Question for everyone doing NC?

[didyoumissme]

Is it a good thing that he still has me on his friendlist on that facebook site? Do you all think he would of taken me off his friendslist if he didn't wanna be my friend and was mad/hate me etc? What does everyone here think? Please help

[Silentlyfor]

Same didyoumissme. I reall think I'm really kicking myself for responding.

[jeffreyt]

didyoumissme, Hey girl just relax it will be ok I think you did what alot of do to much of and that is trying to figure out what our ex's are thinking it's normal to do that but we need to only worry about ourselves and don't be so hard on yourself you'll be fine and keep smiling hugs.

[gaiden]

Is it a good thing that he still has me on his friendlist on that facebook site? Do you all think he would of taken me off his friendslist if he didn't wanna be my friend and was mad/hate me etc? What does everyone here think? Please help

 

Assumption is the mother of all **** ups. Don't go reading into things, it's only going to spin your wheels and make that poor gerbil in your head explode.

 

s/he's a good gerbil, stop working them out so much!

[didyoumissme]

Same didyoumissme. I reall think I'm really kicking myself for responding.

I'm kicking myself for sending an email. I wish, I were responding.

[didyoumissme]

Assumption is the mother of all **** ups. Don't go reading into things, it's only going to spin your wheels and make that poor gerbil in your head explode.

 

s/he's a good gerbil, stop working them out so much! can't help it. What's even keeping me sane is that I am still on his friendslist. If he were to take me off, I would even more upset, sad then I am now.

I feel hated, unwanted, unlove. Today isn't a good day for me, not at all.

[didyoumissme]

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[Allie.]

Hey...didyoumissme? and redmage22 i have some thing that will hopefully help you...

 

 

 

 

Always,

Allie.

[Silentlyfor]

THank you allie. I need more encouragement. I'm not ashamed, per se, at what I did. I just wish I knew better. *sigh* I miss my friendship with Chloe. She tried to be a good person even after the breakup... I just wish I listened to her.

[Allie.]

Mkay. Redmage, she was probably a GREAT person. I don't doubt it one bit...but...its over. I know you miss your friendship with Chloe. Of course, I understand because I was/am in the SAME damn position. Here is some advice about becoming "friends" after the break-up. This article helped me alot when i was having doubts... I hope it'll help pal.

 

and don't forget the advice you gave me....

 

Allie I read the post and... it's uncanny. We've went through the SAME EXACT THING. Except I rejecting her vie for friendship. I couldn't trust her. I wanted her all or nothing. Not a little snack in between. We were also best friends. We also loved each other. But I asked myself when she broke up with me, what would I gain by being with her?

 

Nothing, that's what.

 

Allie, the question from me to you is, what do you want from a friendship with him? And, more importantly, what do you NEED

 

 

It's the dreaded four-word phrase… "Can we be friends?" It's a classic break-up line, but it's also an issue that must be faced when a relationship hits the rocks. In reality, the questions ought to be "should we be friends?" And, if so, "how will we define that relationship?" Below are some points to ponder when facing the partnership to friendship dilemma.

 

Take Care of Business:

 

Whether it's a marriage or simply a significant partnership, there are issues that you must manage when the romance ends. In the case of divorce, there is a legal process to manage. There may be property to divide. Decisions may have to be made about mutual friends and whether those relationships can continue. Focus first on the "business" of ending your relationship. It is your responsibility to manage this process with knowledge and dignity.

Take Care of Yourself:

 

Your first thought should not be about the place your ex will hold in your future. Focus on healing yourself. Take time to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that arise from that experience. Use your support network to heal emotionally. Use exercise, hobbies and your favorite activities to keep yourself physically active and vibrant. In most cases, you can't rely on your ex to help you recover or to garner closure. Fix yourself first.

 

Evaluate Your Intentions:

 

When approaching a friendship with an ex, take time to understand your motives for pursuing that relationship. Remember what defines a friendship: conversation, connection, support and mutual interests. Again, if your motive is to seek closure, "check up" on your former partner, rekindle your romance or inflict some sort of revenge on the one that wronged you, it is probably best to let more time past. If you are truly friends, time will not diminish that connection. Don't rush into something that is unhealthy or dysfunctional.

Assess Their Value:

 

From time to time, we all clean out our closets, getting rid of the clothes that no longer suit us. Too often, we don't do this with our friends and acquaintances. It is important that we fill our lives with people who bring value to our existence. Make a list of pros and cons to nurturing a friendship with your former partner. Realize that the same reasons that led to the relationship's end may be the factors that make a friendship with your ex unbeneficial. Be prepared to acknowledge the fact that someone who was a critical part of your past may not have a place in your future.

