After she broke it off with me, immediately going out with someone else from the job

[Tears May Fall]

well i had posted here a few weeks back stating basically how a recent g/f of mine broke it off with me soon after my dad had passed away, heres the link to that post

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Now she had gotten me a job at the hospital we now work at a few months back. When she was on the verge of breaking up with me, I had the feeling she was seeing someone else when we split, and soon after we split, i came to find out recently she is indeed going out with someone else in our same department. Now this is just absolutely frustating, and i cant stand the sight of her. She still wants to act like everything is all good and we can be friends, but as for myself, im totally up in flames over how she could quite possible do this.

I really dont care about our relationship anymore, as i completely forgot about as soon as she broke it off with me and dont miss her or want her back. However the thoughts dont leave my mind as to how she could do this. Now its just frustating having to look forward to seeing her at work every now and then. I actually just woke up out of a dream where i bumped into the two of them together, and basically this indicates to me that i still subconsciously think about her, but only in a negative, angry way, with no real feelings involved anymore. It still angers me, and now only more as i concretely know she is indeed going out with someone else in our same department. How the heck do i deal with this and just get her off my mind?  

[miracle29]

You have every right..to feel betrayed and angered....but her just due..is coming right around the corner. You don't have to do a thing...just sit back and watch the Karma train run her off her tracks.

 

Since she was sneaking behind your back..it wont be but a matter of time before her and this guy don't work out , because either he will betray her or she'll betray him..then she may even indeed want you back..in which case you'd be off your rocker to take her back.

 

It hurts now..but you will get the last laugh later...mark my words on this one. I've been here...done that..got the t-shirt..a better husband and a baby..i'm so glad the loser guy did me wrong..he did me a favor.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi Tears May Fall,

 

I'm in the same boat as you.

 

It is rough but you can do it. Take the high road. Don't talk about it at work. When coworkers ask I've acknowledged the split but that is all. When they ask "are her and him together" I reply "I don't know, you should ask her."

 

When you have to talk to her at work, keep it business and business only.

 

I too had a dream like yours but I think that was a big turning point for me. I don't think about the hows and whys anymore. When you have to see the ex and her new boyfriend in a controlled environment, they don't get off your mind. For me, I started thinking about her / them differently. It has taken about 3 months to get to this state, and you'll get there to. Do what ever you can to control your anger.

 

Be yourself and try your best to show off the positive side everybody is use to seeing. This kind of attitude has helped me get through this at work and has kept my reputation in tact.

 

Come here when you need to vent. Don't vent to coworkers. We are here 24/7 and can offer help or just listen when you need it.

 

Hang in there!

bcuzitwasfun

[hazlcha]

Yeah that's rough. You were betrayed by her, i.e., she left you for someone she thought more attractive to her. I know how awful that sounds, but that's probably what you're telling yourself and why it bothers you so much. And then you see her daily and she wants to act as if nothing happened.

 

From her perspective, she simply met someone who she connected to in a different way. OR, she has a bug which keeps her from a stable relationship, and anyone DIFFERENT has more of an attraction. As miracle says, it'll roll around again. It's impossible to get into someone else's mind, but I know the ways we torture ourselves about these situations.

 

I'll never forget the time when my best friend and I, unbeknownst to each other, asked the same girl out. She said no to me, yes to him. OUCH!!!

But we somehow remained best friends, and eventually I took her out, too. She has thankfully married someone else entirely, because she wasn't for me. In the end, finding your own soulmate makes all these little sad detours fade away into nothingness.

 

So reclaim your manhood and go get a woman who deserves you. Then treat this girl like she's just a coworker absolutely no more interesting to you than the water cooler.

[lgirl]

miracle29,

 

do you really believe in the karma thing? please explain how you see it works - i have been hanging on by a thread hoping that my ex will get the karma he deserves for the totally unnecessary cruelty he exposed me to at the end of our r/shp. people are so quick to rubbish the concept of karma - like only fools believe etc and that my ex has got away with his inexcusable behaviour b/c hey, that's life (BTW these are not my thoughts)!

