How to rebuild? Need advice Plz!

[Insite]

About 3 months ago my fiancé and I split up. This is no longer an issue. I'm completely over it, however, I have realized I don't have any friends anymore. The 4 years we were together we were each others best friend. She has the same issue and is fixing it by moving out of state to go and live with a friend. My situation is not so easy though. The mortgage on the house we bought is in my name. I have the dog we bought together, and I am on the fast track in my career. There is no way I can leave Scottsdale. I don't go out to the bars that much, only sometimes with some of the guys from work. My social skills have diminished quite a bit.

 

I body build so I am in the gym quite a bit, but I've been doing this for years and have never been able to meet any friends or women in the gym. I am so set in my ways that I get in, do what I need to do, then get out. I'm 30 years old and just have no clue how to meet people anymore. Is this normal after getting out of such a long relationship? Is it just part of the natural order in which these break ups go?

This is seriously starting to bother me more than the actual break up itself. If anyone knows what I'm talking about and has maybe been through it themselves could you please give me some advice on this? I am not a hermit or an anti social type person. I am just confused as to where to go from here. If it is a time thing I can deal with it just fine as that I would understand. Thanks everyone.

[NJRon]

I experienced this exact thing coming out of my last breakup. When she left I realized I had absolutely no social circle except her, and the few friends she brought to the table (which, needless to say, I didn't exactly start hanging out with). I never meet friends at bars or the gym and was totally confused.

 

So, I started looking up social groups in my area. I joined a photography club and sierra club, which were interests of mine. I just had never acted upon it. I also started going out with a singles group in the area. I did it just to meet people and make friends, and it's been working. I also, as a byproduct, met someone that I am interested in and we are going out sometime.

 

However, it *is* kind of a time thing. One thing that bothered me is that I lacked friends. I came to terms with the fact that friends don't just appear out of nowhere, it takes years to establish roots. So, now that I'm not impatient and just going out and doing things, it's kind of just started snowballing. There are very few nights now where I don't have the option of something to do or people to hang out with. And, it's been about 5 months.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think its totally normal after being in a long term relationship to be a bit disoriented, so to speak, back in the single world. It is difficult to know where to meet people. Fortunately we live in the comunication era/information age and so sharing ideas and finding information is a LOT easier.

 

Do a google search - type something like - Singles in Arizona. I did, a ton of resources pop up. For meeting people on-line AND off. Just put yourself out there. Give a few things a try. Do those 3 minute dinner dating things ... there's sooo much out there that after a bit of good research, you should be able to find something that fits you. Good luck dude. - T

[Ms Omaniac]

the last few guys ive dated ive met through the internet. im not good with meeting people face to face. but for some reason...i can be funnier and chattier on the computer.

maybe try link removed or yahoo personals?

[Insite]

Thank you all for your replies. The singles thing I have heard of, but never really contemplated on going to one. Its a great idea thx! As for the online thing, I have actually done this but had no luck. I was probably so far at the back of the pages nobody even saw it. Plus photos don't really do any justice. The 3 minute dating thing I don't think I could handle - that is just way too strange to me, but who knows maybe i'll give it a shot sometime and it might be great. Anyways thx alot for the help here.

[Relationship Coach]

Insite,

 

You are completely normal and you will move past this point of recovery as you have others. When my first marriage ended I found myself in the same position with the exception that I cut off our "couple friends". I didn't want them to split up trying to take sides and believe me a few were very much on my side. Some of these couples we traveled all over the world with and they were as close as family but to be honest with you, I really didn't want my old friends who knew of my failed marriage and my ex wife's indiscretions. I wanted new friends but I had to make time to find them. I started by redecorating my place, professional designer and all. The more contacts I made, the more I discovered how easy it was to meet potential friends.

 

I went to a show at an art gallery while looking for a few pieces to finish off my great room and I met so many people who then in turn introduced me to more people. Now I'm not sure of your religious beliefs but I made several good friends at the new church in which I started attending. In addition to all of this I joined a few networking breakfast clubs and I'm proud to say that I mailed out over 120 invitations to my wedding last June not including family! From 0 to 120 in 3 years, not bad. I guess my point is, it takes effort but it's a fun process. Think of it as a draft. You are the team owner and you can decide you to select and who not too. I hope this helps!

 

RC

[shamus]

as the others said,

juist need to get out there.

In my relationship, i didnt meet new people, i was always with her, and I work long hours, so it was tough to meet new people, even just to hang out or get a drink. Have a few friends, but not many. Moved to arizona 3 years ago, so all my friends are abck east.

just time and getting out there, trying to strike up conversation will help

[NJRon]

Weird that you two are the same age and in the same city... hmm... hehe

[Relationship Coach]

and signed up during the same month?

[Insite]

Guys thx alot. Your replies are truly appreciated and have been helpful. As for shamus - haha - yea it is strange isnt it. We are actually in touch via email and will be getting together for a drink soon.

[Relationship Coach]

See there you go, it all starts with one! ENA Buds, nice.

[shamus]

Yeah it is funny!

 

We are 2 separate people, live in the same city, same age.

 

Wanna get weirded out even more?

we both lost our exs around the same time, me a few days after my birthday, insite a few days before his, and our birthdays are about a week apart. Creepy!

 

but yes, we talk and are planning on getting drinks...we can go meet girls together...strength in numbers.

If you guys want to come down to arizona, now is the perfect time of year. have a big ENA party!

[deejay74]

ok, so you got me inspired - i hope i am not hijacking your thread, but i live in NYC...

 

anyone on here live in the area that wants to get together? send me a PM!

[jman311]

I too am in Scottsdale and went through a breakup recently ... thought what the heck so I tried to PM both Shamus and Insite but I am apparently too new of a member (I just registered). Anyone know the requirements for having PM access on here?

 

Hey if either of you read this maybe PM me?

[shamus]

jman

email me personally at email removed

 

chris and i have really helped each other out. we're here for you, and you are welcome to grab a beer with us one night.

I live off via linda and shea. chris is off bell and 60th