Asian American Men....short end of the stick

[CluelessGuy321]

I feel like **** right now. A girl I like was just telling me different reasons why Asian men are unattractive. And it's all stereotypical stuff.

 

I've been reading lots of articles, and I'm starting to see a general pattern. Caucasian men date Asian Women on a much higher ratio than Asian men date Caucasian women. Asian women are seen as sexy yet subservient, while Asian men are seen as geeky, nerdy, efemmine, small d**k, and all this other crap I keep seeing in the American media.

 

I feel like I'm "less". It makes me frustrated and angry at society. I feel like I have been fooled. I grew up in the US, I speak and write perfect English, and I feel like an American. But I think everyone else just sees me as a foreigner. I don't like how the media portays Asian men at all. This wouldn't be a problem if I were completely Asian.....but as an Asian-American it tears me apart. I feel angry and I want to hit someone/something.

 

Where the hell does everyone get off making me feel this way? Where can I ever find a place that feels like 'home'?

[brando]

clueless,

 

the question to you is , do you believe all of those stereotypes are true???

If not, then dont wory about this ignorant girls opinion.

 

If so, then you have some soul searching to do on why her opinion is so impotant to you.

 

 

be well,

brando

[Spawn]

hey there are many girls out there who really like you and care for you the way you are.....none of those stupid thinkings and reasonings.

 

Good luck.

[Relationship Coach]

Don't let shallow people define who you are. Not one race is superior to another, sorry I don't subscribe to the whole Arian concept. There are many attractive Asian men out there who are actors, singers and models. In everyday life I have seen many Asian men with beautiful women attached to their arms. Stop listening and start looking.

 

RC

[fishrrshortae]

Hello

I just wanted to say that I am Indian but was born here, have lived here my whole life, and still have to deal with stupid crap like that. I'm as American as anyone else, but I'm brown so that brings out the stereotypes.

 

I feel sorry for you that you like an idiot. I hope that her words just revealed enough about her to make you realize she's not worth it.

[TheWriter1]

to be honest...don't most asian women prefer asian men? i wouldn't complain if i were you man...asian women are beautiful

[wlfpack81]

Welcome to being a minority in America. Not going to turn this into a political/race flame war but usually most minorites (especially certain minorities) get portrayed more harshly than others. Sucks but nothing's going to change (at least not in 100yrs or so). Just try to surround yourself w/those who don't stereotype while never forgetting there's always going to be stupid people in this country and the world.

[mystik]

hey clueless guy, I'm sorry you feel this way. I live in Vancouver (Canada) and we are known as having one of the highest percentage of interracial couples anywhere...as well as mixed-ethnicity children. However, even up here, these stereotypes exist. I am full asian (Chinese) and so is my brother (duh ) but I have no trouble dating outside of my race. In fact, I have dated more 'white' guys than I have Asian. My brother however, finds it much more difficult to do so. Even with the high numbers of interracial couples here, I would have to say that 85% of the time, it is an asian female/white male and rarely asian male/white female. Someone posted saying that most asian females like asian men....which is true to some extent. But with second generation asians growing up here, people are starting to look outside of ethnicity. Unfortunately for the asian males, asian females are finding it much easier to do so. My friends and I have all noticed this trend...my asian guy friends are always saying "only asian girls want us, and now more and more of them want white guys, it sucks!!" I wish there was something that could be done to change these stereotypes of asian males, it really is unfair.

[LIFE]

^^The question is what are you going to do about it??

 

 

See, first of all, it's not just you. Every single Asian-American male thinks about this...a lot. Every single one of them. It's like Black people always having to deal with racism at all levels. We have to deal with it. I'm also an Asian-American, and I have dated outside of my race. I was seeing this caucasian girl for a couple of months actually. And all of a sudden one day I got an E-mail from her saying that she doesn't wanna see me anymore. To this day, I still don't know why. It doesn't bother me as much, but it's always in the back of my mind, I always wonder if it is because of my race. But now recently I have been hanging out with others Asians...and I found out that it's MUCH more comfortable around them. They actually understand what's going on and what you're going through.

 

 

I'm telling you though, don't think about this too much. DON'T...it will make you more and more angry. Until you're so confused you won't know what to do. Just ignore all the nonsense about the media and be PROUD of your own race. You don't need acceptance from White people or whoever. You should cherish the fact that you're an Asian, a minority having to deal with challenges and ridiculous nonsense and still doing the best you can.

 

 

As for the girl, don't talk to her ever again. Unless she apologizes to you.

[renaissancewoman101]

CluelessGuy321, where do you live? I think a lot of how people perceive you depends on where you live and what people are like in that area in regards to other cultures/races. I am full Chinese and I spent the first 18 years of my life living in LA where it is a "melting pot" of all cultures. I went to school with people from all races, hung out with friends who were white, Asian, Latino, etc. Mixed race dating is very much accepted out here and I had friends who dated whites, Latinos, etc. Then I moved out to Milwaukee, WI. That was a culture shock to me. Imagine moving from a city that was very multicultural to a city that was conservative and mostly white, and the people there very much believed in the racial stereotypes of like Asians owning laundromats. One Easter weekend I went home with a friend of mines from college (she was white). She lived in a very small farming town (as in one main street) and the people there were mesmerized to see me, an Asian woman. There were a few people there who naturally assumed my dad owned a laundromat.

 

As for myself, I usually date out of my race. The two long term relationships I had, both the guys were white. I have dated one Asian guy in my life (but then I dont date a lot). Most of the time, I find that white guys can be attracted to me, and also, I spent 15 years of my life in Wisconsin and the Midwest has a high population of whites. I find that most Asian guys are not that open about things and dont like to discuss their feelings, etc. They tend to be more closed about things. Now that I move back to CA and to San Diego, I am not sure what I want to do in terms of dating. I havent really gone out looking yet.

