Cheating on yourself or others?

[secret_agent_man]

I guess this isn't a problem for me, just a curiosity, so I'll just begin a discussion...

 

In everyones own opinion, which do you think effects the integrity of a relationship more often, and which do you think should be the most important one?

 

1) "Emotional Infidelity". By this I mean consciously growing strong feelings or emotional bonds with someone else, even if there is no physical or sexual interaction.

 

2) "Physical Infidelity". By this I mean accidental and non-emotional. A physical or sexual relation with someone, not thought through, caught up in the moment.

 

3) "Relational Infidelity". By this I mean the conscious decision to 'cheat' or have physical relations with someone.

 

Obvoiusly the other one would be just a full blown emotional and physical relationship with another person, but I think we all realize that it would be by far the worst...

 

Like I said, which currently seems to cause the most problems in relationships, and which do you think should be the most concerning...

 

Thanks,

S.A.M.

[kdreger]

This is an interesting topic as it will show you the thought patterns of a lot of people. As for me:

 

1) "Emotional Infidelity". By this I mean consciously growing strong feelings or emotional bonds with someone else, even if there is no physical or sexual interaction.

 

This isn't infidelity. This is falling in love. You don't choose who you fall in love with or fall out of love with. Infidelity, IMHO, is a conscious choice. You can't help how you feel. It's what you do based on those feelings that lead to infidelity, which leads us to the next two. An example of this is in the movie "Bridges of Madison Country".

 

2) "Physical Infidelity". By this I mean accidental and non-emotional. A physical or sexual relation with someone, not thought through, caught up in the moment.

 

3) "Relational Infidelity". By this I mean the conscious decision to 'cheat' or have physical relations with someone.

 

Saying you were caught up in the moment is IMHO a cop out. #2 is the same as #3, how do you "accidentally" sleep with someone? People use alcohol as an excuse to rationalize something they WANT to do.

 

Comparing #2 to #3 is like comparing pre-meditated murder to manslaughter. Both are murder. One is just considered worse than the other because one was done in a moment of passion and the other was planned. Both still involve a prison sentence.

[secret_agent_man]

Hmmm, good views!

 

I guess my view on the first one is:

 

You don't choose who you fall in love with, this is true, but in a commitment I think there is more than just that... I think it relies on one's will and integrity. It's easy to begin feelings for someone else, we're human, it can happen. It should be your will and devotion that force you to remove those emotions, and keep them from growing any larger. So I guess what I meant was, "consciously letting yourself become emotionally attached to someone, and keeping it to yourself, knowing that you are committed."

 

I know it seems like the real relationship just wasn't strong enough, but I guess I'm looking at marriage in this case. It's a choice you make to devote yourself, for better or for worse....

 

 

Just MY humble opinions, no argument intended!

Thanks for the post!

 

S.A.M.

[kdreger]

I see your point and agree.

 

If you are in a relationship and find yourself feeling a certain way about someone else, you should remove yourself from the situation. If you don't, I would agree that you're leaning towards infidelity. This is based on my comment that how you act on those feelings leads towards infidelity. You can fall in love with a glance - it's a superficial love but it's love. That is not infidelity. As you say, if you act on it instead of removing yourself from the situation - that's where infidelity comes in.

[secret_agent_man]

Nice point. I understand with more of a common ground now, I guess that's why I posted, just looking to expand my mind!

 

 

Anyone else???

 

Thanks,

S.A.M.

[foreverurz23]

i would have to say the emotional connection between two people in a relationship would be the most important becuase of the fact that you see some religious people not even believing in kissing or even touching before the wedding and you also see long distance relationships only reliying on the emotion connection also.

 

~foreverurz23~