friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Well, tell me specifically. It would help me. "But, give me a break, she goes out with some guy a few times and is mad because I didn't call as many times as she would have liked???" "I figure, this is great! She's planning things for next month, we're gonna be OK! We spend the whole day together and go to my parents for my B-day dinner. We get back to my house and she says she just want to be with her girlfriends and doesn't want to have a relationship with me anymore. Well, then why the hell is she buying tickets for a show next month?? LOL" "She seemed happy that I told and showed her how much she means to me but it hasn't brought her back. Instead, she says that it almost makes her mad at me." "Many of her actions scare me and I just didn't want to get too caught up in her a get myslelf involved with a bad woman." "I begged her to let me fly up and see her, and she always said no. Finally, I bought tickets and told her I was coming anyway. She was so pissed! Well, I flew up to see her for a few days. The instant I got home, she calls me up and thanked me so much for coming to see her and we got back together." "She says it's over "for now" Seems like she's leaving herself room for the possibility of getting back together. Today I told her one of my customers wants to set me up with their daughter. She became very interested in that. She wondered if I would do it, and if I would kiss her, and if I would tell her if I kissed her, etc." "She's not a liar, but she can withhold information sometimes." "Listen to this! I go over to house last night and she is still "out with her friends". So I text message her and I get no response. So 6:30 this morning she sends me a text. I asked where she was and she asks "why" I told her I went over to her place to drop off her mail and she wasn't home. She says she stayed at a friends house. LOL Apparently, the guy she no longer was gonna date invited her to see a movie a she slept over. What a joke." "So later that night she texts: "Remember that CD we made? There is a song missing " 1 hour later she texts: "I figured you would get rid of the pictures but not that soon" Then again 3 hours later at 11 pm: "Looking at the pics and listening to our CD. You're right we had good times too."" "She also said that the guy broke if off with her when he found out she went out with me on my B-day. She stated that she basically begged the guy to take her back and he said they could still hang out once in a while. But the very next day he invited her over for the night." "However she says now that she saw us as over 2 months ago. Well, that's a bold statement considering she wanted to spend time with me all last month up unitl 1 week ago." "Yeah, apparently just after the guy said he wouldn't see her anymore, he hooked up with an ex of his. That must have been why she told me the next day that things were over with him and he wasn't right cause he didn't posess some of my qualities (ie. not sleeping with ex's etc) But he called her the next day and she went right on over." She sounds nuts to me... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Mark. I really think you should stop reading her email. It's only hurting you more. Just let go bro...it's for the best...really... Link to comment
solo34 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Yeah Mark...don't read her emails. You're really going 2 stumble upon something that is going 2 hurt U even more, and plus, it's not meant 4 U 2 see unless she was 2 send it 2 U. Also, don't check her myspace, Xanga, etc. type of sites if she has one. Leave all that BS information 4 her and her friends. If it's anything she wants U 2 know, then trust me, she'll let U know. -Solo34 Link to comment
markm Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 Does she know you have access to her email? If so, I am sure she's aware there is a 99% chance you're reading this stuff! she has no idea So how do I get my key back? I also have more of her mail. I don't want to have to bring the mail to her everytime, that's B.S. I don't want to break the NC, so what do I do? Should I text her that she has mail and ask for my key? It is my only gate key. Oh well, I just text her about it. Link to comment
markm Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 well she came over to pick up her mail. I dressed up real nice looking like I was going out for the night. We talked for about an hour. We didn't talk about our relationship at all. I just kept smiling and laughing with her. A few times as she was talking she was glassey eyed. She asked if I was going out and I said I was in a bit. So she finally started to leave and she was getting a bit glassy eyed again. She asked for a hug and I did. Then she went in for a kiss and I pulled back. Then she hugged me harder. I asked if she was OK, and she wimpered "yeah, but it's still hard" Then she left. I was in total control and appeared ready to move on. I wanted so bad to start kissing her but it would have just given her back the confidence to leave me. What do you guys think? Link to comment
solo34 Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I think U did the right things there, plus, U pulled away...nice touch. -Solo34 Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I think you did done good my man...way to go... You got your stuff, sealed up those details, and left with dignity... You got your key, right? Now maintain NC and don't look back... Nice job... Link to comment
markm Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 I think you did done good my man...way to go... You got your stuff, sealed up those details, and left with dignity... You got your key, right? Now maintain NC and don't look back... Nice job... The thing is I would like to get her back. Call me crazy but I would. She is also under the impression I am seeing someone, which I know drives her nuts. When I texted her that she had mail and she could pick it up, she took a shower and came right over. When we were talking she was figity and constantly touching her own skin. She was in no rush to leave. Then she asks for a hug and moved in for a kiss. Well the other day when I tried to kiss her she wouldn't kiss back. She obviously has feelings for me but is probably afraid. So, that being said..... What is my next step? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 The thing is I would like to get her back. Call me crazy but I would. She is also under the impression I am seeing someone, which I know drives her nuts. When I texted her that she had mail and she could pick it up, she took a shower and came right over. When we were talking she was figity and constantly touching her own skin. She was in no rush to leave. Then she asks for a hug and moved in for a kiss. Well the other day when I tried to kiss her she wouldn't kiss back. She obviously has feelings for me but is probably afraid. So, that being said..... What is my next step? Your next step? A step back, then another, and another... Mark, please believe me, you are blinded by love, detachment, caught up in silly games with this woman, and other feelings right now. Your posts here have spoken a truth beyond all that which says this woman is not for me. You are headed down the path to the emotional rollercoaster with your thinking here. Listen to yourself, talking about trying to kiss and pulling back, touching her own skin...you are crazy right now Mark and you need to absolutely cut all ties with this woman ASAP, do your hurting like a man, and move on! Somebody's got to step up to plate and put an end to this game that's going on here. I think if you do that, take control like that and cut it clean, it will drastically help your healing process...don't let her run your life Mark... Link to comment
