4months..do they ever return?

[no_bad_news]

I have been split from my ex for close to 4 months. (Since Nov) I have initiated all contact. We were together for 2 years.....

We talked once around Christmas, and once around new years. On New Years he said that sometimes he doesn't think he made the right choice. Which made me think there was hope....

I wanted to find out if there was any hope left for our relationship...and he met me, reluctantly, one month after he said, "I am not sure if I made the right choice". At the meeting he then said that he was fine with his decision, and he was fine just running in to me when ever. I emailed him twice since then with no response... He then called some friends of mine, people he barely knows, and talked with them just to say hello..after hearing that... I called him...and told him I missed him..that was 2 weeks ago.......no response...

*1. Has the no contact rule actually worked......

*2 and have ex's retuned to anyone on this site....

*3. Do guys ever return after they decide to break up with someone?

*4. Does the NC rule really just work for those of us that have been dumped..so we focus on the rule and not on taking action.....

*5. Are guys to PRIDEFUL to return..or would love bring them back after they are left alone?

[melrich]

Hi,

 

Lots of people do get back together after breaking up. In my experience though, the longer you have been apart the less likely it is that you will get back together, especially where there have been extended periods on no contact.

 

Try not to read too much into what he says or does. The temptation is always there to put your own spin on things when the reality maybe something completely different.

[RunToMe]

In my honest opinion, I think you oughtta just let this guy go. If he left, thats his loss. And if he realises it, good. If not, oh well. You have far more important things to worry about than wether or not some guy, one in 5 billion, wants to be with you. Screw it. More guys will come your way.

[Diggitydave]

I know, we always get hope in little things, my ex said some things to me that gave me a lil hope but afterwards i realized they were mere words.

 

I hope and pray for you all. Let go and Let God.

[no_bad_news]

In my honest opinion, I think you oughtta just let this guy go. If he left, thats his loss. And if he realises it, good. If not, oh well. You have far more important things to worry about than wether or not some guy, one in 5 billion, wants to be with you. Screw it. More guys will come your way.

 

I appreciate the advice...and you are right....what is with those of us who pine away for "their" return? I think we just lost our independence..we gave it up..next time I am in a relationship I will continue to do the things I do....BUT why do we want something that doesn't want us....what is the psychological reasoning behind that? Maybe it is hard to feel like I was disposable..but this guy said all the right things "you are the only love I have ever known"...was said to me 2 weeks before the break up...we are adults here too....love makes people crazy!

[friscodj]

"I am not sure if I made the right choice".

 

I've heard those words before and they are beckoning disaster and further heartbreak...

 

In my opinion, not knowing is the same (or even worse because it leads on and causes confusion) as saying no.

 

Don't get caught up in a rollercoaster of a relationship. If he really wants to get back together, he won't be so confused about it...

 

Stay away from this one...go NC all the way...

[friscodj]

love makes people crazy!

 

That's your (and most other people posting on this site's) answer right there...

[no_bad_news]

how long were you broken up..how did you reconcile?

[no_bad_news]

I'll try and keep this short: he dumped me about 3 months ago. I did NC for about 3/4 weeks then I sent him a pic message which he replied to and we stayed in contact via texts mainly but also; emails, msn and he called a few times (he initiated most of the contact). No talk about the relationship though, just general chit chat and the usual rubbish him and me would talk about. He hinted that he shouldn't have dumped me a while ago (which shocked me cos I thought he was happy with the decision he made).

 

I am close to your age...and mine was also a LDR...thanks for your insight...

I was wondering if you were the one always making contact..and then if you just stopped...after the 3/4 week NC....I think I am in a bad situation because we met and he seemed over me.....he said that he couldn't give me what I needed.....I just wonder if I do nothing for as long as I can.....maybe by then he'll wonder....or maybe he is really OVER me..... It is hard because I was his first love..and letting it all go seems impossible.... even after 3 1/2 months... But if I was something he didn't care to have...then I guess I am better off.....I feel like I stepped into someone elses life....things were much better before...I would take all the hassles back then to have to deal with the loss....!

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi all,

 

Here are my answers to the questions:

 

1. NC works mainly for those who have moved on. A few have gone in to NC mode and successfully got back in the relationship with their ex.

2. From the posts I've read, some have gotten back together.

3. Sure, there are plenty of men that have returned to their ex after they initiate the break up.

4. NC works for the dumper too. It allows them to move ahead with their new life without distractions from their dumpee.

5. They have to love you before they come back.

 

These are my opinions of course.

