sprkal Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Is it wrong for me to stay over a guy I'm dating's house, sleep in his bed with him, but not have sex with him? I don't want to rush things with him too much, as I'm not quite comfortable enough yet for sex, but I would love to spend the night with him. I'm just thinking if he asks me to crash on the weekend I might say yes... but I don't want it to go as far as sex. Any opinions? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Is it wrong for me to stay over a guy I'm dating's house, sleep in his bed with him, but not have sex with him? I don't want to rush things with him too much, as I'm not quite comfortable enough yet for sex, but I would love to spend the night with him. I'm just thinking if he asks me to crash on the weekend I might say yes... but I don't want it to go as far as sex. Any opinions? For me, there are few greater joys in this world than falling asleep in your partner's arms and waking up to soft kisses... GO FOR IT! Just make sure he knows your boundaries when it comes to sex... Link to comment
intrigue_ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I did that on numerous occasions with my ex. when we first started dating. I never ultimately had sex with him (didn't feel ready) but we did fool around a bit doing other stuff. However, I told him I didn't want to have sex, didn't feel ready, and so we just snuggled. It was fine. If your bf respects you & really likes you, he won't pressure you to do more. Just explicitly tell him beforehand so he doesn't expect anything and, as the other poster said, he knows your boundaries. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hey Sparkl, I agree with friscodj. I just started a new relationship and we spend nights, but we haven't had sex yet. I want to wait longer, but cuddling and fooling around is a great way to become even more excited. I think if he wants you to spend the night and can respect your boundaries, you have a great guy on your hands My bf and I have a bit of difficulty to refrain from having sex, but it's a mutual feeling that we really need to wait first. So as long as your guy feels the same as you, I think it's ok. If you feel he wants you to sleep over at his place to still get you to sleep with him, well I guess you won't know that until you've spent the night! Enjoy and relax! Ilse Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I disagree. I say don't. Men are very VERY smart when it comes to seducing a woman.. before you know it you will be doing something that deep down you really don't want to do. Even the nicest guys in the world have this urge.. it doesn't mean they are a bad person. Now then.. if you are even in the slightest bit attractive he will become aroused when in bed with you... then he will start being all Fonz-like and trying to lay down the moves... this can go one of two ways --> 1. You say no and stick to it.. he get's pissed, get's annoyed and get's in a mood speaking of how he just wants to show you how much he cares and you shouldn't get into bed with him if you don't want to perform. 2. You fall for his charms and think.. ok.. I'll try it.. then you'll wake up in the morning and regret it. Trust me.. I've done this to many girls and only now feel bad for it. Keep yourself away from his bed until you are ready to hit a home run. Regards Kieran Link to comment
PassionatePices Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Nothing wrong with it at all! It's a beautiful feeling to fall asleep in each others arms and wake the same way! Just let him know what the boundaries are and STICK TO THEM!. Link to comment
intrigue_ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 yeah it can be like that. the first time I just snuggled with my ex. he was pushing me to go the next step... soon enough we were doing more. It wasn't sex, but close enough... there's a really fine line, but I think you just have to be persistent. What worked for me was telling my ex. that I wasn't on the birth control pill... he decided that it wasn't worth the risk either. But I know for some guys that won't work. It's up to you...maybe just watch a movie on a couch instead? Link to comment
sprkal Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 WOW thanks for your plentiful and speedy replies! That has made me feel so much more confident about it. I think I will spend the night, but only if he asks and I will let him know my boundaries beforehand! CHEERS! Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 yeah it can be like that. the first time I just snuggled with my ex. he was pushing me to go the next step... Yeah, if there's pressure, that's a big red flag that your partner isn't respecting your wishes or just can't control themselves... Urges are OK, pressure is not... I see your point KieranMC, if you can't handle the temptation then stay away from the apple...but if you can...and better yet enjoy it comfortably together...it's a really wonderful feeling... Link to comment
intrigue_ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Yes. My ex. wasn't very respectful of that. He was a virgin at 23... and I was much better looking than him... ALL he wanted to do was get in bed even if it was 2 in the afternoon... soon enough I dumped him. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hmm I'd say bad choice... I'll wait for you to post next week saying how you wish you hadn't slept with him.. or how it caused you to argue. *Holds Breath* Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 ... and I was much better looking than him... What does that have to do with anything???? Link to comment
