Ok... so he hit me back

[seally]

Not hard but he did it and I think he thinks I deserved it. In fact I no. I however have lost respect in him. I want us to go to some form of conselling, I haven't asked him cos I'm so sure he'll say do. I don't know what else to do, we both have problems and I don't know how to get things sorted. Any ideas?

 

Please no abuse this time!! Just want advice

[becallamjr]

OK, I'm a strong believer in NOT hitting women, unless it is an extreme circumstance, for example: Life threatening. So if he hit you, then maybe it's time to move on.

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

Hi seally,

 

Why did he hit you for? He doenst have right to do that. I think the counselling is a good idea (depending on how serious you are with him) But dont forget, people dont usually change.

 

How long have you been together for? You are still young...

[avman]

Hit you back? Did you hit him in the first place? If so BOTH of you need counseling. If both of you aren't willing, it's time to separate until you can get your anger under control.

[Scout]

Seally, this is a quote from a previous thread you put up, "I keep beating my boyfriend."

 

I commend you for confronting the fact that you have a serious anger problem. Now, the next step is to do something about curbing this truly ugly behavior: go see a therapist. Whether your boyfriend goes with you or not.

 

This is a problem that you have, and thereforeeee, you must take full responsibility for it and take the necessary steps to solve it.

 

I know you don't want to continue to be like this. Or else, you never would have admitted the problem. Now go fix it. You can do it.

[seally]

He hit me back. Slapped me in fact. Said it was the only way to stop me hitting me. You see when we fight sometimes I get so depressed I throw a panic attack, I scream, cut myself, break things (its not only him who makes me like this) Except when I 'wake up' I'm sooo ashamed and as (i feel) he made me like it, I hit him, sometimes it gets really bad. I am ashamed of what I do but I'm more ashamed of the panic attacks. Hitting him gives him something else to focus on. I don't know what to do. It stopped for soo long and now it started up again. We have only been together just over a year

 

I don't know what to do I had it under control for months and them it started again. I thought it was over

[becallamjr]

Sounds like you need some counseling. I'm not so sure he needs it as it seems that you need it badly. You are abusive. I have never really wanted to hit any woman, but in the same turn, noone has really ever put there hands up on me. I don't agree with your bf's actions or reasoning, but at the same time.............yeah.

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

I agree with becallamjr, You should talk to someone, it doesnt sound like a healthy relationship, maybe you should give yourself time, maybe your not ready to be in a relationship.

[LostInMyThoughts]

It's not over and you don't have it undercontrol.

 

Like you, I have anger issues.

 

You're in a cycle. You get angry, you let it out. You feel remorse/guilt, so you supress your anger when it comes up. The anger builds up, till the point where you can't contain it anymore, and you let it out even worse. You feel even more guilty, so you contain more anger. Repeat ad infinium.

 

The control you feel you have is only superficial. With the guidance of a trained therapist, you can hopefully learn the root of your anger, and how to release your built up anger.

 

My therapist said it was like I was carrying around a huge bag of anger (from being abused as a child). It was pretty much full, so when I (justifiably) got angry about something, I would react inappropriately.

 

You really should seek out a counselor, specifically to deal with your anger.

 

If you constantly have hit your bf, and this is the first time he hit you back, I dont think he is at fault, here.

[seally]

2 times and I agree he is not but I can't help losing a little bit of love and respect. He doesn't even feel remorse

[LostInMyThoughts]

Respect is not the issue that needs to be worked out between you two.

 

The real issue that you need to work on, is your anger. You can leave this guy, but I'll bet you a new laptop that this will just repeat in your next relationship.

[Mrocza]

Perhaps you're angry because he doesn't feel any remorse, but how do you feel after you hit him all those times?

 

And all of those time he sat there and took it, thinking if you just get it out of your system you'll stop.

 

I think this is the breaking point. Ofcourse he doesn;t feel remorse. You've not shown remorse either by continuing to beat him. How do you think his respect is for you?

