The Healing process! Long Read: Beware!

[Alperionce]

Hey everyone,

 

 

I just wanted to share somethings with you. I was in a relationship for six months with someone that I really cared about. Didn't we all? She broke it up and gave the "Its me, not you" reason, or excuse depending on how I choose to view it. I was so bitter, so jealous, and so angry. The pain hit me in the stomach, unexpectant agony that lasted for 2 weeks. I couldn't really sleep, or eat that much. I even had to work with her, and watch her hang with other people.

 

What did I do to deserve such treatment? Did I do something wrong? No, I didn't, but it felt that I wronged the world to receive such treatment.

 

One month of enduring this, I even got a little obsessive, not to the point of pushing my ex away further. That is why I actually cut myself off, because I knew that it wasn't healthy. I did what I could for a month and a couple of weeks. Things had changed when I went to school, I wasn't constantly reminded how much I got ignored by her, which was very good for my health. I did a one month NC on top of a month of little to no contact with my ex during the times I worked with her. So basically I had almost 2 months of NC.

 

The two month marker, on that day specifically: I was changed. I felt light in the chest, I didn't dramatically care, and I wanted my ex to be happy. I didn't care if she was with someone else. Its not to say that I wouldn't be hurt if she was with someone else, I probably would be a bit. Things were much easier for me to endure. That day I decided to contact my ex. I wanted to tell her that I hope she was well.

 

I didn't grudge her anymore for hurting me by leaving me, I didn't hold on to that anymore. I didn't make her come to me, I broke NC on my own accordance.I smashed my pride because since I was ok, the only reason why I would be doing NC was for her to come to me. I won't have pride run my life. I gave her a long email explaining to her that I felt better and I didn't want her to have negative feelings of leaving me. She didn't deserve to live with those kind've feelings, if any, who knows maybe shes having the fun of her life. I don't know. I want her to have her truth, and not be pressured by obligations from me.

 

I told her that I'm going to be going my own way. That I'd waited long enough for her, because shes the one that wanted time to get herself together. If she didn't reply by a set time, the I was going to assume that she was okay, and wanted to move on. She has replied and told me that she would love to talk to me, and that she was thinking of me. I didn't take what she said as a omen of goodwill. I wasn't excited, I want answers from her. She will be emailing me a long email in to reply of my letter if she wanted me or not. I told her that its okay if we went our separates ways totally, because there are other people out there. I know that I love her because I don't have emotional attachments from her, but I still care for her more than a friend. Its a calm feeling of love.

 

I'm okay either way. Some of my friends tell me to forget about her, I wonder if there truly right? I went on my gut feelings when I contacted her because I didn't want her to be hurting. I wanted be able to fully move on knowing that I did everything in my power to not leave anything behind worth checking. As long as I know I did what I could, then moving on is that much easier.

 

What my girlfriend doesn't know is that if she chooses not to be with me as before we broke up. That I will cease our relationship totally. At first this may appear to be an ultimatum;downright selfish, but in a sense its a must. She doesn't know about it, because I realized that I still, and will always love her even when I move on. So being her friend, and not having her love will not go well. I can't have one with out the other because it will cause pain for myself. I don't deserve to be in pain.

 

Thats my say, I hope you enjoy.

[gratefulpain]

Long road .... it dosent have to be though.... if you hit the same potholes over and over yeah its a long road.....

 

glad youre feeling better , give me hope

[Diggitydave]

None of us know the right thing to do, the mere hints and crumbs are like drops of neosporin for our gaping wounds. T I M E will either bring you and your ex back together, keep you apart for both of your benefits and HEAL your WOUNDS.

[prozzack]

to young to give you proper input but listen to this song

 

unwritten by natasha bedingfield link below:

 

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perfect song for the healing process trust me

[Alperionce]

The unwritten video was pretty cool. Thanks

 

 

Anyway, there is an update. Well, I was asking her how she was. She didn't reply, so I asked her something else about us totally moving on or not. She was going to reply to my long email that I sent her. I told her that I was ready to move on, and told her basically, but not in this literal form: getting on the train, or missing it? She hasn't responded to the email, that she said she would. I don't really care.

 

She put an away msg on me.

 

So I told her that I still cared for her, and respected her, but I also said that quoted her on that she wanted me not to move on, she just needed time. And told her that I didn't need to be treated like this, and that I'm done trying to reach out to her. I also told her to have a goodnight.

 

Really....I don't care to the point where I would have used to. My guts aren't twisting,and I'm not losing sleep. I'm going NC again, not for me, but for her. I know that I'm over and moving on. I'm going to date.

 

The reason why I stayed around so long, even when people told me to forget her was because if there is some doubt about moving on, then I want to fully make sure that I did what I could to make it work. Obviously, if you care for your ex and they haven't significiantly wronged you in the relationship, I wanted to be understanding. I gave myself space, and her space. But its clear to me that she doesn't want anything to do with me, because if you care about someone you don't treat them like that.

 

A simple I'm not in the mood, or I can't talk right now would be cool. Even though I broke NC, I don't immediately regrett it, and I have my final closure.

 

Where are the women now? hehehe.