Friends with benifets???

[Pheonixpassion84]

I recently started a friends with benifets thing with this guy I used to be going out with.

It all started with the fact that I know I have problems with commitment, and hate the thought of being tied down, it just kills me. And I knew if I screwed up then one of us would get hurt and I didnt want that. The second reason was that one of my close friends has feelings for him too, and I did not want a guy to get between us. Also I didnt want to be in a full relationship with someone where things could go so wrong and someone would get hurt. But I still really liked him (and still do) so I asked if friends with benifets or something more low key would be fine with him. At first he was somewhat confused and idk if he liked the idea or not, but eventually agreed.

 

The cons of the whole friends with benifets thing though is that im afraid he will lose respect for me if he already hasn't. Like he can treat me badly but I will still be there to fool around and stuff.

 

Another con is that he may be upset because he did really want a relatinship, but I'm not sure if this is true or not. I dont want to lose him completely.

 

The pros are that things are less complicated and if something went wrong such as with my friend getting in the way of me and him, or him getting in the way of me and my friend, then maybe there would be less hurt since it isnt a full on relationship.

 

The other pro is that I really don't like to be tied down. I am busy a lot and I tend to prefer the thought of being free. I like to keep my options open, and panick when I feel trapped. Since "friends with benifets" isnt a full on commitment... i wouldnt feel so tied down.

 

 

...So to wrap this whole really long thing up, I am not sure if I should stick with this friends with benifets (where I am not sure if it will work or is a good idea), break up (where I really dont want to lose him but will elimate some of the issue), or go back to the relationship (where I feel really tied down but will still be able to be with him) What should I do???

 

Thank you guys sooo much for all the help I honestly don't know where I'd be without you!

[DN]

In what way would he treat you badly? What would you consider treating you badly?

[Ians Mommy]

I have a friends with benefits relationship with one of my best friends and if anything, it has only made us closer as friends and it hasn't messed up our relationship at all.

[Pheonixpassion84]

In what way would he treat you badly? What would you consider treating you badly?

As in like ignoring me as a friend and only wanting the benifit part, or getting angry when I don't do what he wants.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think you should bite the bullet. If you like him and he likes you there is no reason for you to not be in a relationship. Just so you know, a friends w/ benefits arrangement is still a relationship. Its a relationship of convenience and mutual fondness.

 

If there is no more than sex, moving on will mean nothing. If there are no other "friends" of this type in your life anyway, having a bit more of a commitment shouldn't change things too terribly either.

 

What does "commitment" mean to you? What is if about it that you think you dont' have now that you fear? I'm curious because I think you'd be surprised that what a relationship is and what you have now don't have to be that different.

[venus777]

i don't know how being in a friends with benefits situation with this guy would hurt your friend any less...

[dolphingirl]

In my heart I know that the relationship I have with this guy isn't right, for 9 long years I have not had any feelings for a guy I swore to myself that no man would ever hurt me again & I have broke all those promises I've made to myself for this guy. His a good guy who I think is really confused & doesn't know what he wants. One minute he wants to be with me & then the next his pushing me away & saying that his not ready for a relationship yet when we are together we have fun & things happen, am I just being a real fool when it comes to him, I don't know if I can look at him & tell him that I don't want to see him again because for one thing it would really hurt me & for the another reason he doesn't express emotions so I figure he'd be like whatever. I'm driving everyone including myself nuts over this whole thing his not worth it at all but can I just be his friend, friends with benefits? I dunno I am so confused!

[joiseygrl]

The key to making a FWB relationship work is the friendship part. If you can't be friends (and I mean real friends, not just casual acquaintances) then it's just a piece of tail. If he's going to not be there for you as a friend, then it won't work. Would you consider someone a friend if they were never there for you? If your FWB isn't there for you as a friend it's just a matter of two people satisfying a sexual need.

 

I've had a couple relationships like that and the guys and I were very close friends. I knew they would be there for me in a non-sexual way if I needed them. It can have wonderful benefits if the relationship is built on a solid friendship.

[rmpavlock]

I've never seen a friends with benefits situation work without someone getting hurt. I guess that's just in my experience though. It's like telling someone that they can have the fun stuff without any of the obligation that goes with it. It's great if all you want is sex, but if you want a more stable relationship with emotional support as well, it's tough to get it from that kind of situation.