I broke no NC after 6wks

[Ineedtotalk]

Hi I broke no NC after 6wks. My gf of one year broke up with me. I feel it was my fault that caused the break up. I think my mistake was that I took her for granted.

 

I broke NC because I needed to know if there was a chance at us getting back together. If not I will continue NC and move on I need to get rid of my hopes. I called 2days a go. I left a messege on her cell. I said that I was doing fine and I hope she is doing fine. I told her that I miss her and I still love her. She sent me an email yesterday. In which she basically says thanks for calling, and that she is sorry that I still miss her. And she had hoped I was over her. Then she said she has some of my staff (poster from school presentations and letters). She said she could drop them some where or I could pick it up.

 

Well I plan to go to pick up my stuff. But I still don't feel like I got my answer. If she had not replied my messege then I would know that she does not want to do anything with me. The email she sent gives me no hopes but I still have then. How do you get rid of this hope? I feel like I want her to treat me bad! so I can have a reason to move on..... is that what need?

[becallamjr]

Okay guy, she doesn't want to get back together, but that doesn't mean that she still doesn't care about you. What you need to realize is she said "I had hoped you had gotten over me", doesn't that give you any inclination that she is over you? Pick up your stuff and say goodbye for the last time.

[melrich]

Hi Ineedtotalk,

 

Don't punish yourself for breaking NC. You did what you felt you needed to do.

 

I am worried a bit that you feel you did not get your answer. Often people do not comuunicate in black and white terms when they are telling someone something that they don't want to hear. But from my perspective she has given you a pretty clear answer to your underlying question,

 

she is sorry that I still miss her. And she had hoped I was over her.

 

I think you should continue with NC and really try and commit to moving on now.

[newts]

I totally agree will Melrich,

 

She has certainly given you your answer. If she felt the same way as you she would have said I really miss you and love you too....

[red10]

I agree with the others....and I know it's not what you want to hear at all....but it seems clear when she said that she was sorry you still miss her and that she hoped you would be over her....but I know it's hard, we try to analyze everyword and hang onto it...

 

You know what NC is and you've been doing it for 8 wks....so you had a bump in the road, but keep going and don't look back.

[keenan]

Yeah, I'm so sorry Ineedtotalk, but I agree with the others. Very rarely would a person explicitly say, "I'm sorry that you still miss me BECAUSE I DON'T MISS YOU. I had hoped that you were over me BECAUSE I AM OVER YOU." It's implied.

 

And man, I know it's hard to analyze every conversation and read between every line, looking for hope. But we're giving you our objective opinions.

[Frangipani]

Well, if you need more closure ask her straight out when you go to pick up your stuff. "Is there any chance of us getting back together. Yes or No?" Don't give her options to skirt around the issue. Just a plain yes or do only. Be strong and confident when you ask it. If she says no, say goodbye and walk away with your dignity in tact. You will feel sad yeah, but so much better too.

 

Sometimes it takes guts to ask what we fear hearing, but it will put your mind at rest once and for all.

[eddie500]

Well, if you need more closure ask her straight out when you go to pick up your stuff. "Is there any chance of us getting back together. Yes or No?" Don't give her options to skirt around the issue. Just a plain yes or do only. Be strong and confident when you ask it. If she says no, say goodbye and walk away with your dignity in tact. You will feel sad yeah, but so much better too.

 

Sometimes it takes guts to ask what we fear hearing, but it will put your mind at rest once and for all.

 

Yeah, I agree with you here. I would just ask her straight up when you see her, and get a clear answer. IF you do get a negative answer then you have to realize its over.

 

It sucks to get dumped, but it sucks more to not know 100% if its over. So you have to do what you need to do to know its 100% over. I have with my last girlfriend and knowing it was 100% over it was a lot easier to move on.

[Ineedtotalk]

Thanks to all for your input and advise. I needed and objective view. I think I am ready to accept the fact that is over but I just need to stop thinking in "what if". Now I will get an answer and move on.

[Ineedtotalk]

Well I got my answer. After she sent me an email I sent her one. I sent her an email regonizing my errors (took her for granted and I did not communicate with her at times) during our relationship. I told her how I went to couseling to reconize my errors. And that I see my mistakes as an opportunity to learn about my self and it will help in the future. Also that I still love her and miss her and if she would consider giving a second chance to our relationship. Her reply was "I don't want to give our relationship a second chance. I've gone to couseling as well and it helped me realize that some of our problems are not fixable and that I need to move on." Well, now I know that it is 100% over and I should move on. I thought I was ready to accept that its over, but can't help to feel depressed and sad . I thought I had some hope because it took her 3 days to reply my email and I thought she was thinking about it and that maybe we would get back together. Now I have to go pick up some of my staff from her house. She said that maybe we should not see each other because she thinks I will became emotinal and try to get her back and make a scene. So, she is going to leave my staff in her basement so I can go in with out seeing each other and pick my staff. I don't think I would have tried to get her back by becaming emotinal because I know better. But now I don't fell like going to her house because it will bring some memories and I don't feel well now. What should I do? ](*,)

[melrich]

Sorry it finished like this. Get a friend to go and pick up your stuff. No point making things harder for yourself.

[dishrag]

"I've gone to couseling as well and it helped me realize that some of our problems are not fixable." This is the same thing I'm hearing from my ex, except that she will not go to counselling. She just thinks things are not fixable.

 

In your case, she probably did go to counselling but I believe that it wasn't the counsellor that decided that things are not fixable. I can probably assume that the counsellor worked with her to try to get her to improve herself. SHE made the decision not to revisit the relationship as part of the improvement. The counsellor just helped her examine the rest of her feelings that lead to her being comfortable with her choice. Counsellors don't want to see relationships end. They just want their customers to be happy.

 

It's too bad that she will not entertain the possibility of reconciliation. I believe problems in relationships are better worked out and resolved rather than just put on the back burner.