I Miss Him!

[whitci]

I dated this guy for two years (jr. and sr. years of high school) and I was totally amazed by how much I fell in love with him -- I had so much fun and everything was great. Last year, we both started college. He went to school in New York and I went to Los Angeles (we're both from Texas). I had gotten into a school in New York and was debating going there when he decided that he was going to New York. So I decided that I would be extremely mature and go to LA. I really don't think that it's a good idea for people to only date each other, without ever knowing what else there is out there. And it's not like I would have been okay with getting married or anything now anyway. He felt the same way, and so I went to LA. I really didn't like the school that I went to, and I talked to him a lot and everything, but I don't think that missing him was the reason that I didn't like my school. I kind of dated another guy, but I never really was that interested because my old boyfriend came to see me and I saw him rather regularly. I'm sorry that this is so long and detailed, but I really want to say everything so I don't leave anything important out. Over Spring Break, I went back home and I was planning on seeing him in Texas, too. Like a day before he was supposed to come, I guess that his cell phone accidentally called me or something, because I answered and I could hear him talking. I know that this was not a terribly moral thing to do, but I listened to him talking to some girl. (By the way, I had totally been supportive of him dating other people, but he had assured me that he wasn't anyway) And I listened and it just sounded like he was talking to her about things in out home town. And, I don't remember exactly what was said, but I decided that he was back in Texas after listening to his conversation. So I called him, and he said 'no, that's so silly, i'm in new jersey, blah, blah, blah.' So I thought that he was probably telling the truth and everything but I just couldn't get it out of my head. So, many hours of wondering later, I decided to just call his parents and ask if he was in town yet. So I did. And he was. He had brought the girl he was dating in New York back home, and had lied to me about when he was returning so that he could still see me after she left. I was so hurt and upset. Not as much because he had another girlfriend, but that he didn't even want to see me the whole time; it was horribly upsetting. But he came over to my house right away and cried and sent her back (which, actually, is really mean, too) and just was really upset and wanted me back so badly that I eventually said okay. So we talked when I went back to LA and stuff. Anyway, I ended up transferring this Fall to the school that I wanted to go to in New York. This summer, my old boyfriend (I don't even like to call him my ex) and I were just as together as we ever were back home, and we had so much fun and everything was the way it used to be. So, this September I went to New York before he did (we don't go to the same school here), and I talked to him and everything, and I had decided that we should see other people (as had he), but that we'd still be in love and everything. So then, after we'd both been here awhile and had gone out a couple of times, he had me come to his house to fix my computer and there was a girl there that was obviously staying with him and they were for sure together. That was really suprising because I had told him that I knew he'd date other people, but he had lied to me about it and told me he wasn't, even though I wouldn't have been mad or anything. But going there and realizing that he wasn't just dating her, they were a couple, was soooo upsetting! And I got all upset and he said he was sorry and everything but that we shouldn't date now because we're so young (which I totally agree with). But what's really confusing to me is that we still talk several times a day and he still talks about how we'll always be together and how wonderful I am and how much in love with me he is, and that his girlfriend and he don't have a big-deal relationship, he's still in love with me. And I'm not an idiot -- I know that he's moved on and I haven't, and I don't know what to do about it. I've never loved someone before and any other relationships I've had, I've ended. And he makes it harder by still acting like we're together, because I really would love to be with him again. But he's obvioulsy not interested in that, and so I guess that I just want someone's opinion, and I guess that I just need help in getting over this and in doing the right thing by moving on. Thank you sooo much for reading this really long thing, and I'd really appreciate any help! Thanks again!

[JustAnotherFriend]

Dear Whitci,

The solution I can provide to your problem will be tough on you but is in your best interest. After reading all that you have to say, I think you should leave this guy. He is not in love with you. I'm very sorry if that hurt but the sooner you accept it the better it will be for you. Please realise that a person who lies and is secretive about his personal life can not be trusted with a life-time relationship. You need to lose contact with this person. Please try meeting other people, there will definitely be someone out there who can make you very happy.

When two people have stayed together for a very long time, they get used to each other. That is sometimes misunderstood for love when actually its just a matter of habit.

Please try and forget about this guy. Get yourself busy with some courses, other people and activities which take all your time so that you dont get too much time to think about him.

Initially you'll find it difficult but finally you will be glad you broke off as some time later in life someone real special will come along, who loves you in return for your love and is probably more trust worthy.

Take care.