Bi/Curious? Wat do you think?

[sexyguy2004]

Just in case you havent read any of my post recently I have been talking about my best friend who I am really attracted to, however i dont know if he is bi/curious (he has a gurlfriend) and im just not sure! However we do things like lay in the same bed and watch movies (when other ppl arent around), and spend as much time together as possible...i can continue! so yeah i am really attracted to him but afraid to let him know or pursue anything because he has a gurlfriend, and im not sure if he is gay/bi/curioius! he often makes jokes about me calln me gay and stuff (and only if he knew i was bi ) but yeah we make a lot of jokes and do things that typical friends just dont do! however, that doesnt necesarily make him or us gay/bi/curious! lol...his gurlfriend and our friends make jokes about how we act like a couple and stuff!

 

...to skip along to the good stuff

today we went to the bathroom, and we engaged in small talk (which in most cases, guys just dont talk to eachother in the bathroom, and we even locked eyes while talkn! even though i wanted to continue the small talk and glance into his eyes i didnt bcuz i get so nervous bcuz im so attracted to him, so i cut my eyes away! however, when he finished i noticed that he looked over and glanced down at my _ _ _ _ _ and then backed away as if he didnt do anything!

 

haha, i wanted to say did u just look @ my stuff, and say somethin like let me c but instead i was too shy and didnt do ne thing...i didnt even mention that i saw him do that!

 

WAT DO YOU THINK? ANY IDEAS, QUESTIONS, OPINIONS, OR ADVICE??!?!?!

[Darketernal]

Two guys laying in the same bed eh, for a straight guy such an act would be 'unthinkable' , so in such a situation(that is if he'd be single) i would definitly tease him in a simular way about being gay and such, 8/10 that he's either gay or bi-sexual.

 

You see the problem is he still is in a relationship , and you have no right to interfere between 'him' and 'her', and driving a wig between the love that they share.

 

You simply have to wait (and not at any cost or any price actively take part into making them separate)

 

Watch out for that stuff, if you and him where together you would dislike a 'third' party who ruins what you have too, so don't do upon another what you wouldn't like seeing to happen to yourself.

 

When he possibly breaks up then you can tell him your true feelings, basically it all has taken too much time anyway. I think that this stuff has being going on for quite a longer time 2-3 years mayhaps? The thing is , if 'your wrong' and he is 'straight' , it would make him 'extremely' uncomfortable if he comes to the knowledge that he was laying next to a gay person all those years =\

 

That's happyness for you but hell for him lol, i hope you can understand that. But anyway his comments are suspicious to say the least, but for now just wait and see.

[Jinx]

It is interesting, he is either quite comfortable with his sexuality or is questioning, which I realize are two broad differences and on opposite ends of the spectrum. I've heard guys joke about being gay as much as they use it for teasing one another, so I can't say much about it, as it isn't a clear indicator.

 

Furthermore, like Darketernal mentioned, breaking into the middle of this while he has a girlfriend is just messy and doesn't show much for standards if he cheats. Cheating is just that no matter gender or orientation, and it'll just be worse when it is of the gay matter. Like many people have said many times before in other posts on this board, should you two let out mutual feelings for one another, if he is truly interested he will manage to break up with her in a timely fashion, period. There is no need hurting yourself or his girlfriend by wedging yourself in the middle. Nonetheless, very few people would ever want to date someone who has prior track record of cheating with an involved person, because the mind goes, "Well if he did it once, he'll just up and do it again, what could possibly halt such action..."

 

Back to the question at hand, if you feel comfortable enough and trust him to remain calm, you could be blunt and ask if he has ever been interested in men. Of course, this could be like Russian Roulette, whether it was fine in fun and games but is shocking in reality. That is where I'd be iffy, if he is just comfortable and you come onto him, it may send him off. If you wanted to come out or hint at, if he asks you about having a girlfriend, comment along the lines of it not being your line of interest or something like that.

 

In being the bringer of bad news, I had a female friend who was extremely open and very touchy feely and spent a lot of close time with me and acted a lot like this guy you speak of, I came out and in a matter of months she wanted little to do with me, interested or not. I'm just saying when you do come out to him, it may end up being mutual, then again it may end up being a disaster and have to consider both sides of the situation at hand because it truly can go either way.

[sexyguy2004]

Thanx for ur responses! and i totally agree with you both although I am curious just to know about his curiousness or bisexuality...i feel like its kind of pointless to find out right now! As stated by you guys...i do not want to wedge in between his relationship (i actually know his gurlfriend and i am really cool with her)! however, we have both had our jealous moments (me gettn jealous when i see them together a lot even though there together, and her getting jealous bcuz of how close we are and how much time we spend together), so he found a balance and im cool with everything now i mean she is his gurlfriend! i feel like if he found out i was bi and he has been layn n bed with me for all this time he would be more upset if ppl found out about it more than him just knowing!

its not like im waiting for them to break up (or encouraging it), but if they do break up...then i think i will try to spark a conversation, or actions or watever. however they have been together for about 10 months so yeah

 

haha yeah it has actually been a little over 2 yrs since we have been best friends! we pledged a fraternity together...and pretty much only bcuz we were gonna pledge together! we do everything together, im actually just getting in from the gym with him!

