Taking a Break?

[allstar18]

Me and my girlfriend are taking a break after 11 months. How should I treat her while we take this break. Do I still call her or leave her alone. I don't know if I should act as a friend to her right now because I still have feelings for her and I want to be more than friends. Or should I just let her go her own way and not call or and just let or be and see how things turn out. I wanta get back together with her but how should I treat her now?

[daregveda]

without knowing all the particulars, I think most people here would tell you to cut yourself off from contacting her, give her time to think and start missing you. If you do happen to hear from her or see her, remain kind, positive and upbeat. Don't make her latest memory of you be one of pain and conflict. If she is hostile, be patient and remember that she will be running the same gambit of emotions you are. She won't be in the same mood every time you see her, and it might be her way of disguising the pain she feels.

 

I'm going through a "break" also, and while results are inconclusive at this point, trying to stick to these guidelines has helped to relieve some of the suffering I've gone thru since she left. I still worry, I still miss her, but at least there's a plan, a path I can try to follow.

 

Remember, NO CONTACT. Give her time to miss you and wonder what you're doing. You might feel like she will forget about you; get that out of your head. She won't. If, in the time you are apart, she does decide to move on, you will have maintained your dignity and will have already taken your first steps toward getting over her.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[allstar18]

At school though, we see each other all the time should I just say Hi and that's about it, ignore her or what. I feel like if I act like a friend she will want to be friends but I don't want her to just forget me and get over me if I don't talk to her or see her. I feel a break won't work but she is my first girlfriend so I don't know. I'm young and don't really know. I feel like she is already over me and just wants to be friends.

[Relationship Coach]

Most people take "Breaks" because they need space and or time to figure out what direction the relationship is headed. I'm guessing she asked for the break, correct? Probably not the best of signs but if you want a chance to make it work, give her space. Let her know you are there for her but let her make contact with you. Being her friend right now would be a "death sentence", don't do it.

 

RC

[mystik]

hi allstar ...it's okay to feel confused. You're right, you're young, but that only means you're experiencing new things and learning. I remember when my first boyfriend and I went on a "break" when I was 16. I initiated it... we didn't go to the same school but had a lot of mutual friends. I don't think it is wise to ignore her. If you do see her, at least say hi and acknowledge her. You have no obligation to try to have a conversation so that she doesn't "forget" about you...you don't have to "act like a friend." I think it's best to just give her time, follow daregveda's advice. Do not call her, she will only get annoyed that you won't just let the break happen. Keep yourself busy...being clingy or obsessive will only show her why the break should be permanent. Hang out with your friends, be independent, and just wait and see..she will come around on her own time, don't push it. Good luck!

[allstar18]

Yeah she wanted to take a break. She said she wanted space (what does that even mean really). Also we have been argueing over nothing lately and she wants that to stop. She also is mad because some of my friends don't really like her and don't talk to her. I think it's kinda lame or does anyone else think that my friends have to like her or what. There not mean to her they just don't to her that much so she thinks they hate her. I think the best thing to do now is to forget about it and wait and see if she starts to miss me or what. any other ideas or thoughts about this??

[mystik]

Unfortunately, sometimes people who want to break up with you, are too afraid. They are afraid of hurting your feelings and afraid of breaking up with a really great person. Sometimes, they are also afraid that they might be wrong about their decision...so instead of straight out breaking up with you, they say they want a break. They ask for a break because they need to really evaluate whether they still like you. They also want to see what it would be like to be broken up, without actually breaking up. They also ask for a break because then, if they do decide they want to get back together, you're still waiting for them. In a way, it's almost like they're easing you into a break up. However, sometimes they do realize they miss you and you get back together...but sometimes, they're already over you, but are just too chicken to actually dump you. I hope this helps you figure out what she means by needing space. And I think your idea of just "forgetting about it" and just see what happens is a good idea, keep yourself busy!

[allstar18]

That's what I think of when I think off taking a break. She just doesn't want to break up completely. I think she wants to but is to scared to do it. One of her friends though tells me that she was like obessesed with me before so I really don't know.

[mystik]

if that's the impression you get...you're probably right. You're the best person who can be the judge of what she really wants concerning YOU. It seems like you already know what she means by a "break" but are hoping that maybe it isn't so. She may have been obsessed with you before, but sometimes people's feelings do change/fade. How long have you been on this break?

[modgirl21]

Hey, I'm new here and I'm curious what you think of this. I have a boyfriend who broke up with me on Valentine's day. Without going into the particulars of things, he's upset that i didn't help him out with something really important on that day, but after we began to argue a bit he asked me to leave his house and to avoid further conflict, I did. I didn't hear from him any further that day, nothing. I was also our anniversary. The following day we spoke and he pretty much said that we were over and that was our break-up, that he was angry I wasn't with him on such an important day. And what he meant wasn't Valentine's or our anniversary, but it was the other thing he wanted me there with him for. He then told me were were past the threshold of turning back, that we are over. Then also said in the same message that he knows we both want the same things and with each other, but he doesn't want to talk. Then also said we're over again. Then said that if I had any respect for the relationship that I'd listen to what he had to say, don't contact him right now and in the future we can talk about things, but not now. What does that mean? Is it a true break-up or just a 'break' and we'll get together in the future? And what do I do in the meantime as I'm just absolutely miserable? I'm not contacting him as much as it's killing me because i realize any contact with him, unless it's his doing, will be disprespectful to him when he needs his time. What do you think of his diffent thoughts in the message? Are we truly broken up for good?

[mystik]

he's upset that i didn't help him out with something really important on that day, but after we began to argue a bit he asked me to leave his house and to avoid further conflict, I did.

 

well i can certainly see why you're confused, he didn't exactly make it clear what he wanted it to be (break/break up). It almost seems like he doesn't know himself. He seems frustrated, confused and a little angry...but mostly it seems like he doesn't want you to bother him while he deals with it because it'll only make him more confused or pissed off. What was that thing he was so upset about, if you don't mind me asking. Perhaps he really felt like you betrayed him when he really needed you... it must have serious enough that he asked you to leave. It seems like you really upset him? and he is struggling with the fact that you did and doesn't know if he can forgive you. Just some thoughts as I don't know the whole story...

[Diggitydave]

One thing to keep in mind, these are all thoughts and suggestions on the matter as is mine. Your situation is different from anyone elses. Me and my ex tried to do the "break" thing and one of us always slipped up. The MOST IMPORTANT THING. is make it a break, don't cheat. avoid contact, think, make it serious. Make this serious and she will take you seriously for your efforts and you should for hers. Remember this is something she wants, give it to her out of respect and love and if she ever confronts you and thinks you are ignoring her or anything, remember, this was not your decision, you are merely respecting hers.

 

I made the mistake of messing up the "break" by contact and stuff. If she wants to take a break, tell her ok, you call me when you're ready and let me know exactly when you're done taking this break. Distance, time, and faith, will give you the answers you both want.

 

Dave

 

P.S. Leave it at a good note

[whatif]

yah man, if she asked for break, just leave her alone. She want to break up and move on eventually but she doesn't want to hurt you. My GF asked for 'room' to gain perspective and guess what, she started going to out today with the guy I had suspected all along. Life sucks man, but we all gotta deal with it. Move on brother.