 

i would love to think he's got it coming to him. i was told that cruelty never goes unpunished by the universe. do you believe this? i feel like if i KNEW that was the case, i'd feel TONNES better about everything. instead i feel i'm still clearing up the toxic mess he left me with, but he's got off scot-free

[Tears May Fall]

yea i try to think of it in positive ways, that im better off not being with such a selfish minded girl anyway, but it isn't easy. I mean i wasnt even with her long, never even really developed any sort of deep feelings or attachment for her, and yet it still is frustating.

The only choice i have left to make is to just act how i normally do whether she is there or not, and be myself, be professional. I dont see him at all because him and I dont work the same shift ever, even though i dont really mind him because he was actually a pretty cool guy, and on his part, unless he knew about us beforehand, he did nothing wrong. On her part though, thats not right, because shes worked with him for almost a year now, and that means she's had her eye on him for quite some time, before she met me even, and thats very upsetting. But some people just aren't respectable, and I would love to treat her so but i dont think its even worth my time to bother acknowledging that much detail about her so I definitely just treat her like the water cooler as you said, lol.

Thanks for the advice or i mightve blown on her this weekend. About the karma thing, ive tried relying on that in the past, and i dont know anymore. Maybe it was me that deserved to be hurt and for her to deserve someone else who could spend more time with her, but then again, my time issue was an entirely unique issue at the time due my father's illness, and that can be read in my thread i stated about in the first post.

[NR498E]

Yea,Thats what I wanna know.....

[alonegirl]

Just thought I would throw my two cents worth here. The same thing happened to me, my ex of 4 years left me to be with someone who he worked with. I was/still am devasted. I thank god I don't have to work with both of them, I wouldn't be able to do it, she knew about us being in a serious relationship. It is such an awful feeling, my self-esteem has gone down the tolliet since this happened, I keep wondering why is she better than me? Why didn't he tell me he was feeling this way? The ? will die down eventually and it gets easier to deal with, it will probably always sting a little bit when you think about it.

About the whole karma thing, I was a believer in Karma when this happened to me but now here we are almost a year later and him and her are still together and he seems to b pretty happy, so I guess Im not a big believer in karma, I thought that if something was going to happen it would of by now, don't wait around for karma to happen because if it never does it makes you feel even worse (trust me I know)

[Diggitydave]

If anyones thinking this

 

I wouldn't sit back and wait hoping that something horrible happens to your ex. That is just evil. They hurt you and they made a mistake. Yes I know it sucks, but be the bigger person, don't get vengeful or wish it in your heart. Yes it is natural, to feel this way, but don't do it, trust me, it will only make things worse. I know it really really sucks when someone hurts or betrays you. They won't realize what they did if when they fall you point and laugh.

[healinginnyc81]

Hey tears may fall, it's so hard to deal with betrayal. It makes it even harder that you have to see them all the time. I'm amazed that you haven't blown up at her or him at work, that's good. I hope you start to feel better. It may take some time so keep posting here and letting out your feelings.

 

I've had a similar experience. My ex left me a couple of months ago for a guy at our college. She's in a couple of my classes and she lives in the same building as me. I see her pretty much everyday and it's been really hard. I'm still wondering "how could she do this?" It's not as bad as before though. If you read through some of my posts you'll see that it comes and goes:

 

 

But what's helped me is to keep thinking that she wasn't trying to hurt me. She found someone else made her happier than I did - why? could be many reasons: our relationship was stagnant, she's addicted to the "warm fuzzy feelings of early love", the other person is really more compatible with her, she didn't like who she was around me, etc. - but is it really her fault if she found this other person while she was with me? I know that after she met him she was still trying to make things work with me for a couple of months but she was confused and of course she was getting over me in that time. It doesn't quite remove the sting of betrayal, but at least it helps ease it some and it keeps me from falling too deep into hate. It also helps me to start seeing that this is not as big a tragedy as it seems and feels.

