Thinking of revenge, so much anger, but don't wanna do it, HELP!!

[CrombieguyHigh]

Ok, at this point that I'm posting this, I'm angry right now. Let me start by saying that it's now been 7 yrs. into our relation, it's been good so far, but back then when it was only 2 years of our relation, one time I told here that I would be back within a month, I had to do shift, I was working, so I couldn't talk to her that much. However, I had to work more so I told her I would take a while, just one more month, well I came back only to find out that she's been cheating on me while I was not there. Her reason was that she got so desparate when I didn't call her for a while and thought the worst, thought that I had lied or cheated, I never did, I was working and yet I get that in returned. It was with from guy online she cheated, she went with a friend to that guy's house. They had making out sessions, then it almost went further, thought she stopped, she still cheated, then again she kissed yet another guy. I have it counted to three times, but she says it was twice, well two or three, I was crushed then. We talked on phone, she cried saying I was the man she care about, so after days, I gave her second chance, then when it does happened again, still I forgive her. At first it was okay, we talked out way through, but then I started to bash her, I would saying bad things like "Ur not the girl I should be with" or "Ur a * * * * *, so and so and maybe I shouldn't even marry you". I tried to break up with her once, but then I couldn't, I call her back, crying this time. I guess another reason would be that this is my first g/f, first serious relation. Well thought she proven herself and hasn't cheated again, that anger started to kick in again on me 4 months ago when I saw a talk show on T.V about cheating that now I'm thinking the worst.

I have an older cuz, and he's a swinger, and well these terrible thought of going to going to my cuz house and asking him to bring a woman for me, but see, the only way I would do that is to get myself very drunk. But I dunno, at the same time, I don't feel like I wanna do it, yes I still love her, but it that anger getting the best of me. Plz, help, I really don't wanna do this, any way I can stop myself from doing it before it's too late.

[miracle29]

Wow,

I must say..it must be meant for me to read this post and help you. I have a newborn and i'm up all hours of the night, and this post caught my eye.

 

I am going to do something that I have never done here on enotalone and that is confess something I did when I was MUCH younger. Anyone who hates me because of this i'll understand.

 

I too dated someone i thought I loved dearly. I was about 20 at the time. I'm much older now (can't say how much a lady never reveals her secrets). I was with them for over two years. I was faithful, honest...true. Then I came home one day...( he didnt expect me too) and found him looking at porn. I let it go...because I figured..its just once....but sometime in me knew something was wrong though i tried to deny it.

 

It wasnt even a week later, i had found out he had cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend.

 

I was so angry i couldnt see straight....and I like you (took them back,.. but couldnt get past it). I was angry, vengeful, spiteful...oh hell had no fury..

 

Then one day a friend of his friend came to live with us just on a temp basis...

Truth is..i didnt even care who..i just wanted to revege.

One thing led to another (that is such an excuse..but none the less....it did) there were looks back and forth, flirting and even though no sex came until after I moved out of the house...there was no doubt an emotional affair brewing..and I left him....for the other guy. I did care for the other guy...but the way I left was so cold and so mean. I guess I didnt really cheat because I did leave him...but the fact is I did it out of revenge. Well the person I left him for turned out to be very strange. He wasnt a cheater but there are WORST THINGS. And thats about all the detail i can give you for that..but hear me out...

 

The lesson I learned was "instead of me cheating or moving away with another man" I should have just left the first one to begin with. I knew i wasnt over the cheating he did on me, and I didnt trust him. I knew this...but like you I thought "i'll get you back you bastard" when in reality...he wasnt the one for me to begin with ,....and I should have left him before..meeting the other man.

 

Now i'm married with a child and even though we have our issues...I would never trade him for the loser ex who cheated on me. A man i was holding on to just for the sake of saying I had someone...when in truth...I had nothing but a liar and a cheater. A porn addict...a woman beater and a sick twisted vision of what love should be. Think about that...

