Trouble brewing

[Someaussiedude]

Hi, I need help, I am 22 years old and dating a 17 year old girl I met off the internet.

We had sex on the first day I know I should have waited but she said she didn't care.and we have been having sex alot.

Anyway this girl- It's not like i'm not attracted to her because I am, (although she is a bit overweight)

But I feel she is far too possesive of me, she never wants to leave my side, and although I am gratefull I'm the kinda guy that needs my space sometimes (I really am okay being alone I haven't dated a girl in 5 years I'm quite accustomed to it) whereas she can't stand being alone.

Anyway I told her i didn't want to date her until we got to know each other for a longer time (since I am jobless (like her) and I am scarred rushing into relationships too soon because I am always the one hurt when i'm with girls.

She says she wants to be more then "just" friends..but if i'm with a girl, dating her..i think the friendship part is really an important key to a relationship.

Anyway, She said she loves me (after like 3 days being together) and it comes as a bit of a shock, She keeps lying to her parents that she is tired etc so she can stay over And she is a little manipulative to get what she wants... I feel guity because i shouldn't have had sex with her until I got to know her a little more but it just happened

The problem is I really don't have strong feelings for this girl although love takes time, she doesn't exactly blow me away (not that I have high standards) Anyway we are dating (although I feel a little pushed into it, And I really don't wan't to break this girls heart (I'm not a bad guy) But feel arrogant to say this but I feel I am a little more mature then her, (not that she is totally ammature)..she said she was still doing it with her ex..and she doesn't wanna hang round him anymore n wants to be with me(and I'm not with any other girls at the moment.and pretty easy going about the whole thing.

I don't know whether to stay with this girl a little longer or just end it (I know it will hurt her and I will feel really guity…but I do think shes okay so far ..I just feel sufforcated, and I told her she was trying to control me too much, when I told her to wait for awhile b4 we dated she started crying .. n it kinda annoys me that shes always crying or having a supposed "panic attack" when she hears what she doesn't wanna hear..

Anyway Since I have been with 3 girls in my life (1 was a gf from highschool) I am inexpeirenced with girls.. I desperatly need imput any advice would be greatly appreciated ..thankyou

[DN]

Never stay with anyone out of pity - it is not fair to either of you. Judging by what you say, I think you should end it; you are obviously not really attracted to her emotionally or physically, at least not enough to sustain a relationship.

 

Be as gentle as you can but as firm as necessary.

[RandomAdvisor]

What DN said pretty much sums it up. If you were more attracted to her, I would suggest trying to speak to her about her giving you more space. But you're not. You're post just screams of the "blah's." You feel forced into this relationship, and that's not a good sign at all.

 

So as DN advises, best to drop her now.

[Tigris]

I agree with DN too.

 

The longer you wait to tell her it's over the more hurt she's going to be. It's time to get it over and done with!

 

Good luck.

[Someaussiedude]

I was kinda thinking the same thing...although I feel things take time maybie i shouldn't say never ever?..although I am a little freaked her mum was like tagging around us 2, and like giving me lectures on things (like telling me about how I should quit smoking whilst she is smoking herself and asking personal questions about me on like the 2nd day we were together) wanting my number etc etc...n continuelly calling me

 

Although I feel bad about having sex with her without dating her first and hugging/kissing etc. esp since she is only 17, I feel uneasy about how one the first day she was telling me how shes still doing it with her ex, if we dated she would stop..then says she loves me on the 3rd day?...She was like banging her head on the walls saying she wants to kill herself because i told her "not yet" about the dating thing..it's going to really f*****g suck doing it

[DN]

She sounds somewhat disturbed, make sure you break up with her gently but be prepared to leave quickly if you need to. It could just be youthful histrionics but be ready for a lot of drama.

[Someaussiedude]

thanx 4 the pointers guys

I fall sucker to girls pity-games sometimes n don't know how to be firm enough with them, she goes on bout her weight but to be honest I think shes pretty n attractive enough it's her personality that scares me abit

I should just tell her that she is too young and I don't have deep feelings for her (just be real) n maybie in the future things can work out..and in the meantime she can stay with her ex? hehe I dunno i'm hopeless with girls ..argh *gulps* gettn ready for a soap opera from hell hehe

[DN]

Don't say anything about maybe in the future things can work out - it will give her false hope and she will not let go.