 

I don't believe in karma. It means that everything bad that happens to you is because of something bad that you did. If it helps you to believe in it, then I guess that's good. For me it helps to believe that bad things can happen unintentionally/accidentally or it can happen because people do things they shouldn't, not because they're bad people but because everyone has moments of weakness and confusion. Life is hard and a lot of times we do things we regret. I hope my ex can find happiness. But for now, I'm trying my hardest to stop thinking about her and start thinking about the world around me and how i can enjoy it more. Good luck, man, I feel for you.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi all,

 

I just don't care if anything bad or good happens to my ex. She apparently can't stand that I don't care.

 

Maybe that is karma for her?

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[Diggitydave]

are you the dumper or dumpee?

[luvagain]

Tears may fall,

 

The same thing happened with me. My ex was moving on while she was still with me. A week after she broke up with me I was told she was with her new boyfriend officially. Other friends told me that she had been seen with him on previous occasions.

 

It hurts and I felt betrayed and cheated. Cheated emotionally because I feel that while she was with me she was thinking of him. This goes for all aspects of our relationship.

 

She is selfish and immature but I can't change that because that's who she became. I really believe her friends had a lot of influence in her decision and the way she is now.

 

All I can say is think positive. I can't say much because I'm still devastated and in shock, even after 4 months. It's barely settling. I totally agree with Miracle29. Just sit back and watch as things unravel (spelling?).

 

Igirl,

 

"i was told that cruelty never goes unpunished by the universe. do you believe this?"

 

I believe it. I think the world knows cheaters and liars. We all get what's coming to us. If someone hurt you you can be certain that sooner or later they too will be hurt. There are times when I wish my ex fels the same way I feel now so that she can experience true pain and suffering. On the other hand, I don't want it to come back to me again so... We all need something to believe in. Karma just sounds good.

 

Miracle29,

 

It's LOVE hearing that because my ex is now with a younger guy who is 2 years younger. He smokes pot, doesn't work and lives off his parents. My ex lives at home, probably at his house which belongs to his parents, and goes to school. Sh ehas nothing to worry about because she has a roof over her head and three meals. Right now she is in the early stages of the honemoon with her boyfriend but I think eventually that will die down knowing that the only thing the boyfriend does is play video games and skates and smokes pot. I guess she likes that.

 

Thanks

[bcuzitwasfun]

Maybe both -

 

She checked out on me in September of 05, I moved out in December. So maybe I'm the dumpee. I know that she was involved with somebody else. I moved out eventhough she wanted me to stay.

 

Thanks,

bcuzitwasfun

[miracle29]

NOt only do i believe in it..i have seen it happen many times to many people. The trick is...or the thing is...you can't just wait for bad things to come back to them. You have to move on with your life..once you do that...it seems all of a sudden things they did to you come around full circle..but by the time you get wind of this..you're totally over them to begin with. Karma or "God Doesnt like Ugly" these are not illusions...its the natural law...you can't just do evil and think you're going to get off scott free. ALso things don't always come back to everyone in the same way...they come back in many ways. Only a fool would think they can do what they want and have no consiquences. In fact..i'd stay away from a person with that weak mentality.

[healinginnyc81]

although i don't believe in karma, i do believe that you will not be happy if you hurt other people. You will not be able to have good relationships, you will drive people away from you, and either you will have a bad conscience or you go through a lot of anxiety trying to hide your guilt.

 

But why do we want to believe in karma? Because we feel bad that we got hurt and we want the ex's to feel what they put us through. It's natural to feel that way, but to really move on, it's good to try to reach a point where you can forgive the past.

[miracle29]

Thats not for everyone. I don't believe in Karma because I am hoping to revenge my hurt from 5 years ago...thats your assumption and its wrong...atleast for me.

 

I think wishing bad Karma on someone is just as bad..so with that being said....I think that people need to go through life knowing that they can't do others wrong and never have consiquences to pay...i also made it very clear that others should not wait hoping bad karma happens to the person who hurt them...i said they should move on and that usually things have a way of coming back on those who have wronged you. Period point blank.

[bcuzitwasfun]

I like John Lennons instant Karma..

