Really confused, please help (sort of long)

[chigal28]

So I've been dating this guy, actually a friend of mine, for about two months. Things were great....he's been thoughtful, kind, fun, complimentary, encouraging, everything I wanted. Then about a week ago he got sick--still not sure what's wrong, he's going back to the doctor today but suffice it to say he feels like crap--and he's been treating me like crap, too. He says he'll call and doesn't, when I call he'll chat for a bit but wants to get off the phone fast--still ending the conversation with "I love you, I'll talk to you soon." I of course think his being sick might have something to do with all this, but.....to what extent?

 

Guys, when you get sick, do you compartmentalize? Do you focus on yourself and how miserable you are, and all but forget that you had this girlfriend that you were so in love with? Note: On Sunday we had a bit of a pregnancy scare, and he was very sweet--he said, and I quote: "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want you to be my wife someday, I want you to have my kids someday--that day is just not today." I took it all in the spirit it was meant...I think he was trying to say he wasn't ready, but in a really sweet way....I also think guys don't say those things unless they mean them (the bit about marriage, kids, etc.) So we go from THAT five days ago to....me essentially feeling like I'm bugging him when I call him. I did give him a little crap last night about not calling me yesterday like he said he might, and he came up with all these--well, I call them excuses. He seemed overly upset.

 

Although he's going on 30 this year, I am his first real girlfriend, so he told me he'd need a lot of guidance....I'm worried that he didn't realize what a real relationship entailed, or that I finally fell off the pedestal he had me on before we dated, he's realized I'm a real person and that's not what he wants. I DON'T KNOW.

 

Or...this could all be because he's sick and many men (sorry guys!!!) are kind of babies when they get sick. I mean that in a non-insulting way, I promise, it's just that I think (?) they tend to deal with it differently. When I'm sick, I want attention and love from my significant other, but he seems to...well, not right now.

 

My question is: How do I approach this? Do I wait for him to call me, hoping he'll realize how he's acted and that he misses me? Do I stop by and give him a hug and let him know I'm there for him no matter what? Bear in mind the fact that I'm his first real girlfriend, so this is all uncharted territory for him. I really want to do the right thing so I don't push him away....and this is so very frustrating because he was in love with me for quite a while before we dated, and I fell for him because I knew he was an amazing guy who would treat me well!! And now this.

 

Help please!! Any advice would be welcome, even if it's just some insight as to how other guys act or have acted when they're sick. Is this out of the ordinary?

[DN]

Seems to me that dealing with his sickness on his own is not exactly being a baby - wanting attention may be though!!

 

I think if he wants to be left alone then leave him alone. Ask him if you can do anything (make him soup seems traditional) and tell him to call if he needs anything. Then you have done all that is reasonable.

 

When he has recovered you can then make a proper assessment as to how the relationship is going. But for now take his statement

"I love you, I'll talk to you soon."

as the simple truth and that 'soon' means when he is feeling better.

[Goodfun88]

I almost started laughing when I read this, and only because I had a similar thing happen to me just about two weeks ago. Me and my bf had gone on an awesome trip for his birthday, he told me he loved me for the first time, but then when we got back he got sick. He was sick for almost a week and I only talked to him a total of maybe 3 times. I was freaking out just like you. I kept wondering to myself, is he trying to get rid of me or something? He was extremely short on the phone when we did talk so I was seriously concerned. When he got better I told him how I thought maybe he didn't want to be with me, he thought I was absolutely crazy, he said he was just sick. So my thinking is when a guy is sick he is sick and thats really all he's thinking about. And he's hoping that his wonderful loving girlfriend will understand that he's sick and won't be pissed that he can't remember to call. I wouldn't worry if I was you.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I agree with DN. Offer help if he needs it and then let him be. I don't think him not talking to you for a couple days means he's no longer interested.

 

Don't overanalyze just yet. Give it a little more time.

[kellbell]

It just seems that guys tend to get wrapped into their illness and want to be pampered. At least that is the way it was in my past experiences. And when they get better...they just bounce back as if nothing had happened.

 

Maybe you can bring some soup over to him, or snuggle with him and watch a movie with him. Some guys want to be left alone when they are sick. Depends...you know your boyfriend the best. But I would not worry about it...he loves you. Things will get back to normal in no time.

[chigal28]

THANKS, you guys!! I'm so grateful that you took the time to respond so quickly, and your posts helped me a great deal. I'll try not to worry or overanalyze (even though those are two of my absolute greatest talents in life, as my friends will attest--ha!), and just wait it out--especially since things were great before he got sick. I really appreciate your insights....