What Should I Do?

[omgroman]

I know some of you are constantly dealing with posts similar to mine, but everyone here seems helpful, so i'm hoping some of you are able to help me out.

 

My name is Roman,I'm 15 and in 9th grade. I've just come to realise i am gay, for sure. I've had girlfriend's all my life, up until 8th grade, i was never really attracted to them, but i liked them in a way if that makes any sense..i liked having them around i guess. I'm not really that quiet, i talk alot, and i'm loud, but i have a few classes that i absolutely don't speak in, no friends in them, and the people pick on me constant and i almost cried today..some guy threw a circle tracer thing at me and hit me in my butt, and also kept throwing it at my head. I'm not openly gay, i haven't told anyone, but i think some people are aware of it, and either don't care, or wanna mention to me they know. I haven't told anyone yet for reasons like how my high school is crazy, i already get picked on for being quiet, i just can't imagine how it'd be if everyone knew. I'm afraid of losing my best friends, and my dad doesn't like gay people, and i live with him alone. My mom is a lesbian that lives over 300 miles away from where i live right now.My mother's side of the family, i think it's kind of weird..the majority of the females are lesbians,my grandmother,both aunts,cousins (i cant imagine my sister being one though). My mom along with her girlfriend of 10 years,raised me along with my sister. I do have a femenine habits, but i'm assuming it's from living with 3 girls in a house, with no male figure. I don't have any openly gay friends, or gay friends at all period that i could talk to. I just know these two gay guys, that aren't open, but very obvious. They're annoying, both extremly loud, feminine, and ignorant, and i absolutely hate being around them, i can't even imagine carrying on a conversation with one of them. Anyway,Getting back to what i'm here for.

 

So, There's a guy in my 1st period science class, and my 6th period gym class, Zach. That i've known since 5th grade, so i've known him for a while. (i moved down to WV from PA in 5th grade, so he's one of the few people that i've known the longest.)Anyway, in 1st period, before class starts, he's always in there hanging out along with two of my other friends, so i always go in too. He just lays down over top of one of the tables,and i go and sit down in my seat 2 tables over from where he lays at. The whole time, i'll talk to my friends some, and constantly look over at him, i cant help it, but he looks back at me..and i look down..and do it over,and sometimes he's looking at me..and we do this for like 20 minutes until class starts, and i'm just thinking to myself omg i want you/take me on the table nooow.I've also tried to see if his pupils were dilated, like some of you said before in how someone looks at you, and my eyes are kinda bad and i really cannot see his eyes good enough to tell. We do talk a little bit, but i haven't really carried on a conversation with him in a while, i guess i don't know how to approach him and just start a conversation..i kinda just go with the flow. He'll smile at me sometimes, and his smile makes me smile, so i smile back. He's so sweet and nice to me, but i don't want to take advantage of our friendship and try to build on something that's not even there. He's touched my as* before in gym class, and was smiling at me, but i wasn't quite sure if he was playing with me..so i just played it off like i didn't care and look at him ( the tease *.*). My gym class was playing volleyball once (that i suck at), and i fell down on accident somehow,i think i tripped over my own shoe..not sure,anyhow everyone was laughing at me,except him..and i didn't think it was very funny how i hurt myself when i fell..whatever. He was the only one who even cared and was concerned about me, asked if i was ok and stuff. In a way, I actually kind of believe he is bi or gay in the way he acts, i've watch his movements a lot, since i stare at him a lot heh. I do have a concern with the time i have to see him..it's only like 2 hours out of a day, and this semester is almost halfway done, and i won't be able to see him during the summer since i go and stay down at my mom's. I'm just wondering..how i could maybe give him a hint that i'm interested in him, or test him maybe to see if he's interested in me, without making it obvious?

 

Edit : I edited it a bit, and added some stuff to it, maybe it's more clearer and easier to understand now.

[KissMe_KillMe]

slap his * * * back...

work from there.....

[EnglishSilver]

Hi to you, I would in general say to anyone that hiding your sexuality gives people more fuel to gossip, however it sounds as though you are living in a particularly gay-unfriendly situation, and you would have to weigh up the possibility of getting picked on more if you were caught flirting with this lad (cos thats what both of you have been doing !). Is there any chance you could move back with your mum? I don't mean that to sound negative, just a suggestion. From what you describe, this guy sounds as attracted to you as you are to him. If you want to take it a step further, I'd suggest getting to know him a little better as a person. Start talking to him, you could use the class you take together as a starting point to conversation, then find out if you have anything in common. If you find you share any interests, maybe you could suggest getting together out of school, then the focus would be on your activity rather than your attraction to each other - less pressure!!, and away from the prying eyes of the rest of your school. Good luck!

[Jinx]

i tried to see if his pupils were dilated, like some of you said before in how someone looks at you, and my eyes are kinda bad and i really cannot see his eyes good enough to tell

I know I've mentioned this a few times, in the research that has been conducted. I really honestly wish I remember what the name of the test was, and if I can find the source I'll get back to you on that. Anyhow, the situation went that straight men when viewing a poster of an attractive woman, their pupils dilate. When they viewed posters of men or women they deemed unattractive, they would constrict in which considered to be a sign of aggressive or disinterest. It was the same in relation to straight women whom reacted in a positive dilation manner of attraction when viewing a man they thought was attractive, and their pupils constricted when they view another woman or man they didn't like the looks of.