[PocoDiablo]

You're letting her control you, and she's very good at it. She's also a liar. She may even be a cheater (I can't quite tell from what you said, but she's with her ex?)

 

She keeps lying to her parents that she is tired etc so she can stay over And she is a little manipulative to get what she wants...

she said she was still doing it with her ex..and she doesn't wanna hang round him anymore n wants to be with me

I told her she was trying to control me too much, when I told her to wait for awhile b4 we dated she started crying

shes always crying or having a supposed "panic attack" when she hears what she doesn't wanna hear..

I strongly recommend to guys to never date a liar, cheater, or manipulative person. If you do stay with her, even though you clearly don't want to be, then you only reward her for being a liar. So the longer you let her get away with it, the more she will do it.

 

No doubt when you break up with her, she'll cry and have a panic attack to get you to change your mind. If you do, then you'll again reward her for acting like a big baby.

 

I would tell her that you can't date her any more because she lies, cheats, and tricks people. And when she starts to cry and fall apart, all you have to do is say "See? This is exactly what I mean. You act like a big baby and cry to try to trick people into doing what you want. This is why I am leaving you. I want to date a mature women, not a crying 5 year old." Of course, not quite so harsh (you don't want to be a jerk) but say the truth.

 

I'd dump her ASAP.

[Relationship Coach]

I agree with the majority here but here something to consider. She is 17 and you are 22, in many places you could go to jail for that. I'm not sure about Australia but you might check in to this. If you think she is manipulative, a liar and somewhat vindictive, you need to be careful how you handle breaking up with her. The last thing you want is her crying rape! Be a little smarter next time about who you bed down with. Get to know them first, it's hard to put the cuckoo back in the clock once it's out.

 

RC

[Someaussiedude]

i'm digg'n what ya saying PocoDiablo

now that I think bout it...if she has to bulls**t to her mum about meeting a guy that's a bad sign yeh? because her mum didn't seem that bad just strict (probably for a good reason I can imagine)

 

(16 is the legal age, but i'll keep that in mind ..since a girls done that to me b4 )

 

excellent advice ppl, my thanx..i'll let you know what happens tomorrow

[Someaussiedude]

argh (probably a dead post now)

but i'ma dropping this girl n i don't really care bout the dramas either - girls love drama.. . n I think a girl whos only hobby is a guy is a bit much.

I feel theres really no such thing as a good girl their all game playing sl*ts.. sorry could be untrue but that's how I feel ...well happy valenstine ppl . .. hope it goes well 4 yas.. I think i wan't mine alone...again lol

[JC3]

I think that she is desperate right now and needs to stand on her own two feet because she can't be alone and that is why she is emotionally crazy right now. You are not in a position to help her because you need to focus on your own life and taking charge and finding a job so you cannot be there for her. I would tell her that she needs to get some counseling so that she can take a stand back and to realize that she doesn't need sex with a man to be worthy of love. She somehow believes that having sex with you and her boyfriend gives her a connection when real intimacy is created with an emotional bond. The fact that you are sleeping with her and not sure that she is the woman of your dreams is you using her and that is not being fair to her or to you. The best thing that you can do for her now is to sit down with her and have a heart to heart and be honest and truthful about it. Don't tell lies and stories but tell what it is in your heart and that is that you realized that you aren't in a position to offer her or any other woman something at this point in your life because your main focal point in life has to be getting your act together. Dating a 17 year old is NOT a way for you to be getting your life in order. Her mother could come back and file charges against you!!! You need to do some soul searching and to figure out where you want to go in life and start taking baby steps in that direction. When you start being true to yourself then will start to attract healthier women in your life and won't be sleeping with women with whom are needy and not emotionally available because you will know that it is not fair to her and it is not getting for you what you need in your life..only adding chaos and confusion when your goal in dating is to limit the drama. Good luck