PLEASE GIVE LOVE ADVICE...

[musicchicus]

Hey all,

 

I have dated a guy for about 9 months and we broke up several times. He had been divorced and kept tells me he needs to meet lots of people, etc. Everytime he broke up with me, however, we would talk and he would decide that I really am a special person, I am a good friend and we should just sort of wait and see what happens. But we always joked about when it was really over he would need to just stop calling period because each time we talked he realized how good I was for him, etc.

 

I tried to avoid being too clingy and needy and he often expressed jealousy at the possiblity I would date other men...if he really didn't care about me, would he really care?

 

So, anyway, last week we were out and he seemed to be pulling away once again. He made the comment that he "had a lot going on"...and now, I haven't heard from him since (almost two weeks) - he has never waited this long to contact me and wasn't there at our weekly hang out. I am convinced that he has finally pulled away and AM UTTERLY CRUSHED.

 

I love this man and regret pressuring him at all for something more serious...but I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM and need to fix it.

 

Should I email him? Reading other posts and books and stuff, it sounds like I would be best to either not call or to tell him "OK Goodbye" and hope that the lack of pressure brings him back.

 

While I am a strong, intelligent person...and can certainly continue living my life without him...I'm not yet at a point where I want to. I honestly want to convince him to try again...

 

HOW? HELP!!!

 

Thanks

[cookies]

yaa,...It may be in ur best interest to chill out to allow him space to fully understand what it is that HE wants out of a relationship with u, as he seems to go back and forth quite often. It seems that only after he talks with you, is when he realizes how special you are, yet he wants to meet other ppl. This is the only way for him to be sure of his uncertainties in the relationship, and always in a woman's best interest to not push herself into a relationship with a man that is confused as he seems to be...

 

Sometimes men NEED time and space,...so give it to him, which he is asking for "in between the lines", without giving in to his jealousy if you decide to date other men...he will have to just deal with it! Since, afterall...this is his decision. Then as the strong woman you are..he has to acept the fact that you are not going to put ur life on hold just to hold on hopes and dreams with him when hes out there checking out other possibilities. In a worse case scenario, if thats the case, what if he comes back one day, and says, "Yes, u are special..but ive found sumone else."

You will be torn completely apart, after waiting and hoping...

 

We never know what the future holds, but altho its not easy to even think of the possibilities of moving forward without him...sometimes we have to do just that,...in order for fate to take on its natural course, weather its leading u two in the same or a sepearate direction. Whats meant to be, will be...but in the meantime...theres no reason 4 u to sit back and wander when he will come to realize that you are the one for him.

 

Once you start paying him far less and less attention, and other guys will start looking quite appealing in ur eyes,...as well as you to them, because you will make sure u look good each and every time u step outside of ur door,..then...watch the love that he has for you, as it will definitely surface...if its meant to be...because he wont stand back and let some other man capture the love of his life...as he says...ur "special".

 

Too much jealousy can doom a relationship, but I always felt that when a man shows a little jealousy,..he loves his woman...so theres no rule out there that says you cant make ur man love u even more...with the help of another mans attention, while he wanna check out other things...

 

 

 

cookies

[gm38]

As much as you love him, this is not something you can "fix." Pressuring him (your words) got you nowhere in the past so it is not reasonable to assume that pressuring him again will get him back this time. (Indeed, it is often said that one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.) Besides, do you really want to be with someone that you have to pressure or convince or persuade to be with you? How satisfying and fulfilling will that be? You are obviously a loving and caring person. And you deserve to be loved and cared for in the same fashion. My advice: don't contact him. If he comes back to you, then you know that his feelings for you are real and that he is with you because he wants to be. If he does not come back to you, you will be better off in the long run.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

gm38

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I am not trying to ass...sume but it seems to me like this man ..may be with a few other people. Sounds like he doesn't want the commitment...are you sure he is even single. Or could he still be married and lying to you? Sounds like it to me..that is harsh to hear I know..but last time I went through this..I found out the man had a woman on the side...