will she change her mind?

[boplait]

hi, help please!

 

me (25) and my girlfriend(24) were going out for 3 and a half years and living together for 3 years, it was the most rewarding, fulfilling, loving, comforting time of my life she is my first REAL love and soulmate i believe. and she really and truly was besotted with me! we had a real deep down connection.

 

she is from another country and was living in my country the whole time we went out except for 4 months when she went home to study. she told me 4 months ago that she saw me more as a friend. i was devestated!! we had a little space for a couple of days, and i suggested we go away on holidays for 2 months as i believed it was our surroundings and work (we worked together for 2 years in the same bar) that were getting us down. so we went away to asia and had the most AMAZING time!! i totally fell deeper for her during this time. we spent 24 hours a day 7 days a week together for the 2 months. and got on great. didn't fight once..

 

3 weeks ago she started college in her country and it was decided that i would move over there. she told me crying a couple of days before she left that i should come straight away! or she didn't know if she could handle it. i said i'd save for a couple of months get my * * * * together and come over.we texted and talked all the time, she said she loved me so much it hurt, missed me, and that she had photos of me in her new room over her bed. she later told me she did this out of habit..

 

 

1 and a half weeks ago she broke up with me. she said she loved me but wasn't in love with me.she had been thinking about it for a while and fighting it. and that it's not right to be in a relationship if its not what she wants. basically she said she says she needs to be on her own. i found out she had kissed someone a couple of days after we broke up, and i just felt totally heartbroken!! how could she do this so soon? after 3 and a half years this is what its worth? i'm not mad at all im just sad! if she rang me now to say she wanted me to move to her i would go in a heartbeat! i love her so much. i havn't eaten or slept the whole time and i feel i can never get over this. I WANT HER BACK! DOES ANYONE THINK SHE WILL REALISE SHE HAS MADE A MISTAKE?

 

what i think really happened is that she was lonley and knew no one, so she partied kissed a guy and realised that she could be happy on her own?? i dunno? denial?

[Relationship Coach]

bop,

Welcome to ENA and I'm sorry to hear what has happened. I know how you are feeling and the pain that is beyond words. Something has happened to her feelings for you and as to what triggered it, we may never know.

 

When she told you that she saw you more as a friend, that was after being away from you correct? Then this last time she has broken it off, she was also away from you, right? Maybe she feels that because she has been in a relationship with you for the past 3 1/2 years, she has missed out on many experiences in life, now she is exploring her options. The fact that she kissed another guy may seen like the end of the world right now but there is nothing you can do about it right now. You cannot force her to be with you, the trip you took that seemed to make everything better, well that was like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound, very temporary. This was bound to happen and now you can only sit back and heal. She has to come to terms as to what she wants or who she wants. If she discovers that she has made a mistake and wants you back, how can you trust her again?

 

You need to move forward and accept that she is gone from your life, waiting is nothing more than putting your life on hold for someone who right now does not want a relationship with you. It sounds harsh and mean but that is the reality of the situation.

 

RC

[whatif]

obviously she is not your soul mate. Try to see the situation through her eyes. No matter what you do now, her feelings are not going to change at this point. Don't do anything stupid. Save your dignity and act like a man. If she is meant for you, she will come back to you soon. If not, she was never yours as I read somewhere in this site. I know it's tough as hell. You are wondering after 3 and half years this is what it's worth? She must be wondering after 3 and half years this is what I am feeling toward this guy? It's not the fault of either one of you. If she doesn't feel it anymore, you can't 'MAKE' her feel it. It's better to let her go and explore the freedom. Like all the genious folks here say, give her ALL the space. Good luck my friend.

[Setter5]

bop, I agree with coach here...she is changing her mind with patterns, and it's like clockwork.

 

What bothers me is that she was able to disconnect from you, but still call you crying, begging, and saying she could take it without you. I don't know either one of you, but in my opinion, it appears that she wants bop and bop's attention only when she's got nothing else going on.

 

That's what it looks like for one of us reading the post.

 

No Contact could be a good start. It sounds as if you two have never done NC. You might be surpised what it does to her, and more importantly, what it does for you.

 

In the meantime, you gotta eat. Force it...I know, I've been there but you need your health.

 

Keep posting.

 

Good Luck

[AwdreeHpburn]

Bop I feel so badly for you. I'm sorry for what you're going through. So many, myself included, have been where you are. There are a lot of people here who will help you through this.

 

I have been where she is as well.

 

My feeling is that she does care about you and really dreaded telling you because she didn't want to hurt you. She said she had been fighting breaking off with you and that she just wanted to be friends. Sounds like that is indeed what is going on.

 

Will she ever realise she's made a mistake only time will tell. I strongly suggest you give her the space she needs and keep posting.

 

Tomorrow, post again. The day after that, post again. If you feel like texting her, post here instead. If she calls you but hasn't changed her mind, post. We're here.

[merickso]

Bop,

 

I am quite new to this site and am in the middle of a terrible heartbreak myself. I suggest the following which has helped me more than I can explain over the last two weeks:

 

Use this forum and the advice that it offers. Read the many pages of heartbreaks, and you will see so many things that you can do to make yourself feel better and come to terms with your new life.

 

Have you been in contact with her? For example, did you explain all of your feelings for her once when the break up was happening? Have you been IMing/Emailing/Calling her since the break up?