girlfriend is a psycho

[cisco_phil]

Heylo,

 

I'm writing this on behalf of my two mates Lee and Jodie who are going out. They've been together on and off for a couple of years now and when they have it good they have it really good as in they are so perfect for each other and have such a great time. lately however things have escalated a bit far-i.e. when they have it bad they have it really bad. Jodie gets angry very very easily and this has escalated lately because lee slept with another girl while he was separated from jodie. when I mean she gets angry it is scary. some of the stuff she has done includes:

 

>smashing his car windscreen with her fist(shes got the build of a ballet dancer)

>slicing his back open with her fingernails when he turned his back on her

>smashing a wine glass and cuting his arm to ribbons with it

>punching herself and blaming it on him when other people walk in

>i think she may have broke his jaw once

 

anyway the list goes on and its shocking i know. not only does the punishment extend to lee but she insists on coming round every night giving him no time to relax if he asks her, she stops him going out, stopped him smoking, and seeing as hes my flatmate it affects me aswell(this is not my concern though i can put up with that).

 

I know you're immediate reaction would be to say she is absolutely mental and dangerous and he needs to get out of the relationship straight away(believe me i have tried to tell him this enough times) but there are a few factors stopping this:

 

>she is a sweet girl whenever she is talking to me or other people and only acts like this with lee-she has a kind of split personality

>they are both a bit insecure at the moment her expecially and they have both thought about/attempted suicide before(this is one of lees main reasons for not ditching her besides the fact that he loves her-he is unsure what she will do

 

p.s.He has tried getting her to go to anger management classes but she refuses.

 

I care alot for both these people and dont want them to do anything stupid. on the outset i would say splitting up or trying to get them to split ip would be a bad idea at the moment because i am more than sure one of them would attempt suicide. however im not a psychologist and no nothing about how to read peoples emotions.

 

I'm at my wits end at what to do and really want to try to help them get through this.

 

Any help would be greatly apreciated....

 

Phil x

[Süsser Tod]

Nothing you can do. They are a couple and a couple has to sort out their own problems.

 

You can have the most pure and true intentions to help your friend, but that won't help, only once he truly comes asking you for help, then you can help, but for the sake of the friendship, stay out of their relationship until that moment.

[RandomAdvisor]

She doesn't have a split personality. She's manipulative, controlling and abusive. Period. You're right - they should break up immediately and never see each other again. The suicide card is way over played. It is threatened often, but I have yet to hear a story of someone actually going through with it. Fearing she may kill herself if he leaves her is no reason for Lee to stay with her.

 

That being said, I have to agree with Tod. There's not much you can do. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink.

[RayKay]

I am going to agree with Susser and Some Guy, this is a horribly vicious, toxic relationship - there is no excuse for violence ever. I know many manic depressives whom are fully capable of not resorting to violence.

 

They are in a bad situation if they believe they are saving one another, because the truth is they can only save themselves....apparently she is unwilling to see treatment, and I really advise your friend get himself into counselling and get out of that situation.

 

If someone is staying with someone as they fear them killing themself if they don't, it's a sure sign it's a terrible & unhealthy situation.

 

Who cares if she has a split personality and can be sweet sometimes...it does not make up for how horrible she is treating Lee, and he is going to hurt himself by staying with her.

 

She may threaten suicide, but often it is manipulative, and if she really is serious, that is where her parents need to be notified and step in....his role is not to save her, he is not responsible for her, and should not be subjecting himself to this violence and possessiveness.

[keenan]

Mmmm. Not anger management--perhaps therapy. It's a hugely controversial and stigmatized diagnosis (and I am NOT making it, nor am I remotely qualified to begin to do so), but the behaviors you describe seem to be fairly consistent with the behaviors associated with Borderline Personality Disorder. link removed

[Relationship Coach]

Keenan, I am someone who is qualified to make that judgement and you are on the right track.

 

I'm hearing a little hint of bi-polar as well and manic. This is a very volatile situation and she certainly has displayed a propensity for violence to others as well as herself. Sometimes there are relationships that just bring out the worst in people, this one is a classic case. These two have no more right to be with each other than a grizzly bear and a duck in a small cage. Her past actions have been criminal and I would hope her BF pressed charges or at least had a report filed.

 

Suicide? She is certainly unstable but I think the threat of suicide is nothing more than emotional blackmail and manipulation. You are in a tough spot but if you really are their friend, get him away from her and tell her family that she needs help.

 

RC

[Süsser Tod]

Mmmm. Not anger management--perhaps therapy. It's a hugely controversial and stigmatized diagnosis (and I am NOT making it, nor am I remotely qualified to begin to do so), but the behaviors you describe seem to be fairly consistent with the behaviors associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

And when you thought being Maniac Depressive (Bipolar) someone with BPD comes and amazes you.

 

Yes, she sounds a little bit like borderline, but, also there is a thin line between a bipolar and borderline personality disorder, they share many things, and are quite a bit different on others.

 

However, diagnosing the girl, or the codependant boyfriend (codependants are easy victims for manipulative people) is out of the scope of this thread.

 

I don't mean to be rude, but we have here a guy that wants to help a friend, and may lose the friendship trying to help his friend, that won't be a good position to be in if he ever has a real chance to help his friend.

[keenan]

And when you thought being Maniac Depressive (Bipolar) someone with BPD comes and amazes you.

 

Yes, she sounds a little bit like borderline, but, also there is a thin line between a bipolar and borderline personality disorder, they share many things, and are quite a bit different on others.

 

However, diagnosing the girl, or the codependant boyfriend (codependants are easy victims for manipulative people) is out of the scope of this thread.

 

I don't mean to be rude, but we have here a guy that wants to help a friend, and may lose the friendship trying to help his friend, that won't be a good position to be in if he ever has a real chance to help his friend.

 

Hey, I wasn't trying to make a diagnosis at all, and was really trying to emphasize that I wasn't qualified to do so. I was glad RC posted and saved my butt a little. I just think that bandying about names like ' psycho' and such is really scary, because this girl could have real problems. My primary concern was her safety, not the friendship. I completely agree that to make anything resembling a diagnosis is dangerous and probably irresponsible, and I'm truly sorry If I offended anyone. I agree that somebody's chances of seeking real help because 'a friend of a friend read on a newsgroup that you may have this really scary mental illness' are very, very slim. But what if she hurts him or herself?

[cisco_phil]

thanks for all the replies i wasn't expecting this amount of information. I will check out the biopolar thing and BPD and talk to lee again. I dont think my friendship is on the line because he just wants out basically and is worried about the suicide thing. I wont force them to do anything obviously but i will run therapy by him see what he/they think. and btw alot of people have said the suicide thing was a game, it's not because she has done it before(she rinsed a bottle of vodka and a * * * *load of pills-but i dont think she was hospitalised or nothing). anyway cheers

 

phil x

[Süsser Tod]

Don't worry the least bit about suicide, she ain't doing it. If she were to do it, she would have done it a long time ago and wouldn't be telling everybody before doing it.

 

She is just using it to manipulate your friend.

 

Sounds more like BPD than Bipolar to me, but, anyway, it is not your problem, at least, not yet.