Then maybe some day it'll move up to "I love you." Fast forward, now you're like "I love you a lot; I love you more than anything in life." Now "I love you." doesn't work. It's a threshold that keeps movin' up. Fast forward, like six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be, now you're on like, "I want to marry you." "I want to impregnate you with my love." "I wanna, I wanna just send my love to you." "Damn it, words don't work anymore." And then you say this line, and you know, you know you've used this line before, "I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love because love just doesn't describe what I feel." And so now he or she starts askin', "Do you love me?" and you start goin', "Of course I love you." "Well say it." And then it becomes "Say it twice." And it goes "Say it three times." And then, you cross a really interesting point, where all the sudden it becomes "I hate you, I hate you." And you go, "Oh my god she hates me." And now it's like "I hate you more than anything." And then it's like "We're over." And then they go "No we're not." And you go "Yes we are." Now the words completely do not work at all, you're left with nothing. You're throwing punches under water. You're done. You know what the moral of that story is, if there is one. Never, ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of "I'd like that."

 

So, dont be too stressy about who says what... just enjoy it for what it is. If he's said it before, and you trust him, then no worries.

[shy_guy_3]

its a guy thing...the first 3 weeks me and my gf went out I couldnt say "i love you" back to her...I still have SOME problems with it...its just a hard thing to say for some guys...Sorry i cant be more help...

[Jhodas]

Well said on both counts DN. I can have a hard time putting my feelings into words sometimes. Those are three very VERY big words for me. Only said them to one person.

 

As others have said before; the important thing is that you trust him when he does say it. And it may be the case that he simply does not want to overuse the phrase. It may be that he wants it to mean more to you when he does say it. If anything, that means he loves you more.