 

God said "revenge is mines" and he said that for a reason...no one ever wins when they play * * * for tat or eye for an eye. Its really better to bow out gracefully then to seek revenge. I really hope this helped..I wish someone would have stopped me...but back then...enotalone didnt exist. Go figure...

[TiredMan]

Seems to me, either way, it's done. If you don't have your revenge, then this will keep on eating you up. If you leave her, then obviously it's done. If you have your revenge, and it makes you feel better, she might not be able to handle it.

 

Not sure what to do but I always say, do what's in your heart. Me personally? I would cheat TOO then leave her shortly after because I'm spiteful when people decide it's ok to really hurt you lol.

 

You gotta love how "looking at porn" is thrown in the same sentence as beating and cheating on here HAHA. But that's another thread on here.

[miracle29]

Tired man,

 

I think whats funnier is that you are the only person who would think that I ever called porn cheating. Jokes on you fast reader..I said that led up to it....I was just telling him that the signs of his sneaky behavior (before the cheating) were worn out from flashing. Try reading the entire post next time fast reader..

 

 

To the poster.... I totally can understand tired man's mentality. Some people can feel better by doing this, but for me it didnt work. I felt worse..even though I left him before having any physical contact..it just turned out that leaving on the bigger note...made more sense. I think it shows a little more strength and can hurt a person more, when you leave them and they have nothing to get over you by. For example, if you leave her and don't cheat on her..she'll have a hell of a harder time getting over you then if you give her the "well he cheated on me too" scenerio...but its up to you and your judgment...think about that. Try to be the bigger person, because I promise you..she's not the one..the one doesnt treat you like that.

 

Good luck.

[DaMadHatter]

Well your situation is a little complicated because you've been with this person for going on 7 years (that's a LONG time). I truly think the best thing to do would have been to leave her long time ago, but never mind that now.

 

The fact is i've been in your position and it will ALWAYS it at you, and you will always have serious trust and revenge issues with this girl. Until you move on with your life, obviously that's very complicated since u have so much time invested.

 

Getting a little revenge is a definite no no, unless you want to screw up the situation further. Look, any cheating is horrible and it hurts, I know. But hey it's not like she slept with a bunch of guys, she just kissed 3 in a 7 year period, i think that's forgiveable. U need to either grow up and be man enough to let go of those incidents or u need to leave her and start from scratch with someone else. Just because you've been with someone for so long doesn't mean they're for u. Look at yourself and ask what is it that you really want. But definitely no revenge. Hope this helps

[TiredMan]

Actually Miracle, what I was referring to was your statement of "I had nothing but a liar and a cheater. A porn addict...a woman beater and a sick twisted vision of what love should be". This is why I said "You gotta love how "looking at porn" is thrown in the same sentence as beating and cheating on here". Sorry nice try tho.

[miracle29]

Crombiehigh.....

 

Have you decided what you're going to do?

 

Update us.

[CrombieguyHigh]

Hey people,

It's me again,

Yea, I didn't went with it, I read a few posts here and figure that what I was thinking was really low, I dunno wut was I thinking, I think I was just angry, that's all. Right now, I'm thinking if maybe I should tell her that horrible thought I had in mind. Thoughts are just thoughs, same as dreams are only dreams, but I still feel like I betrayed her for even thinking about cheating, so should I tell her people?

[TiredMan]

I wouldn't. You haven't cheated yet she cheated on you. But I still believe the relationship is pretty much over since you want to cheat and she already did. Not once, but several times. 7 years is a long relationship. I know the feeling. I still think if it was me, I would just do it and then end the relationship. I mean fighting is one thing but when someone cheats multiple times on you, it's time to get out.

[DaMadHatter]

NO!!!!!

DO NOT i repeat DO NOT tell her. It will only complicate things by putting stupid thoughts into her mind that she could later use against you. Save yourself the headache or argument and keep it to yourself.

[miracle29]

I would say no...because she could use it as leverage against you for her next motive....keep your thoughts to your self...you don't want to cause a rift....that can be avoided...