A new experience....how do I do it?

[sandela]

Hi, I'm 41 have been separated for almost 3 years and I have two early teenage kids. I have not had the greatest luck in romance. I met a guy on the internet that lives 6 hours away from me (I live in Canada and he lives in the US). Our first meeting, that went very well, was done half way between our two cities. Just prior to that I should add that we had speaking on the phone constantly every night for at least an hour.

 

Second meeting took place last Sunday. He drove to my city, we had dinner out and he left late afternoon on Monday. Nothing has changed as far as phoning goes. I like this person and this person also likes me (I only know that because he told me). I keep thinking about the distance and how it will eventually get in the way. I wanted to talk to him about it early enough to know whether or not I should cut my losses. I realize that we are no where to even begin thinking about moving. So I'm being realistic about that. He also has older teenagers but still has on and off weekends like I do. But of course we are on opposite schedules. I think this can be worked out in time.

 

What this note is all about is what about the time in between - us not seeing each other (conflicts in schedules, work, committments, all sorts of things). These things will be roadblocks for us. Another question how much time in a month should I be seeing him/epecting to see him every other weekend (assuming one of us changes the schedule with the kids)?

 

At what point should I start to worry that this type of relationship is just a convenience of not having someone around all the time. Do I even think about that? As it stands now I won't see him for another three weeks? Is that too long? Is he giving me the run around?

 

Need advice badly.

 

Thanks to anyone who reads this.

 

S

[ocrob]

Who knows how you will both feel about eachother in the coming months, but it does sound like he likes you. Not too many guys would go to that much trouble to see a woman, unless they cared about them. It does sound like you are both in challenging circustances. I would guess it would be hard for both of you to move. If you have the financial mean to keep travelling to see each other, then it could definitely work. I see your concern because if you both fall in love, then how will you be together? It is a legitimate concern. The thought of future heartache is tough, but sometimes you have to live for the here and now. Have fun and enjoy being with someone you enjoy.

[snugglemufin]

Follow your own heart. There ae no "rules" for how long you must see somebody or how much time you spend together or apart. It sounds like you both care for each other, so build on what you have, rather than worry about what gets in the way - when that happens you will know about it at discuss it then. Also, by today's standards, being 6 hours away is not really that long considering ppl from UK or USA have relationships with Asian people.

 

Enjoy what you do have.

 

Best Wishes

[ShySoul]

If you are starting to have these concerns, it is best to talk about it and figure out where both of you stand and what both of you want. It is best to work things out early and open up the level of communication. If you don't these questions will linger and you will worry and stress yourself out, possibly causing it to affect the relationship in a way you don't want it to. Talk about it and come to a conclusion that works for both of you. There is no time frame, do what is right for you.

 

Good luck sandela!

[distancehelp]

Hi sandela,

 

In fact, one of our core needs, is to having a sense of belonging, of being loved.

 

And it seems that both of you love each other, although it's a little bit early to decide if you were made for each other.

 

First, try to know him the best you can, and that takes some time!

 

And after if you really decide that it's real love, that you have the foundations to take your relationship, to a long commitment, then I think both of you should speak also with your tennagers kids.

 

Maybe you will be able to find a solution to be together, that you alone can not see.

 

But for now, don't worry to much with that, try before to see if there is really a foundation between both of you for a long commitment, and don't just be with him because of "your core need of beloging and feel loved", that I also have, and all of us have.

[patience]

Do you feel like you are getting enough face to face time with him? Or do you find yourself wanting and needing more?

A LDR may or may not be right for you...this is something you will quickly discern.

Phone calls are nice, but to really get to know a person, I do believe one actually needs to spend time with the person, and not just 'fun' times, but also the real-life day to day stuff that we struggle through.