My ex sent me flowers!

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

This morning my home phone rings and it's a florist saying somebody sent me flowers and they need directions to my house. I ask who they are from and they say my ex's name! I am completely floored. They are a very beautiful array of flowers, and I NEVER EVER thought my ex was capable of doing something like this. He read in the paper that my mother had died, so he sent them. I honestly thought it was some kind of sick joke played by somebody. This is the guy that I changed my phone number to avoid ...if any of you have read my posts. I called him a couple hours after receiving the flowers and we talked for a bit. His parents kicked him out of the house because he's been acting a little crazy. They think he needs medication, and to be honest I think he does too. The things that he says sometimes are so mean, like he never cared about me..he must be bi-polar. I don't know what to do, this is a really sweet gesture on his part, to get him to do something sweet before was like pulling teeth. I met up with him later in the night for drinks and we ended up having the best sex EVER! It was mindblowing! I don't know what to do, I am torn. I talked with his best friend, and his best friend said that J%@ is a really nice guy, but has issues like the rest of us. I want to attribute the horrible things he's said to me to his mental illness, but I just don't know. I love him dearly, but I've been through so much hurt. I don't know what to do. I NEED some really good advice.

[Beyondthesea]

I know you don't want to hear it, but here is the best advice anyone could offer you: Stay away from him, don't allow yourself to be drawn back into this horrible relationship you worked so hard to get away from.

 

Fact 1: you and he are very different people. You don't want kids, he does for example. BIG PROBLEM.

 

Fact 2: He was acting crazy when you were dating him. Now he's acting crazy to the point where his parents booted him out. Certainly he could be bipolar, but that's no excuse to allow him to abuse you verbally, emotionally or any other way.

 

Fact 3: Of course you had great sex, he's your ex. When you're with him, things are always different and will slowly turn back to the way they were. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Have any issues been resolved? Has he changed in the least? Has he become a better person? Nope. Then why go through it all again???

 

Fact 4: Just because he did one nice thing doesn't make him a changed man. He has issues like the rest of us, but ask yourself if you would ever treat him as poorly as he has treated you in the past.

 

Trust me on this, he hasn't changed. You are just vulnerable and wavering, and lonely. There's no reason to jump back into this and have to go through the break up all over again.

 

You can't attribute his abuse to you as mental illness. If he really thought he had a mental illness, he'd be getting counseling and be on medication. And by the way, although this sounds cruel, do you really want to burden yourself with him the rest of your life? People with severe mental illness normally waver back and forth their entire life...it's not a fun, easy going life by any means.

 

God speed my dear.

[Beyondthesea]

And also, you've broken up with him before this round as well...why bother going through it all again? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

[venus777]

this abusive guy i dated called me up last week to tell me he thinks he is mentally ill and then proceeded to tell me he thinks he is a shaman.

i'm sorry but he will never ever wheedle his way back into my life. he's lost me. no one gets away with treating me that way....

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

I almost want to have a heart to heart talk with him about his behavior. But I'm thinking, hell, if his mom cannot convince him he needs meds, who am I to try? I think it would make things worse if I brought it up. I know he's toxic and I should stay away, but I almost feel bad for him. My mother was bi-polar, and it all makes sense now. She could say some pretty harsh things in her day, and it's almost mirror-like behavior to that of my ex's. I know people don't change overnight, but rewind to a year ago, and he was a totally different guy. He was terrible then. He's made really big steps and his actions definitely speak louder than his words, but only for so long until I get mad and stop talking to him. That's when he shocks me with acts of random sweetness. Why the hell did he have to send me beautiful flowers, I'm all messed up now LOL.

[venus777]

It's not YOUR problem it's his. And whenever you doubt it, think about all the mean things he did.