A Story of Healing...Just Let Go!!!

[Orlander]

Hi all,

 

I have posted a lot. My ex broke up with me last August because of religious differences and our quasi-long distance relationship over her 2 year post college schooling. We were together for 4 years. It was great and we loved each other very much. It truly was one of those great relationships in life.

 

Fast forward to Feb. 14th 2006. A lot had happened up to that point. We talked about reconciliation, even had sex in late December. I always felt I needed NC, but kept hanging on because she was. She kept saying she just needed time to work things out in her head. She thought we could still be together. We agreed to NC in January. I gave her a card for Valentine's Day. I broke NC. She sent an email thanking me for the card and said nothing else. I knew things were over.

 

Last Thursday I found out for certain. She emailed me telling me that a lot had happened in her life recently and she had a lot of time to think about things. She felt it best that we not talk openly anymore and that our speaking to each other will "one day just be one of those things that happens naturally."

 

I was devestated. I had held on all this time. I wrote her I had begun to see my faith differently in the past couple of months, which was the truth. I wished her well in the future and told her I loved her.

 

That was one of the worst nights in my life.

 

The next day though, I thought hard about what my next steps to take were. I was miserable. That is when I said those three words "Just Let Go!!!" I said them over and over and over and over again all day. "Just Let Go!!!" Everytime I thought about her or how much the email hurt me I said to myself "Just Let Go!"

 

Last Friday truly felt like the first real day of healing in months and months. I actually felt happiness sneaking back into my life. I knew this was the right thing to do. So, I gathered everything up of hers, put it all in a box and shipped it to my father. My place is clean of her. I moved my bedroom furniture around, deleted all emails from her and forwarded any emails she could potentially send to address I dont have access to. If she calls me, I wont answer.

 

Saturday, I was feeling pretty damned good! Everytime a thought of her came into my head, I reminded myself that I forgive her, I forgive myself and I told myself to "Just let it go". I hadn't seen her in a month when I was at my favorite place to sit and think, Barnes and Nobles and I purchased a new journal for myself to start collecting thoughts.

 

As I opened the door to leave Barnes and Nobles, low and behold, my ex opened the adjacent door to come into the store. I am almost certain she came up there to talk to me. As our paths crossed, she smiled and said "Hi". I smiled, said "Hey" and then kept on walking. I have no idea if she stopped, or turned around or started to say anything else. I just kept walking. It didn't seem awkward to see her. All i saw was someone I used to know. It was nothing to keep walking. I wish it had been this easy all along.

 

As luck would have it, I saw her in another place the next day. We were in our cars and she was parking in the lot of a store I was about to go into. I actually let her turn into a row of parking spots and then kept on driving. i didnt go into the store.

 

If I thought about it long enough I would probably feel that it was a shame that things had to end this way. At the beginning of our break she wanted desperately for me to see things a certain way and now, really I do, but...well, I guess I just have to let it go. There's someone out there waiting for me to heal my heart so I can find her. I dont want to keep her waiting too long.

 

So, NC does work but only when you decide in your heart that you just have to let it go. I dont worry about forgetting about her or the great times we had, because I will always have that big box of memories at my father's house. One day, months and months from now I will give myself permission to open it and remember, but not now. It's not easy for me right now, but I just have to let it go.

 

 

 

Orlander

[puppy]

hi

 

I can certainly relate your story to mine and know what you are going through right now. Thought I give you my opinion about your situation.

 

Everything that you had with your ex-gf, whether good or bad, is something you will never forget. Telling yourself to "Just Let Go!" is one way to not think about it. I have found, simply to accept the past is the past and smile whether it is good or bad.

 

The other thing you might try to focus is the reason why the two of you have broken up (i.e. religious reason) and tell yourself you gave it is a try, but it didn't work out.

 

Good luck with your healing.

 

Woof Woof!

[Orlander]

Hi Puppy. Thanks for hte reply. My problem all this time was that I obsessed over everything. I thought too much about it. Now, it hurts too much to think about us not being together anymore. So, whenever a thought pops into my head, I tell myself just as you said, that it was a great relationship, there were mistakes made on both sides, but the best thing to do now is to just let it go. I'm not obsessing over it anymore.

 

I am sure I will remember the relationship fondly one day, but the wounds are too new right now. I just have to let it go.

 

 

Orlander

[77streaks]

that's so inspiring.

 

i ended things with my ex, cos he had been hiding things from me...such as a card he made for his best friend, an underwear model who calls him the "love of her life" and introducing me as a "friend" to his exdate, whilst kicking up major fusses about me not being committed to him. He would get upset when i refused to answer as to whether i would marry him. and all of this in a 4mth relationship, and while he quit his job.

 

yea, so i know its good to "Just Let Go"

because its never going to work out, and i wouldn't be happy with someone as inconsistent and dramatic as he is ( keeping me up at 3am, cos he is not convinced i love him) Some of this problem is his insecurity and immaturity and my refusal to work it thru...cos i think he needs therapy, he won't get it.

 

i ran into his good friend other day at my bus stop and it was disgusting for me, that "underwear model" girl who irritates me. She wouldn't stop talking, and i found her sickening. Part of me just wanted to ask her why she behaves in such a way, she puts up her nude pictures on msn etc. But, i try not to judge or to put her down, but plainly i am sickened.

 

ergh.

 

I just want to let go, but this nasty aftertaste lingers.

I just want it to go away. i doubt confronting my ex will do any good, i have ended things with him and don't trust him...

 

the thing is i actually believed him before.

now, there are a couple of guys after me asking me out, but i just feel so sickened by guys in general, or rather in my judgement that i just feel very un-able to move on.

 

its been about two weeks, and the rlnship was short...but i still feel so nauseated. I am recovering from an accident, and while the rlnship was good, i felt so safe and happy having someone who cared so much for me, but now it seems so fake, and i feel so disillusioned and unable to let any guy close to me.

 

i just feel terrible, and angry, and i don't know how to express this anger. I feel so pent up and now having to recover physically i try to keep an even temper, but i am so pissed off.

 

i don't know how to deal with it, cos NC keeps me calmer, but i am still simmering...

 

any advice?

[Orlander]

77streaks, thanks for replying. I would say that you are definitely not in a place at the current time to be pursuing any romantic relationships. Healing takes time, so please be good to yourself and give yourself the time you need to heal.

 

I get angry and sad, lonely and feel like I will never find another to love me like my ex. However, whenever I start to feel these things, I tell myself that I deserve better than to linger in these feelings. I acknowledge them, but I just let go of the feelings.

 

I have commited myself to reading up on relationships, on getting the success from relationships and from myself that I desire. I am taking this time to heal my heart and am not dating anyone. I just don't feel like it yet. I get approached for dates. Was approached twice last week, but it just didnt feel right. I've been through a break up like this before so I know what to expect. I just need to give myself time and I think you can benefit from the same.

 

I will find a better, more meaningful relationship. I can have no doubt about that. I just need to have patience and let my last relationship Go. Good luck and post if you need to.

 

 

Orlander