arwen Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think it might be wise to find out where he's at. My bf and I just talked about things prior to spending the night. So we were sure that we had the same ideas, we like fooling around, but we both don't want to cross the border. Ilse Link to comment
intrigue_ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 What does that have to do with anything???? I hardly ever wanted to have sex, he wanted it 24/7. If a girl is hot, an objective 9/10, dating a 4/10 for example... one party will likely want more sexual action more than the other... at least this was the case for me. I felt no sexual chemistry with him, although I did feel a connection at a different level. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hmm methinks that the latter part of this conversation was removed for its irrelevance.. oops. SORRY MODS Link to comment
arwen Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Doesn't matter, let's go back on topic and help Sparkl out, shall we? Ilse Link to comment
intrigue_ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I'm glad. Suggesting I'm ugly is never a good topic for discussion in any case... Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Yup, my tendency to stray doesn't mix well here.. but that's another thread entirely I stick with my original thought... don't do it.. you're putting you and your relationship under strain by doing so. It's not fair on the guy either as he will have natural feelings, urges and hormones pushing him to do things. I'd say stick to the couch if you really need to stay over.. or discuss whether or not you are ready yet. If not,... swerve the sheets. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 *Stealth post* Intrigue was never told she was ugly... nor was it implied. SHIFTY LOOK.. MODS!!! Nooo!!! Link to comment
intrigue_ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think this is one of those things that depends on the couple entirely. Some amy have the willpower, some won't. Most guys probably won't and will try to get you to have sex. But some will be able to hold out. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hey thats no problem at all, will help strenthen emotional bond between you/similar...I slept with my boyfriend regularly but we didnt have sex (other stuff, but not full sex) for the first 3 months of our relationship, and its going fabulously. It was mainly HIS decision to hold off, because of the age difference (im 17, hes 21) he said *I want to really feel like its something you really want, not just sometihng you feel you should want, Id hate myself for feeling like i took advantage of you*. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I agree, intrigue. I think the more serious someone feels, the more he/she will try to take things slow. However, it's not necessary true in ALL cases. I mean, I have slept with one bf very soon, but we met on holidays and would part ways the next days. We have had a beautiful romance of 5 months, until the distance became to much (try having sex with 1500 km in between... lol). Just do what feels right, sparkl. Test the waters with him. Ilse Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Yeah Isle... he'd have to be pretty well hung to overcome such a distance. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Just noticed how good the word "overcome" was as a freudian slip!.. comic genius. I'm sure sleeping together without sex can work in many circumstances... but what I'm saying is it's a BIG risk to take.. as I don't think I could handle that pressure if I was really attracted to the girl.. what am I saying... I can NEVER handle the pressure. I've taken more cold showers than the rainforest before today. Kieran Link to comment
Carnatic Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think there shouldn't be anything wrong with this... As a guy I often think that we are underestimated in terms of our capacity to go without sex. I often get the impression from girls that even though they would rather just get to know a guy they think they have to have sex sometime soon, because they think this is what guys want and the guy will lose interest if he doesn't get sex, even when the guy the girl is going out with hasn't tried to get her to have sex with him. Not all guys have this pressing desire to have sex. Like intrigue's ex, I am a virgin at 23. I think being a virgin does make me want sex less, like it would be nice as part of a loving relationship but since I don't know what it's like I'm not hooked. People want sex once they've had it, if they don't know then the only thing making them want it is peer pressure, and at 23 I don't think I'm really subject to that. I said many times before, sex for sex's sake with a girl you either don't love or hardly know is just elaborate masturbation. I once met a girl who I was getting on well with, I was still deciding whether I really liked her or not but confusion and not knowing when to pull away ended up with me being led into bed with her. At this point I said I didn't want sex, and she was disappointed, but also really confused, like she couldn't imagine a guy not wanting sex... got really awkward after that. Link to comment
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