 

I think mouse_potato is right. There aren't really any other options left if he is not responding to your communications. I don't think it is good to go in NC mode thinking that NC will get your ex back. You have to realize that it is broken and you can't fix it. You can only work on yourself now. I think NC is for you to start the real healing process and help you move on and forward. It is hard, very difficult, tough, but you can do it. If the relationship was meant to be, ultimately you will hear the words somehow like mouse_potato did.

 

Good Luck!

bcuzitwasfun

[cheesy026]

*1. Has the no contact rule actually worked...... The no contact rule worked for me with my second boyfriend....I didn't actually get to try it with my first because I was young and really heartbroken, let me just say I learned from the first that no contact is a good thing

 

*2 and have ex's retuned to anyone on this site.... I have had the chance to "get with" both of my ex's, my second ex I actually got back together and had another 8 month relationship but it didn't end up working out...and just now my ex boyfriend of 3 years ago has been talking to me about how lonely he is and is flirting hardcore. I say stay away from ex's if possible.

 

*3. Do guys ever return after they decide to break up with someone? My second ex broke it off with me then we got back together and he told me he made a huge mistake.

 

*4. Does the NC rule really just work for those of us that have been dumped..so we focus on the rule and not on taking action..... It might, because I know when I dumped my ex after we had gotten back together I did the no contact thing only because I really did not want to see him and I didn't want to get back togehter.

 

*5. Are guys to PRIDEFUL to return..or would love bring them back after they are left alone? If a guy really thinks he made a mistake he will do something about it, if he doesn't, he doesn't give a * * * *.

[no_bad_news]

I appreciate all the advice....

 

I wish I went no contact right when it happened....now I am at the four month mark doing it....

 

 

How long after the break up did you ex return.... was it sooner than where I am at....

 

A part of me is so exhausted from caring about this....

 

I read some where that that being in love feeling lasts only 12 to 18 months after that your brain stops producing that "feeling" and both people have to work at the relationship...

 

I really want to know more about people reconciling after months of being apart....

 

I know that it really has to come from the other person...

 

I will definetly go NC all the way....fully knowing that it will probably lead me forward and away from caring about my ex.. I think letting go is the saddest part....

 

I loved him. !!!

 

Also are we destined to repeat the patterns of old relationships?!! I feel like there is no one out there that I could get involved with....

 

I wonder if you could use profiling techniques to entice an ex lover back!!

 

I am kidding.... the fact is that I am going to move on... and NC is the way to beat these feelings... if he calls ..great... until then I am on a new path.... thanks all!! Keep posting if you have any thoughts etc...

[no_bad_news]

I just want to say....

 

 

I will never be a dumpee again!

 

This sucks....

 

I feel bad for anyone else who is going through the aftermath of a break up....

 

I am scared that it will take a year or 5 years for my heart to mend.....

 

Right now I am angry with myself for not getting out of the relationship sooner.... because there are always signs..... :splat:

I needed to add that to my thread!

[SilverCloud]

Yes there are always signs but when you are under the spell of love, you honestly believe that there is a way to make this work and it is worth all your efforts...in other words love is truly blind...

 

Your being angry is a good sign it means you are coming to terms with the break up... yes it sucks, it sucks big time

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi all,

 

One last thought here. It seems that we dumpees (and yes I am the dumpee in my current situation I guess) can't or refuse to see the "greener grass" the dumper sees. I know, we are blind sided, didn't have a clue, had no idea what was coming, had plans forever......... we have all felt these feelings.

 

This time I am taking a new approach. She saw greener grass, and guess what, I see it too! Why do I need to wait to see the greener grass? She made the choice and made the choice for me too. So I see greener grass, and if you look hard enough, you will see it too!

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[kadvati79]

Hi all,

 

One last thought here. It seems that we dumpees (and yes I am the dumpee in my current situation I guess) can't or refuse to see the "greener grass" the dumper sees. I know, we are blind sided, didn't have a clue, had no idea what was coming, had plans forever......... we have all felt these feelings.

 

This time I am taking a new approach. She saw greener grass, and guess what, I see it too! Why do I need to wait to see the greener grass? She made the choice and made the choice for me too. So I see greener grass, and if you look hard enough, you will see it too!

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

 

Thats a good point.

 

Although sometimes its just an easy excuse to run away from your problems and repeat them all over again with someone else... because you won't have to deal with the problems until the "honeymoon" of the new relationship is over.

 

I also think that in many cases, the dumper just doesn't see any "grass" left in the relationship at all... and its gotten to the point of stalling, going nowhere, making people unhappy.... etc...

 

I see the end of a relationship as one of those "judaic moments", those times in life that are so tough that it makes us look up and tell "WHY ME?!?!?!"