 

Given this general principle it presumed it could be applied to gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals in the same context. Example being a lesbian's pupils would technically dilate upon the sight of another woman which she found attractive and constrict upon a man or women who was undesireable and same for gay men, dilate on a good looking attractive man and constrict on a woman, etc...

 

As for people being abusive with items, like throwing things at you, it is unacceptable gay straight, whatever. It should be reported to the teacher, and really, the teacher should be observant enough unless this goes on strictly when the teacher is caught up with another student or outside of the class, but he or she must be made aware of this and nip it before it becomes even more aggressive, as usually happens in these cases. Everything starts small, in most cases.

 

Anyhow on the note of attraction, the pupil dilation thing isn't fool proof. It can worked but in most cases will need to be paired along with other nonverbal signals because as we know the pupils are very reactive, and technically the only way you could determine attraction strictly on a pupil basis would be nonmoving, perfect unchanging lighting environment without any other factors which would affect the pupils, even mood I believe can interfere with pupil reading.

 

[omgroman]

slap his * * * back...

work from there.....

Hehe, you have no idea how tempted i am, to touch his a**, or any part of him.

Im kind of sad in a way though, I won't be able to see him until Tuesday this week, we don't have school on Monday. I'm also kind of excited..i'm gonna attempt to start a conversation with him, i just hope when the time comes i get don't cowardly and go to my seat..and stare at him like i normally do.

[omgroman]

I just figured i'd give you all an update on the situation, if any cared. Conversation has been absolutely nothing lately. Occasional glances over at me is all i get, and that could be possibly due to me staring at him. I feel like im in love with him, and he doesn't even notice me anymore, i'm dreaming and thinking about him all the time. I've even told my best guy friend that i liked this guy, i dont even know why, i guess i had to tell someone.All three of us went to elementary school togethor, and he's still really good friends with him, but i think i can trust him.

[omgroman]

Another Update

I told him i liked him, well actually i wrote it on his binder, but he knew it was me somehow. Anway, that was on Friday. The whole weekend i was so nervous seeing him, i wasnt sure if he'd be pissed off or not even look at me anymore. My friend who i first told, told me that the guy told him i wrote it on his binder, and he said he sounded kind angry, like he was gonna hit me if i kept doing it. But today, was great. We actually held up a conversation today, and its been a really long time since we done that, and were making each other smile. I sit accross from him now, so we kept catching each others eyes. I'm so hoping we get closer soon =)

[Prufrock06]

omgroman,

 

Thanks for the update! Your post reminded me of when I came out to this one guy I had a deep crush on and I was so terrified that he would never talk to me again. We would always see each other at the gym and so after he found out I was gay (I added him as a facebook friend and my orientation is listed on there) I remember being on one of the cardio machines waiting and waiting for him to show up and worried that he would walk right past me or ignore me or whatever. But sure enough, when he arrived he came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder and we started talking and we've been good friends ever since!

 

So I'm glad to hear that you and your crush are still friends despite your worries that he would avoid you. I say the best thing to do is just keep holding conversations with him, see if you can continue to build on a friendship. He already knows that you like him, so it seems like the next move is up to him as to whether he responds in the way you're hoping he will. At the very least, it doesn't seem like he's particularly upset, seeing as how he still talks to you. Sounds like it's going well -- good luck!

[omgroman]

Thanks Pru

Today was another good day actually, we were talking a lot more to each other, and joking around a bit. I was so happy the rest of the day, and excited, knowing i would get to see him in 6th period in Gym class, but when the time came, it was so awkward. We didn't speak at all, and when it was time to leave, i was in the bathroom mirror fixing my hair, i looked up at the doorway in the mirror and i saw him like step in and see i was in there, and turn away, then come up to the mirror beside me. I had a feeling he didnt want me in there, i just wanted to tell him i wasnt gonna bite or anything, but i ended up leaving after a few seconds.

Pru, did you ever actually tell the guy that you liked him? Or, he just found out you were gay, and you eventually got over him?

[Prufrock06]

I never told the guy that I liked him -- he knows I'm gay but not that I had (and to some extent still have) a crush on him. I was never sure if this was something appropriate to bring up with him, given that he says he's straight (there's been some debate as to his sexuality among some of my friends who know him, and perhaps me as well, but I give him the benefit of the doubt). Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I told him I had a mild crush on him, but what's the point, right? But we're good friends and we do stuff all the time and I don't really get upset about my unrequited crush anymore -- though there was a time just after we'd met that it tore me apart inside that I couldn't be with him in that way. But for the most part, I'm over him in that sense. But it's not like my sexuality is off topic in our conversations -- for example, I told him over dinner about my adventures at my first gay club and he was really happy for me that I had a good time. Then again, we have other things to talk about than just my sexuality, so it's not like the friendship revolves just around my liking him versus his not liking me, if that makes sense. We're just good friends and my crush on him is something that, with practice, I've learned to put away and only take out when I'm feeling sappy and daydreamy and romantic.