about to end all the nonsense

[Big Jim]

I feel so used it hurts. For the last 5 months all i heard from her was i love you , need you, dont want to lose you etc. She was always the one pushing for contact, and was having so many problems in her life, i thought i was legitimately helping her. Just two weeks ago she was crying to me in the car about how she doesnt want to lose me over the summer etc. This girl is very messed up mentally right now, and i know i should have cut her off months ago, but i never could because i thought i was helping her sort stuff out. But it seems like now that summer has come, it is outta sight outta mind for her. I dont understand this. How she could have bulll#@%ed me so long. I know its better we dont talk , this i know. But how she could string me along, when all i was trying to do was help her, is beyond me. what a bi@#h

[forallseasons]

I read your whole post, and if you would read what she did as an outsider, I think you would see why you don't need her in your life.

The most obvious glaring thing I saw was that she was blaming you for her misfortunes, and that part about her saying you were a saint, throwing what you did for her in your face. Now, really, is that the kind of girl you want as your girlfriend or even a friend? You should be very happy to get this girl out of your life. She will only string you along more and more, and whenever she gets down, you are going to be her punching bag.

Now to answer why she kept stringing you along?

I think she just needed the emotional comfort of familiarity and support. The tampon thing. I found it rather evil that everytime you tried to get away, she did the whole crying thing...which is hard as hell to resist. But you've made the right move. Good luck Jim.

[Big Jim]

Thank you for actually taking the time to read it all. I really appreicate it. Yeah i do know i am better off without her in my life, i really do. The thing that just tears me up inside is how someone i have known so long and cared so much about, could treat me like this. Im not saying she couldnt have dumped me, things change. But for 5 months i was trying to be "there"since i was constantly told i helped. I was fed all of these lies about how much i help and if you could only read some of the things she wrote me everything i tried to cut it off, it was like i was teh only thing holding her together. I just wish she had been straight forward from the beginning and told me how she was really feeling. Would have saved me a lot of hurt.

[forallseasons]

If she told you the truth, you would have headed for the hills. I've been through those kinds of things before, I was in a failing relationship, and we decided to break it off. She asked me to stay her friend, and I refused. She said how her friends were all leaving, and she needed me, that I couldn't go. Now, of course it broke my heart, but you have to realize this:

The girl needs emotional support, and you've been close, so of course she would rather keep you. During a relationship, girls usually lose the super close touch they keep with other friends, thus leading to you being the closest person they have. So they really don't want you to go, but at the same time, they already somewhere closed the door on your relationship. In my case, during the next week, this girl called and told me that she * * * *ed up and she wants us to be together and she knows its going to be different because shes going to try. The relationship actually became better, and was pretty good for another year and a half before it ended. If she doesn't give you a clear "Yes Im going to put effort because i want us to be together", then you need to get the hell out, because shes willing to manipulate you to keep her own sanity. Yes, selfish, but its something shes willing to do to keep someone there. If you stayed this way, she would have dropped you if she found someone else. You may be what is holding her, but she wont be holding you when you are hurting seeing her with someone else. You gotta see yourself as a prize. If the woman loves you, then shes willing to put it down for you. Shes willing to stop bullsh!@## and will do whatever it takes to foster a relationship. And if she doesnt, then she isnt worth you and your time.

[Big Jim]

I thought id post this to wrap up my story, and hopefully it will shake someone up who is in a situation similar to the one i was in. It is a warning about how you think you know someone, but what the truth can be, and to trust your gut.

I thought this girl was it, we were great together, super close, she helped me with a parents death and was always there. We were eachothers rock and lives for the last 2.5, we've known eachother for 4. She was always a sweetheart, an angel. We went on trips, studied together, were as close as we could have been. Countless nights of us just saying up till dawn talking about our hopes and dreams etc. I knew her better then anyone ever has, and her likewise. I thought she was my "soulmate", haha now i laugh at that term. We had the same interests, goals, values, everything. Everyone of our friends said we are the same person just opposite sex. But no, we are not the same, because i have a fu$#ing heart.

Im not going to rehash my whole story, its way to long, but quite simply, she broke up with me 5 and a half months ago, she had been depressed for a while and hated everything in her life. This much was legitimate, and i am not at all mad that she dumped me, that does not make her a bad person. I went NC, but she started to call a week later, she needed me, she was really messed up. I would have said no, but she has some serious * * * * going on and i felt i owed it to her to be there. It only made sense to, also we shared many classes.

Well things were just like before we broke up, good times together, everything, just no sex. She told me she wanted me back, just needed space and time to stand on her own, figure her life out, breathe a little, find herself again. She insisted we are not just friends, told me she loved me all the time, we did everything together still. All i heard was "once we are through this rough patch, we'll do this", or "i cant wait for that with you etc", "your the one for me, soulmates etc". Now about 2 months into this, i found this site. Many people suggested she was just stringing me along, go NC etc. I obvisously respected their advice, but felt they dont know her like i do, shes not capable of this. She is just really messed and needs some time, we have something together etc. I dont mean to praise myself, but i was very patient and understanding with her, more then i thought i could ever be.

