caustic words of boyfriend

[Caterina]

The guy I've been dating has hurt me in ways that I have never known before. I am not really sure how to handle this, or whose fault it is. He does say probably the cruelest things to me...but I don't think any of it is intentional. I am not sure of reality when it comes to him. I go from villianizing him to sainting him...

 

For instance, he says that he doesn't think I'd be sexually compatible with him...he says stuff like that all the time...we haven't slept together, although we have heavily made out. He constantly criticizes me, yet, when I tell him that this usually indicates that someone does not really want to be in a relationship with someone... he says he still wants to be in a relationship with me. He seems to recognize that he has a huge problem with insensitivity with a lot of people, yet does not change.

 

He does a lot of things right, to. He listens extremely well...he pays attention to me by helping me any time I need help, he's good to my parents, he tells me I am beautiful.

 

Maybe its just that it was too soon. But, for instance, he said that he made a mistake by telling me he loved me.

 

I dont' know why, but I dont' know whether or not I want to stay with him or not. See, I care a lot about him, I must...because I think about him so much all day long and I know that it would already be Extremely painful to have a break up. In the beggining, I was convinced he was the "one", which has never happened before. IAlso, I can see such potential in him. I have never felt the way I feel for him, for anyone, honestly. But isn't love supposed to be happy?

 

All my relationships have been unhappy, its important to note. except for the one I had with my best friend.

[DN]

Yes it is supposed to be happy and you are obviously not. Seems to me the solution is obvious. Tell him that his behaviour has to change or you're gone.

 

Actually, in your place I would just be gone, but you may want to give him a chance to get his act together.

[Caterina]

I've told him this. I can only sit back and see. He has everything I have ever wanted in a man, more then any I've ever met. But I can't take this kind of pain. Also, another man has been paying attention to me...normally in relationships, I never notice that. But this guy is so on and off with the niceties that I find myself thinking of the other guy.

[robowarrior]

He is what we refer to as a 'ground stamper' , he'll stamp your head into the ground ,time after time after time after time again.

 

In other words he's a 'negative' person, with a negative outlook on the world.

 

If you manage to 'turn' that negativity around, then you might have a good partner on him. Anyway you don't want to be with a person that only brings darkness and hatred into your life.

 

What you have to do is the following. RESIST, any negative remark from him must be defeated by saying things like 'your looking to negative at it' , 'don't be all doom and gloom' , and ' the world isn't only negative you know, there's good things out there that we can enjoy and celebrate too' , if he's negative about your sex appeal, then say something like ' why don't you try yourself on me then, and find out all about this 'negative experience' ,and tell him' you might be surprised how positive it would turn out'

 

Go against the current of the river flow, don't let him get you down ever. refuse, resist anything better then just accepting him pushing you into the ground.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Dude, Caterina, you know in your heart of hearts that this is not a good influence in your life. He may be a good person deep down and he may be a good guy, "underneath it all" but is this the kind of relationship you want? One where you are just never sure? One where the love of your life makes you feel bad as often as he makes you feel good?

 

Getting rid of a bad thing or even a not-so-good thing does not make you a bad person or a giver-upper. It means you know what you want from a partner and what you don't want. Take care of you, not him. If he's saying negative things now and you take it or let him because of his "potential," the potential for things to get worse is very high.

 

Good luck sweety. I think you deserve better.

[Boricua7]

Robowarrior, where were you like a month ago? LoL

 

Negativity is not something you want in your life and it is not something you should allow to become a part of it. It's only fair to give your partner a chance but if he doesn't change then you should leave. The point of a relationship is to be happy with someone who cares about you; to have something to look forward to if your day is crummy. If the person you turn to makes your day worse than what's the point? You want to be with someone who makes you feel good more ofetn than makes you feel bad. Is that what you're getting? He may have "potential" but that doesn't make it ok for him to treat you the way he has been. You deserve better and you know already what the right thing to do is.