Scout Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 And Mark, I think you should really start to get a better understanding of what you truly need in a relationship and also, if you have commitment and communication issues that you need to work out. I can't lay all the blame of this relationship's demise on the girl, you've stated many times you withheld emotion from her. I'm not too comfortable excusing that because you knew subconsciously that she wasn't right for you. It takes two people to make a relationship "right." You know what? Relationships take constant work. It should be a joyous work, but it's work nevertheless. At this point, I think you and your girl have created too much of a negative history and negative communication dynamics for this relationship to be repaired. Both of you also need to gain some more maturity, in my opinion, too. Neither of you really equipped the other with confidence and trust. It is best you move on, I think. But if you don't fix the issues in yourself that contributed to this relationship's conflicts, I foresee you repeating history again and again, just with different girls. Link to comment
markm Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 I was just explaing her actions. She wanted to get close to me and was crying as she left. She looked like she wanted to be together and her feelings were still there. I still love her, and I would like to give it another try. Sorry guys. Link to comment
Scout Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Lol, don't apologize. Your feelings are natural. But...you do know that giving something another try only works when both partners realized what the problems were and have since resolved those problems? And right now she's concentrating on a new guy, rather than your relationship's problems. I really urge you to go into NC after this. Mr. New Guy's faults and foibles will soon rear their ugly head. And she'll probably try contacting you again at some point. But aren't you ready to stop begging this girl to make things work? It must be exhausting for you. I really hope you'll put some focus back on yourself for a while. You really need the break, in my opinion, from this rollercoaster. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I was just explaing her actions. She wanted to get close to me and was crying as she left. She looked like she wanted to be together and her feelings were still there. I still love her, and I would like to give it another try. Sorry guys. Well, do what you feel you need to do. If throwing yourself back into the fire is what it takes, then so be it. We'll be here to listen when you post about the breakup... Link to comment
markm Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Lol, don't apologize. Your feelings are natural. But...you do know that giving something another try only works when both partners realized what the problems were and have since resolved those problems? And right now she's concentrating on a new guy, rather than your relationship's problems. I really urge you to go into NC after this. Mr. New Guy's faults and foibles will soon rear their ugly head. And she'll probably try contacting you again at some point. But aren't you ready to stop begging this girl to make things work? It must be exhausting for you. I really hope you'll put some focus back on yourself for a while. You really need the break, in my opinion, from this rollercoaster. I just don't want her to take her relationship with this guy to another level. I feel like I had her where I wanted her last night, and now is the time to act. Link to comment
Scout Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Well...like Friscodj said, it may take another round or two before you learn this relationship is indeed a toxic one. I really think you should consider his advice, though. He speaks from personal experience on this. Link to comment
markm Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Well...like Friscodj said, it may take another round or two before you learn this relationship is indeed a toxic one. I really think you should consider his advice, though. He speaks from personal experience on this. How would you evaluate her feelings at this moment? Link to comment
Scout Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Honestly? I think SHE'S got YOU where she wants you. I don't think she's a bad person, per se, but I do think both of you need some real maturity growth before you can be in a healthy relationship, either with or without each other. I think based on her email to her friend you showed us, she's more excited about starting something with this new guy than revisiting her relationship with you. I think she's sad to end things, but not sad enough to prevent things from ending. .She's effectively avoided having to do much inner reflection on you two by quickly instead starting a new relationship. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Well...like Friscodj said, it may take another round or two before you learn this relationship is indeed a toxic one. I really think you should consider his advice, though. He speaks from personal experience on this. Hey thanks Scout... You know what though? I finally learned for myself after going back so many times and going through the wringer until I finally said "F-it"... I think that's what you need to do then Mark...you need to get whacked in the nuts by the emotional baseball bat another time or two before you'll get it... Seriously, go for it...I did...and I'm pretty much OK now... Link to comment
Scout Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 LOL. That's painful advice, literally. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 LOL. That's painful advice, literally. There have been times when I've felt like a baseball bat to the nuts would have been a welcome break from the emotional hell I was going through after my last break-up... But yeah, Mark, go for it, seriously. Don't let a bunch of Internet strangers stop you from living and learning...at least try to have some fun with her if you can before the guillatine falls... Link to comment
Scout Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Don't let a bunch of Internet strangers stop you from living and learning... Hey! Speak for yourself. Just kidding. Mark, we just want to spare you from the horrible pain most of us have experienced. But yeah, some things you can only learn by trial and error. But...if you REALLY want to get back with her...NC has often been known to make ex's come crawling back. Chasing them? Rarely works, if ever. Link to comment
solo34 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 How long of NC before they come "crawling back?" -Solo34 Link to comment
markm Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Hey! Speak for yourself. Just kidding. Mark, we just want to spare you from the horrible pain most of us have experienced. But yeah, some things you can only learn by trial and error. But...if you REALLY want to get back with her...NC has often been known to make ex's come crawling back. Chasing them? Rarely works, if ever. Dont' you think this situation is different. She was the one that was chasing me all this time and I was not showing her love. If I proceed with too much N/C she may think it's the same old me and just get fed up. She is looking for someone to make her feel good right now and she may just get tired of me with the NC and get closer to the new guy. Link to comment
markm Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Well, she's got more mail today. Perhaps I will text her like I did yesterday about it and see what she does. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Dont' you think this situation is different. Nope... And I really think you should go try and get her back... Link to comment
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