 

I think you should seek counselling and find an alternative outlet for your anger. It's not healthy to let it out on anyone, especially yourself. I think until you figure out how you help you, you shouldn't be with someone you abuse.

[becallamjr]

As he shouldn't have to. You said it yourself, you take out your anger on him. No matter how bad things get, you never take out your anger on a loved one. You are in the wrong, you need to seek out some help. From what you have posted, I'm really commend him for not beating the hell out of you and just leaving it at a slap. No it's not right, but at the same time it sounds like you deserved it. If you do something to someone that deserves someting, do you feel remorse? Maybe this is the wake up call you need to go get help. I know this though, if I were him I would have left you a long time ago.

[seally]

All comes down to human inistinct. He didn't leave because leaving isn't going to help the problem is it. If you truly love someone you will help them.

[avman]

2 times and I agree he is not but I can't help losing a little bit of love and respect. He doesn't even feel remorse

 

I don't think that's really fair. If you are beating on him but you want him to show remorse I think you are really expecting too much. You both have a very unhealthy relationship. Please seek out some professional help before someone REALLY gets hurt.

[Süsser Tod]

2 times and I agree he is not but I can't help losing a little bit of love and respect. He doesn't even feel remorse

 

 

I wouldnt feel any remorse either.

 

Slapped me in fact. Said it was the only way to stop me hitting

 

So you lost respect for him for standing up and defending himself??? Talk about double standards.

 

I would lose respect from anyone, man or woman, that didn't stood up for themselves. You had it coming.

 

Why dont' you get yourself a punching bag and leave the poor guy alone? The punching bag won't slap you, so you won't lose any respect for it

[becallamjr]

You can't help the ones you love unless they want to help themselves. How is he helping you? By being your punching bag? Yeah that's help for ya. The only way he is gonna be able to help you is for you to go get some help. You say you love him? Doesn't really sound like it.

[avman]

seally you didn't expect us to treat you like a victim here did you? Nothing is going to change until you take the steps to change it. And that responsibility lies with you. If you want us to help you, you have to be willing to help yourself.

 

If you want us to come down on your boyfriend well we aren't going to do that. He's the victim of domestic violence and what you are doing to him is simply not ok.

[becallamjr]

you don't need this? You have been missing the point, GO GET SOME THERAPY. Your relationship can not even begin to heal unless you get yourself some help.

[seally]

Violence - doesn't = no love

Cheating - doesn't = no love either

 

And No I didn't say I love him. But yes I do we just have a problem to solve. I was just after advice thats all. You can't really judge me on 3 posts.

 

And I said therpy that was in my first post!!!!!

And I'm not playing the victim but I don't want a load of abusive comments from complete strangers.

[Itsok]

Sorry Sealy, you are excusing your behavior, a classic abuser response.

 

There is no other alternative: you need to go to counseling. Plus, he also needs counseling when it's to the point where he hits you back. He has had enough already! Can you blame the guy?

 

You have hit him so many times, he is at his wit's end. If you want to continue this relationship, get counseling. If you don't want counseling, break it off with him before charges are laid against you.

[becallamjr]

You came here looking for advice on what you should do to help fix your situation, right? EVERYONE here agrees that some counseling would benefit you guys. Counseling for your anger and counseling for your relationship. But, first thing is first, you need to help yourself before you can help each other.

[avman]

We're all on the same page here sealy. You asked for our opinion and we're giving it to you. You may not like it, but this is our advice. We aren't judging you as a person, but we are commenting on your behavior.

[seally]

I said I would do therpy. So if we're all agree I shall. I agreed I needed it

[seally]

We're all on the same page here sealy. You asked for our opinion and we're giving it to you. You may not like it, but this is our advice. We aren't judging you as a person, but we are commenting on your behavior.

 

Thank you I know my behavior is unacceptable. I just think I'm breaking down and I needed someone to tell it to