dont know what to do

[fd4life]

greetings everybody,

 

i am new to this site and this is my first post. i have a big dillema, i have been "dating" so to speak this girl for about a year and a half and dont know what to do anymore. i could prolly get advice on this from my friends but wanted to do it anonimously in fear of their reactions to how my relationship is going. ok a lil background on my relationship... i met this girl in an online chat room almost 2 years ago to the day. we actually first spoke on valentines day 2 years ago. at first we only spoke over an instant messenger and emails but after about 2 months of talking like this she gave me her phone number. at this point i would race home from work just to see if she was online so i could talk to her. once i got her phone number i started calling her and to my surprise we got along great. made eachother laugh and anytime i would talk to her all i could do was smile. after talking to her for 4 months i started to fall in love with her. i didnt know what to do, whether i should tell hern or not. so one night we were talking and she was quiet. i was saying to myself this isnt like her. so when i asked her what was wrong she said she wanted to tell me something but she was affraid i would think she was psycho. i told her i would think no such thing so this is when she told me that she was falling in love with me. i told her that i too was feeling the same way. we didnt make anything of it though cuz after all she was living in virginia and i am in nj. but after another couple of weeks during which i was contemplating asking her to be my gf, i finally asked her. she said yes. and after another couple of months she decided to move to philly pa for school. i figured great now i will get to see her. cuz to this point we hadnt met. i know some here are going to think i am crazy for that. then another couple of months later she decided to move again this time for work. so now she moved into nj and is only 15 minutes from my house. great for me, right? this is when it started to get difficult for me. after she was all moved in she decided that she wanted to come and see me. so i gave her directions to my house but she never made it over. and this has happened at least once a week, sometimes twice a week since. i mean sometimes things happen where she gets called to work or other emergencies come up, which i can understand. but this has been going on for almost 6 months. i have gotten to the point which i dont know what to do. i dont know whether to stay with her or if i should leave her. i mean i have gotten to know this girl so well over the past 2 years and i love her with all my heart. i know some are going to say im crazy but i dont care. im not seeking advice on if i should love her or not. because i do love her but it just seems like there is something wrong with me at this point. i mean if this happened only once or maybe twice i could understand. but this is a regualr occurrence. if this were just some girl i wouldnt think twice about dumping her a@#. but i have looked for my entire life and have found nothing that even comes close to this girl. that is why i am so riluctant to do something foolish. i just dont know what to do anymore and i am completely frustrated. any advice would be greatly appreciated. sorry for such a long post but thanx for reading it.

[friscodj]

Well, I read your post a couple times. There sounds to definitely be something wrong. I think you guys should talk, have a serious heart-to-heart and you should find out what is really going on. Ask all the hard questions, another guy, not interested anymore, is she afraid, what? For some reason though I can't avoid the feeling that you're being used, as sort of the "mystery guy", which may be exciting for her, and that she is just not interested for whatever reason. I mean, if she was interested, what do you think she would do????? Exactly...

 

So what should you do now? Start preparing yourself to hear what you don't want to hear, but hope for the best. Have the talk, and then go from there...

[Itsok]

I completely agree with friscodj. It seems she isn't interested. She should be jumping out of her skin to see you now that you're so close. Something else is going on...she has another guy, she doesn't want to meet and be disappointed, something like that. In any case you don't need to sit around and wait!

[NJRon]

but i have looked for my entire life and have found nothing that even comes close to this girl.

 

Yeah, apparently that includes *you* not coming close to this girl. Are you telling me that for the past 6 months (after a year and a half of talking) she has been living 15 minutes away from you and has not met you? There is absolutely no way that she could not have found the time in the last 6 months to drive the 15 minutes to meet you if you guys spend hours on the phone.

 

There is something seriously wrong here and you need to lay out an ultimatum of meet, or move on. Not saying you can't still be pen pals, but come on. How old are you two? If it were me, I would have et her after a couple of months... it's only Virginia. I used to drive to North Carolina every weekend to be with someone.

[AwdreeHpburn]

fd4life - welcome aboard. I think you'll get some great advice here. Starting straight away with friscodj...

 

First off I want to congratulate you on your sanity. You are no where near crazy for meeting and falling in love over the internet. That actually happens quite often. AND - the fact that you recognize something is amiss and are trying to get help grasping it also reaffirms your sanity. THAT SAID...

 

I again agree with Frisco - Ask her the difficult questions. Do you know that she indeed moved into the area? Is she nervous to meet you? Prepare yourself for what you may not want to hear.

 

You have strong feelings for this woman and from what you say you understand of her feelings, yours are reciprocated. She owes you an explanation.

[arwen]

She might be scared, is what I think. Sofar you haven't met yet, and it might be too much for her to meet you at your house. Did you try to meet her like in a bar/restaurant? Who knows she has friends who are warning her that you might be completely someone else than she thought? I know I have always been very careful in advising friends who met their mates on the net. I don't know if she is plainly not interested, she might plainly have cold feet.

 

Ok--- edit: I read 6 weeks instead of 6 months... yeah, it is time to find out what is keeping her away from you! I don't know, how was the contact over those 6 months?

 

Call her and find out!

 

Ilse

[LiquidCherry]

I got the feeling that she may be afraid too, like, maybe she lied to you about her age or what she looks like and is scared to meet you because of this.

[friscodj]

I got the feeling that she may be afraid too, like, maybe she lied to you about her age or what she looks like and is scared to meet you because of this.

 

Ooooo, good point...could be that too...