 

My brother, on the other hand, is like most Asian guys, he is quiet but he likes trendy things and he is not nerdy. He loves sports and all that and he makes decent money as a computer engineer. He dates mostly Asian women.

[mystik]

renaissancewoman101, I completely agree with you. As my previous post stated, I'm from Vancouver...very multicultural. However, I went to a small town in Quebec for five weeks once and I literally had children stop and point at me. The guys there however, were very keen on talking to me. I'm sure it was because I was obviously "different" and "exotic" as I was with a whole bunch of white girlfriends who are much prettier and outgoing than I was. I also hate to add to the asian guy stereotype but maybe it is because I am still in university...but most of the asian guys I know are concerned with getting into med school or a certain engineering degree whereas it SEEMS like the white ones are going to the beer gardens, snowboarding, partying. I've dated mostly white guys and some of my asian friends question that and I hate it. I love going out to the campus bar, dancing, etc and honestly, there are minimal asian guys I see at these places so why should I have to feel bad about who I meet and who I date?

[renaissancewoman101]

Mystik, you are right. When I was at university, I had Asian friends along with white friends, but most of the Asian guys that were there (there werent many) were all either in Engineering or the sciences, and all they cared about was studying, getting the MA or PHd degree. They werent into dating or anything like that.

[wlfpack81]

Ah the joys of living in a non-multicultural area. I know that feeling as going from the east coast to here in OK was (and still is) very rough. Wish I could get out to LA or something.

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks for digging up that site, it is really funny and a lot of it is kinda true, and this is coming from an Asian girl. Most Asian guy are kinda of shy and dont know how to portray an air of confidence. Most girls are attracted to guys who show confidence.

 

Otherwise, the videos on there were funny.

[LIFE]

I don't like to complain much but yeah....culturally it's just different...if you're introverted and shy it's more of a cultural thing....you can't really change who you are.

[Msnak]

That video link made me crack up. Wow. There's some truth in it.

[Jonesy]

I think if you are the second generation in North America, you still keep our Asian values that they don't generally accept. The Asian girls trend to go out with other ethnic groups because they want to escape from our traditions. If you observe, you'll understand. And one more thing that no one mentioned is about sex. You know Asian people are more conservative. We don't talk about that much, but if you analysis it you would understand. When people want to break up a relationship they can think up a lot of excuses. Just move on and good luck.

[Confessoress]

Bah! Don't listen to crap like that.

 

I'm Caucasian and my EX was Filipino. My current BF is Brit Indian. I don't actively go out seeking Asian men it's just happened that way. But my current BF is anything but geeky, he's a hunk! And he certainly doesn't have a small *ahem*.

 

But my BF has to felt the same way you do. He was born and breed in the UK and still gets racist nonesense from people. He told me about he was walking down the street once and there was this Mom and a her little boy. The little boy said "Paki!" and the Mother just laughed. There is no limit to some people's ignorance.

 

I was walked my dog with my boyfriend and we passed these couple of guys setting up fishing gear and they looked up and saw us watching by and they started to sing "I see colours, oh beautiful colours..." I got so made I turned around and told them to F off. Needless to say it upset my BF.

 

At the other end of the scale I lived in the Philippines for 3 years and I too was subject to stereotyping and racism, because "I" was now the minority.

 

Truth is all races have the potential for being racist, especially if you're in the minority. But what you must not do is think because some people are like that, that all are.

 

You know you're better than them. You know it's rubbish. So just let them get on with their small mindedness.

[Confessoress]

I think if you are the second generation in North America, you still keep our Asian values that they don't generally accept. The Asian girls trend to go out with other ethnic groups because they want to escape from our traditions. If you observe, you'll understand. And one more thing that no one mentioned is about sex. You know Asian people are more conservative. We don't talk about that much, but if you analysis it you would understand. When people want to break up a relationship they can think up a lot of excuses. Just move on and good luck.

 

That doesn't mean all are. Regardless of colour we are all individals. So I think it's best you don't pre-judge anyone on colour alone. Get to know them first.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think you should be proud of who you are! If this girl is worthy of you then she has to get over her ignorance, otherwise you should find someone who is a better person. My grandmother is very racist, but I refused to allow her views to influence my choice in men. I'm white, but the first guy I was ever intimate with was Indian/Malay, does it really matter? NO! The only thing small minded people get from there ideals is a smaller dating pool.

[Seko]

I know this probably won't help you at all, as I'm only one person, but I am a white girl and a lot of people think I'm pretty, yet believe it or not, I have the opposite problem you have. I really like asian guys, but I feel like they all want to stay in their culture, and only date other people from their country. Maybe they think I won't like them even if they try, but I am just wayy too shy to go up to a bunch of Asian guys and start up a conversation. I would feel wayy too out of place. And this is coming from a girl who has lived in only two places - NYC and Vancouver, both of which are densely populated with asians. The problem is, a lot of asian people tend to stick together in their own cliques, even in these areas, which make it harder for white girls to casually interact with them. Also, I've had Korean girl-friends who told me that a lot of other Koreans look down upon Koreans who socialize with and date white people. Maybe that's just Koreans though. Also, these are mostly school settings, so maybe things will change when I get older. Who knows.

 

Anyways, all I'm saying is some of us do like Asian guys. Don't give up on all of us because of a few stupid people! I'm not the only one of my (white) girlfriends that are attracted to at least some Asian guys.