The one thing that gave me pause was she was hanging out with a family friend guy (she always had), but i knew he liked her. It bothered me, i brought it up, but she insisted it was nothing and truth be told never blew me off to hang out with him, i was always her first choice. Well, it still didnt sit right, and we got into fights about it. She lied to me a couple of times, which only made it worse. However, she always insisted nothing was going on, and i loved her and she me, and i trusted her with my heart. I mean after everything we have been through i knew she would not hurt me like that.

As recent as 2 weeks ago, after a fight and not talking for about 8 days, we met up at school and spent the day. All i heard was i love you, miss you so much, i want it how it was, lets do this etc. A full day of her crying, and kissing me, and making plans to get back together etc. I was on cloud nine, things were finally getting back on track, i brought up that guy and she said the whole thing is retarded and wished it would end already (close family friend, she couldnt just be a b#%Rh). Things kinda stalled with exams, but not a big deal, she and i both needed to do well and i know how stressed she gets.

Yesterday, she was having a bad day, called me first thing in the morning freaking out about an exam. I was there for her, we hung out, she told me how miserable and unhappy she is. I held her while she cried about everything and cheered her up, we studied together. i borrowed her phone without telling her, she was away and i took it out of her bag. No big deal. She always says we have no secerts etc. There was a text from the guy whcih bothered me, but i decided not to read it. However i got curious and read her texts (outbound). There were so many to him, saying i miss you, calling him sweetie and pet names, apoligizing for something (in hindsight was probably him running into me and her at school and her being cold to him), saying i cant wait for summer with you all this behind us, also one saying im so sorry i wrote you an email explaining all of this (she is talking about me and her, and probably how i just cant let go, or some bull$!$$). I have never been so hurt in my life. I cant even describe it. I threw up.

i confronted her and she had the nerve to get mad at me for snooping. I tore into her like i never have, told her she is absolutely heartless, and just horrible. She cried, tired to explain, said you of all people know how depressed i am, and how she was caught in the two situations (me and him), she loves me but he likes her so much and has known the family so long she cant be mean to him. I yelled, "your wrong, you only have one f@$@ing situation and i f#$%ing hope you are happy with that cause you and me are through for good, leave me the f$@k alone, never talk to me again". I mean everyword of that. I threw out all her pictures and everything. The last 2.5 yrs mean nothing to me now, if you can play someone you know cares about you so much and is trying to help (taking her to dr, talking on the phone at 3 am about what is bothering her etc), then i regret ever meeting her. No one has ever put me through so much hell, and never will again. This girl was kissing me two weeks ago, telling me im her soulmate. Fu#k her. You never know what someone is capable of, so if you have been dumped, please, take care of yourself. Your ex is selfish, you can be too, go NC no matter what. Above all, trust your gut. Hope this spares someone else all this pain. I am torn to shreads. i thank everyone for all their advice over the months.

[NubianLove]

Sorry to hear about that Jim. While it wasnt right for u to read her texts, it wasnt right for her to not be completely honest with u. I know your pain, been in your exact shoes (not being completely honest,telling me 1 thing, telling other person another). You are feeling a lot of anger right now, understandably so, I hope u can find time to find healing for yourself, and get to a point where you can look at the 2.5yrs as another part of your life. Goodluck.

[kadvati79]

I really wanna say this.

 

She is a f**king B*t*h man. What a f**king B*t*h.

 

Look I am sorry for the swearing, if it upsets someone mod's please feel free to remove it but its the only way I can describe how I feel after reading that. What an absolutely heartless thing for her to do.

 

Well its rock bottom dude. I think the reason she is so stressed and messed up is because deep down she knows she is being a heartless b*t*h.

 

I dont really know what else to say man.

[Big Jim]

man

that is exactly what i told her, "you want to know why your so depressed and miserable? because anyone with a conscience would be if they were doing what you are doing!"

Also, i actually dont feel bad about reading her texts at all. She checks my email all the time, still did until yesterday, its the kinda relationship we had. No secerts, very open. Also if it took me snooping to find this out, i am totally for snooping, cause i have had 5.5 months of asking her and all i got was lies. I am happy i snooped, wish i had sooner. haha would you believe this same girl deleted a girl off my msn not three weeks ago, cause this other girl has a thing for me? this is too much for me

[majord23]

Hey Jim,

I am so sorry to hear about this mate and I, like icemoto, was fuming when I read your post.

She is weak bro. She didn't have the guts to cut you free and didn't respect you enough to be honest with you. Even if she didn't want to hurt you, she could at least have at been 'less than honest' and left you the f*ck alone.

But she strung you along, took all the support you gave to her and satisfied her own needs with no regard for yours.

 

I don't agree with snooping, but in this case I think the ends justified the means mate - don't let her make you feel guilty for it, because at the end of the day: When would this have ended if you *didn't* go through her phone?

 

You have handled yourself brilliantly in horrible circumstances Jim. Don't lose sight of that. You stood by a girl that you loved and believed in, you treated her well even when she was treating you anything but.

 

You can now walk away knowing that it is HER that has lost something special here mate NOT you.....and she will come to realise that.

 

Keep your chin up Jim.