Set Rules and Stick By Them:

 

It happens all the time. You meet with a partner from the past for a friendly drink. One drink turns into six. Suddenly the time machine has been ignited and you are making mistakes you'll regret in the morning. Especially in the early stages of the friendship transition, it is important to set ground rules. If at any point in the evening your feelings shift to an unbalanced state, stand firm and go home. Set limits on your interaction if necessary to keep the situation platonic and positive.

[Silentlyfor]

Thank you Allie.... I think this helps quite a bit. I do want a friendship eventually, but I guess, even if she may not even be living in my province any more, that this would be better this way.

[Allie.]

no prob. ur exactly right.

 

we WILL get through this red. [=

 

"just because we don't feel like we're going to heal doesn't mean we never will."

 

..Allie.

[didyoumissme]

Thankyou Allie!!! How's everyone? It's still not easy for me, But.. I'm hanging in there, as always.

[didyoumissme]

Update: Guess What?!

 

I sented him a little postcard in the mail last Thrusday because I just had to.. I thought since I couldn't call, I would just send him a postcard & I think he got it already because he called me the other day on Sunday Morning.But, I don't know because he didn't mention anything about getting a postcard But, when he called I didn't get to talk to him, I missed his call because I was working. He basically just lefted a quick nice voice message. I don't know if I should call him back anytime soon. What does everyone here think? I don't know if I can do strick NC because it's to hard for me. I can probably do LC but not strick NC...

[didyoumissme]

aaww.. did I loose my support group? where did everyone go?!

[Silentlyfor]

Thank you Allie.... I think this helps quite a bit. I do want a friendship eventually, but I guess, even if she may not even be living in my province any more, that this would be better this way.

 

Please tell me I didn't actually type that *groan* *shudders*

 

Very wrong....

[didyoumissme]

Please tell me I didn't actually type that *groan* *shudders*

 

Very wrong....

*hugs Red*

[SilverCloud]

Hang in there... I have been through this and i can not emphasize enough that you will get through, cause you will.

 

Decide where you want to be in the next year or in the coming future... and then realize do you really want to be still at that point be hung over a person who is not good for you?

[crvers]

Hey Allie, you should really repost you later reply onto a thread of its own. It would probably be beneficial to many who have been asking themselves what they should do with the friendship aspect of the breakup. Good post!

[didyoumissme]

Hang in there... I have been through this and i can not emphasize enough that you will get through, cause you will.

 

Decide where you want to be in the next year or in the coming future... and then realize do you really want to be still at that point be hung over a person who is not good for you?

Hey girl, I miss ya *hugs* I know he isn't really good for me. But, this whole NC thing is very hard for me, probably because I care. I do good for a long while but then it always gets to me and I then I end up breaking down

[crvers]

But, this whole NC thing is very hard for me, probably because I care. I do good for a long while but then it always gets to me and I then I end up breaking down

 

 

Unfortunately NC is supposed to difficult.

 

When you in the mix of the emotional turmoil of the breakup, its hard to want to lose contact from that other person. And unfortunately their is no rhyme or reason to maintaining it. I figure its basically once you've had enough.

 

Once you've had enough of the drama then you'll be ready to get moving with the NC. It doesn't mean you no longer care for that person, but it means its time to start emotionally moving on with your life.

 

And hey, there are some people who don't even bother with it. If they feel they can do it while continuing a friendship, then go for it. But if their is absolutely no benefit, then ask yourself everytime you dial up his number or start an email...why am I doing this? and what am I getting out of it?...because everytime I did that, I realized their was nothing beneficial at the time. And thats how I kept going with mine.

[didyoumissme]

I'm still confused because on the message he lefted me the other Sunday "he said" for me to leave him a sexy myspace message why would he tell me do that when he has a girlfriend & he never emails me back or sends/writes me any online anymore? Why would he care if I had myspace or any messageboard when he doesn't talk to me on them?

He doesn't even talk to me thro online anymore..

Is it just because he wants me to talk to him online but then think it's okay to not answer me back? is it his ego or something?

I need advice, Please help.. Thanks!

[didyoumissme]

August already! Wow.. how is everyone doing?!

[Silentlyfor]

Nc day 19... This is tough. I'm bawling my eyes out for that horrible women.

 

evey time I cry, though, I let something else go.

[didyoumissme]

Nc day 19... This is tough. I'm bawling my eyes out for that horrible women.

 

evey time I cry, though, I let something else go.

aaaww *hugs Red* hang in there buddy.. As they say, it's suppose to get better. Time will heal!