 

"Instant karma's gonna get you

Gonna knock you right on the head

You better get yourself together

Pretty soon you're gonna be dead

What in the world you thinking of

Laughing in the face of love

What on earth you tryin' to do

It's up to you, yeah you"

 

I know I'm telling my age ......

 

Do I believe in Karma? I'll put it this way, I would never do what has been done to me. Karma or not, I'm not that kind of person.

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[Tears May Fall]

If anyones thinking this

 

I wouldn't sit back and wait hoping that something horrible happens to your ex. That is just evil. They hurt you and they made a mistake. Yes I know it sucks, but be the bigger person, don't get vengeful or wish it in your heart. Yes it is natural, to feel this way, but don't do it, trust me, it will only make things worse. I know it really really sucks when someone hurts or betrays you. They won't realize what they did if when they fall you point and laugh.

 

I definitely am that way, being the bigger person, i wouldnt ever wish anything bad on anyone, atleast not intentionally, even if i do so subconsciously because its hard not to, i'll fight my thoughts and say thats still wrong, and if she's happy, then let her be, but i still have every right to basically hate her guts, but i'll be mature about it and keep it to myself rather than start something when everything has already ended.

[Tears May Fall]

Wow that is EXACTLY what had happened between us. The relationship wasn't exactly spectacular, there wasnt the greatest chemistry between us, she stated when she broke it off that she felt we were "too different," and i can concur to that as well. I never felt we had that special click. Maybe she has found someone who she can feel more compatible with.

What hurt me more than anything, was my father had just died, i was in an emotional upheaval, i had no time to bicker with the relationship nor to spend with her, yet i still managed to try to give her some time rather than none, and yet she would say "you have no time for me." She asked me a week before she split with me if i saw this going anywhere, and i said quite honestly at the moment, im not so sure, but i just feel you havent gotten to know the real me through all the chaos with my dad, and now that im trying to put that behind me, give me a chance, a couple of weeks for us to hang out more than we ever did, just to get to know each other better again and see if we do feel right for each other or not. She agreed at the time, but then never hung out with me again, giving me excuses each time i'd ask her to hang out, and a few days later, cut it off with me, even thought i told her before that i needed her more than ever right now. Guess some people are just more selfish than u can expect, as she stated "i gotta look out for myself too you know"

[healinginnyc81]

hey tears may fall, it seems this was the worst time for her to leave you. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this alone. But well, you don't have to do it alone because you at least have us here. It can be really overwhelming when you have to deal with everything falling apart at once. I hope you'll keep using this forum to vent and maybe gain some insight and support from other people who are going through similar experiences.

[Tears May Fall]

Thanks for all the help. I saw her at work today, and acted normal around her, spoke to her like as if nothing had ever happened. Im not one to really hold grudges, be vengeful, or just be mad at anyone, my life is too good to waste time being upset so i prefer to just always have fun and make the most of each and everyday. If i show anger, i feel as though its a waste of my energy and it brings me down along with it, and i try to keep myself positive minded and happy at all times.

Besides, if i let her see that its affecting me, then she'll have the upper hand, even though i hate playing games, but its the world we live in.

[Diggitydave]

Thanks for all the help. I saw her at work today, and acted normal around her, spoke to her like as if nothing had ever happened. Im not one to really hold grudges, be vengeful, or just be mad at anyone, my life is too good to waste time being upset so i prefer to just always have fun and make the most of each and everyday. If i show anger, i feel as though its a waste of my energy and it brings me down along with it, and i try to keep myself positive minded and happy at all times.

Besides, if i let her see that its affecting me, then she'll have the upper hand, even though i hate playing games, but its the world we live in.

 

 

Man that is great.

[healinginnyc81]

Good job!! I hope you keep getting better and better.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Good for you my friend good for you.

 

Don't hold grudges. Don't be vengeful. Do be yourself, the person who everyone knows!

 

I applaud your maturity and resolve in this situation. It doesn't matter who has the upper hand, you are showing that this is not a game and you are doing well no matter what she or anyone else thinks.

 

Hang in there and keep right on going!

bcuzitwasfun