I can't take this anymore

[Karibo]

Hi. This is a complicated situation. Please don't judge me. I am writing this here because I need genuine advice and not judgement.

 

A couple of years ago I was with a guy called Mark for about six months where basically we shared a HUGE amount of attraction for each other and I think we were both so infatuated that we thought we were in love, but he couldn't handle the thought of commitment because we are "too young to settle down". (We were only 20 then.) He seemed to think i was after marriage or something, but I just wanted to be with him. Well, the attraction grew more and more between us, which meant he got more and more scared of getting close to me because he has had a bad childhood and can't allow himself to get close to anyone. He was too scared of getting attatced them abandoned by me. Well, we were still seeing each other and I was confused because he was saying one thing and doing the opposite so I thought he was changing his mind. anyway, one night we had a huge row and he threatened me physically because he couldn't handle me badgering him to reassure me that he meant it when he had told me he wanted to be with me too in a relationship.

 

Well, I was totally shocked and hurt by this bullying attitude so tried my hardest to forget all about him as he went away for months the next day with work.

 

Well, the second his brother John found out that we had broken up, he started to become very interested in me, flirting and saying he wanted to be with me etc. Well, to be honest I liked the attention from him and we too shared the exact same VERY STRONG attraction for each other. Basically we started seeing each other and he turned out to be just as insecure and cruel because of the bad childhood thing.

 

Well I kept seeing him every time i went out and he'd always come up and try it on with me and I found it soooo hard to keep saying no because I wanted him too. Just before Christmas I caved in to my desires and we ended up sleeping together again and he told me he was "falling for me", but i thought it was just sex so avoided him ever since, because he is a ladies man.

 

I've been going to a different club with the specific reason to avoid them both because they constantly come up and want me, stare at me, try to get my attention.

 

Well I have been happy for the past month because I haven't seen them at all, until, oh my God! last Fri they both turned up at this new place ive been going to avoid them.

 

Well John saw me and looked very unhappy as if he was jealous because he knows I have stronger feelings for Mark. Mark, however looked so excited because it was the first time we have seen each other in months! My heart was racing too and throughout the whole evening we stared at each other, smiled at each other, but when his friend tried to tell me to talk to him i refused. I couldn't! I still am so attatched to him and I know it has to STOP! I am really surprised that he even wants to talk to me because he knows about me and his bro. I feel like im in the middle of a tug of war. On one side there's Mark who is trying to desperately get my attention and at one point literally bumped into me so i would notice him, on the other side there's John who is getting angry and jealous and is trying to impress me by starting a fight with some guy right next to me.

 

This is all so childish. I am trying desperately to get them out from under my skin!

 

I know I do not even think these are nice guys, but nonetheless I keep fantasising about them, dreaming about seeing them again as we seem to be EXTREMELY attracted to each other.

 

My mind knows for sure that they are definetly not suitable for me, but my heart daydreams and fantasises about them, especially Mark and my body wants him. It's extremely frustrating and sometimes very upsetting because I just wanna forget about both of them, but whenever I see them the attraction is still extremely strong from both sides and I can feel the sparks from the other side of the room!

 

Why do I still feel infatuated by them, even though i know they are not right for me at all?

 

It feels as if I cannot escape them because they keep cropping up wherever I go and they NEVER stop flirting, begging me to be with them, and I am only human and I find it so hard to say no when I am soo attracted.

 

I do not want to hurt them or them me anymore. I know I have to be strong, but I cannot cope with keep bumping into them and then them dragging it on and on and on. I am trying to stop this but they are clearly trying to carry it on, and it is preventing me from moving on.

 

I do see that i have contributed to this, but i desperately do want it to stop.

 

What should I do????

[Itsok]

Do complete and utter no contact with these guys. Both of them are no good for you, and are just out to get whatever they can from you.

 

Whenever you see them somewhere, blow them off or leave immediately. You know in your heart that's the right thing to do, so stick to your convictions and do it. You can do it if you want to!

[ratherbesailing]

You've got to tell them both that you will never ever get together with either of them and then completely ignore them. If they think they've got a chance they will keep on trying. If you see them somewhere leave.

[Bethany]

Get yourself a new bloke. You will either turn one brother against the other and break up their family or they will BOTH turn against YOU. As far as I can see, that is the only two ways it can go. Either way, it's not a good ending. Leave them alone.

[RandomAdvisor]

Whenever you see them somewhere, blow them off or leave immediately.

 

Exactly. When you smile and stare at either of them, you're only encouraging them even if you do refuse to actually speak to them. No smiling, no staring, no eye contact. The only looks you should give them are dirty ones, and even those should be quick. Better yet, just leave the club when they come in....