Oh !

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, this is an update on my situation as outlined in my recent postings RE: my boyfriend's father dying, he has around 5 days left according to doctors.

 

After spending Friday night with my boyfriend, I felt bad all day Saturday so I decided to distract myself...I did 2 hours/85km on the exercise bike, went online..and later I went to an ice hockey match with 3 of my friends.

 

I know all 3 of these people fairly well, especially one which I'll call D. Over the past week/two weeks, through BF's dad's gradual decline/as the stress situation escalated I confided in D as I have known him a couple of months through college and he's a nice, intelligent person who has had a lot of comforting things to say.

 

This morning though, having thought about it, I realised that on a couple of occasions D and I were almost..flirting and I feel like the worst person in the world, not only do I have a boyfriend but a boyfriend who really needs me right now. If you wanted to get psychological you'd probably say it was pure craving for distraction. Nothing *happened* but I feel so, so guilty I went home and binge ate until I was sick.

 

Then I thought, Im just going crazy here, we didnt *do* anything so why go mental and so guilty?

 

I think D is attracted to me. I dont know. If he is, I'll have to avoid him, I guess, as I cant ask him outright without sounding madly arrogant, but the last thing I need is a mess involving him. Now I sound like a complete *** on here

 

I was thinking about my boyfriend at least 60% of the time even when watching the match as well, so why? Inside I was having all these sad thoughts, outwardly I was being really extroverted etc, it felt so weird...ultimately I really liked being with friends though...it should be ok, i doubt D would do anything as he knows Im far from single? So I shouldnt have to avoid him?

 

arrrgrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[darkblue]

You can not control who is attracted to you and who is not.

You do not know that D is attracted to you.

You care about your boyfriend a great deal.

 

Stop beating yourself up for something you cannot control.

 

Take care.

[Bethany]

Everyone needs a little escapism so don't go feeling bad.However you should taken on board these feelings and what has happened and try and find some other kind of escape to lift your spirits.

 

Your BF needs you right now so stay mentally and emotionally faithful to him so you won't have these guilty feelings which will make you withdraw from him at a time when he needs you most. Adding another man to the picture will just mess you up totally and you should avoid him for the time being at least.

[DN]

I think a little self-discipline is required here. You are obviously a good person with a conscience so do avoid temptation. Imagine how you would feel if you cheated on your boyfriend in anyway, physically or emotionally on the day his father died, or even while he was close to death. I think that would be on your conscience for a long time.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It certainly would.

 

I feel a bit better now, I spent the day at a good friend's house and talked it over.

 

Thank you everyone.