I'm losing it

[Liquid Dream]

I can't take this anymore. I just can't find a reason or purpose that I even exist, I really hate myself sometimes, I struggle against old habits of cutting. My mom is just really killing me! She thinks I'm lazy because I can't find a job. I would go out and look for a job but my brother can't take me because he's always at work and my mom works nights so she sleeps all day. I JUST FEEL SO CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE! I have no friends or social life, and I'm used to that. But the this job thing is really killing me. All my familiy tells me is to get a car. I have no job to afford a car besides the gas, insurance, oil changes etc. I would walk someplace but there aren't any jobs within walking distance. I just want to make some money to save. I know this is stupid to be upset about. I just have such a unfilling life. I just want to die sometimes. Each day wake up go online watch tv, go to bed everyday. I hate myself so much. I just can't stand it.

[pumpkinjam]

your family are talking nonsense. you are obviously trying to find a job. could you go to college or something like that? that way you can meet new people at the same time. i have felt a like you do but there are ways to deal with it. you could even look out for ads in the local papers for jobs where you work from home. ofcourse you can't afford a car when you have no job and i can't understand how your family think you can. not having a job doesn't mean you're lazy. get application forms for everything you see and fill them in(even if you have no interest in the job). leave them where your family can see them so they are aware that you are looking. when you feel down, take yourself for a walk. i find it relaxing to sit near water and just watch it. if there is a park near you with a pond or lake maybe then try this. it doesn't work for everyone but it's worth trying! the important thing to remember is that YOU know you are trying. don't let your family get you down.