about talkn with him about it, i feel like it would b a hard conversation for the both of us and perhaps he would act b4 sayn anything! i have heard him say that being gay is gross (even though i think he just said it bcuz of the ppl we were around), but other times he does stuff.....today after workn out we sat on the bench talkn and in the middle of the conversation we looked into eachothers eyes, and locked eyes...and stopped talkn. then we smiled and continued our conversation! but when he got back to his room he IMed and said "biotch" and we went back and forth for a min then talkd!

well im going to stop babbling on about this...i could continue for ever about stories

[Prufrock06]

sexyguy,

 

It's a tricky situation because you want to know what your friend's deal is (whether he's bi/gay/curious) but at the same time, it's complicated because he's in a relationship with a girl. As to whether he invests a lot of interest in this relationship, or whether it's a means of ignoring his feelings, no one can say except him. Given that, I wholeheartedly agree with the other posters in that to do anything drastic like making a move on him would almost certainly complicate things further. Although, if you want my honest opinion (keeping in mind that I could always be wrong): it seems to me from what you write that he is almost certainly curious about being with you and, were he not in this situation with his girlfriend or in such a straight-male-dominated community like a fraternity, would be more comfortable actively flirting with you.

 

However, that doesn't really solve the problem of your frustration with all these mixed signals, does it? The only thing I can suggest is the same thing that works for me in these types of situations: patience and perseverance. Given that you seem to post about this issue every week or so, I can imagine how much it weighs on your mind. Still, talking about it and maybe treating it casually are the best ways to not let it get to your head (or your heart), especially considering the fact that you're not sure whether your feelings for him are genuinely reciprocated. There's some strength to be found in the idea of recognizing that, as of right now, nothing is really going to happen with this guy. Being more aware of the complicated-ness of the situation will help make the situation more bearable, in a sense.

[sexyguy2004]

thanx a lot for ur posts (every1) and i most certainly agree with you all! i simply post on here to vent and speak my mind and thanx for listening and giving me in put

i am gonna just hang out and chill....and if they break up or something happens im gonna go from there! its just so hard...cuz im single and example today he texted me 12 times! and called me twice! i texted him back and called him once! we saw eachother this morning (working out), we are takn a class together, and we are gonna see eachother l8r!

 

IDK i can honestly say that i have feelings for him...and i think things clearly before deciding anything! and this is why i simply get on here often and vent!

[Jinx]

i am gonna just hang out and chill....and if they break up or something happens im gonna go from there! its just so hard...cuz im single and example today he texted me 12 times! and called me twice! i texted him back and called him once! we saw eachother this morning (working out), we are takn a class together, and we are gonna see eachother l8r!

 

:shocked!:

 

Okay back to rational thought and response. 12? That is quite a lot, and unless he has a special plan where he can use up text messages like that, I can see where that is a point. I don't even use my text messages unless I absolutely have to, and we among friends joke that unless we're going to pay each other for text messages later, we'll settle for calls when we're on weekend free minutes (maybe we're just a cheap college lot...).

 

What does he say in all these messages? Is it just a What is up? type of situation or something more? I can see where you're coming from (it is bad when text messages speak volumes like that to people because of cost) I've yet to find a place where they're cheap either. Those I've checked come with a standard free 12 or so, then its insane pricing after that. May I just need advice on getting a better plan.

 

it seems to me from what you write that he is almost certainly curious about being with you and, were he not in this situation with his girlfriend or in such a straight-male-dominated community like a fraternity, would be more comfortable actively flirting with you.

 

I agree with Prufrock entirely on this note. Being involved with a girlfriend and being part of a fraternity as such, it may seem more hassle to him in coming out than living the straight life. Certain fraternities I hear are extremely open minded about their gay inductees and what not, and others are homophobic enough it will make one's head spin. Depending on the environment, Prufrock may of hit the nail on the head with that statement.

[drjqd112804]

It is possible for a straight guy to lay and even sleep in the same bed with another guy.

 

I layed in my bed playing games with a few of my straight guy friends who even KNEW i was gay. One of them even flashed me as a joke. He's not gay though, and i know that.

 

Just because you lay and or even sleep in the same bed dont mean he is gay. If he is constantly accidentally 'touching' you while you are doing it then yeah, he might be.

 

As for the looked at your penis thing. He might have. But you might have just wanted him to and thought he did also. And if he did - he might just be curious as to whether your bigger or not. Doesnt make him gay.

 

Sorry if i sound negative. I just dont like it when alot of people make it sound like someones gay when there is a big change he might NOT be gay.

 

Dont get your hopes up, but you could 'accidentally' touch him while laying in bed together.

 

Dont do it too much though, and dont make it too obvious just in case. Just see if he moves away.

[sexyguy2004]

I just dont like it when alot of people make it sound like someones gay when there is a big change he might NOT be gay.

quote]

[sexyguy2004]

I couldnt agree with u more!

 

"I just dont like it when alot of people make it sound like someones gay when there is a big change he might NOT be gay."

 

Its just that so much stuff has happened over the course of our friendship that point to him being gay/bi/curious! and we do so many things that we do not do in front of our other friends or fraternity etc. when we were in bed watchn movies etc. he did things like lay his leg over my leg or put his head up against mine or something like that and im not makn up him glancing over at me in the bathroom...he leaned pretty far to look, mayb he was just curious about size but either way im attracted to this guy a lot!

g2g goin to lunch with him right now