Sex TONIGHT. need help

[eriko]

Ok so in about two hours i'm going to hang out with my girlfriend. (To inform anyone who has read my past posts, my girlfriend and I had sex once, but it was without a condom and i withdrew). I still have this problem with getting an erection when the heavy making out occurs. The only time we had sex I had to masturbate myself for 15 minutes while kissing and stimulating her until I finally started to get an erection. And when I finally DO get one, I have to start having sex right away otherwise I lose the erection quickly. This has gotten to the point of sheer embarrassment. I know that this HAS to be performance anxiety, because I masturbate frequently and have no problems, and I get random erections during the day. (I also have this problem with getting aroused without any direct stimulation from a girl, meaning that even if a girl is naked next to be and being all sexual, I still won't get an erection; I would need her to touch me).

 

Basically, this is just me putting my anger out onto paper (well, almost haha). It's so frustrating and I really need to overcome this, otherwise it will haunt me for years and relationships to come.

 

ANY advice, whether mental or physical, is appreciated =)

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Since it's your first intimate relationship, and beacsue you are 17, it'll be hard to feel completley comfortable with a girl while doing an act so new to you. I would be worried if you didn't have performance anxiety the first couple of times at least. If it helps, no matter how confident she appears, she is just as nervous about her performance as you are with yours. Over time i'm sure the stress will be relieved and you will both feel more comfortable with eachother. It may even happen tonight if you are relaxed enough. Just know this is normal, and only time will help you to get over it. If you are comfortable being this intimate you can try to discuss with her the way you are feelign and you might find she recipricates the same feelings. Try having her help you along. Over time you will build up stamina and be able to do this without the nervousness. I wish you the best of luck on your venture tonight! lol

[ShySoul]

Hey. My advice is going to be mental, and might not be of much help, but its the only thing I can think of to help. Don't think about it. I know, not think about sex? Is that even possible?

 

What I mean is that you still have two hours before you even see her. You are already getting nervous about not being able to stay hard. This is probably going to occupy your thoughts for the next few hours, so that should you end up in a position to have sex with her again, all the anxiety will have built up in you, making it extremely difficult to just enjoy the experience. You are so worried about not performing, that it actually hurts your performance.

 

I don't know how to get over the mental block you seem to have, but it will be easier if you don't worry about it as much. Concentrate on other things, spend the next couple of hours just hanging out and doing other things. Enjoy the evening with your girlfriend, don't be expecting sex or worrying about how you will do. It may be difficult to actually do, but if you can let go and just live in the moment, things like that tend to flow easier and natural.

[SkyFire]

Bro, Ive had that happen to me. The first time I've ever had sex I could barely get it up. It's happened a few times after that too.

 

It's all a mental thing. Peformance anxiety is what it all leads down to.

 

How long have you guys been going out for?

 

If she's your girlfriend, you should be able to talk to her about it, say that you're just nervous and it's not her fault (because she will probably think that it is).

 

Before having sex, don't just jump into it. Have fun, relax. Don't even do anything sexual. First get the idea of sex out of your head, and then build up to it and let it happen. Don't worry so much about how well you do.

 

This is normal man. It will pass as you gain sexual experience and confidence, trust me.

[hosswhispra]

Eriko-

 

What's with the urgency to have sex tonight? Sounds like you are under pressure (from what you wrote). Why don't you take a mental break (to regroup or something) and go out to Starbucks together and get a hot chocolate---and relax tonight as there will be many more opportunities.

 

hosswhispra

[calgaryguy]

I say drink some gin and tonic , and relax a little.

[ShySoul]

What's with the urgency to have sex tonight? Sounds like you are under pressure (from what you wrote). Why don't you take a mental break (to regroup or something) and go out to Starbucks together and get a hot chocolate---and relax tonight as there will be many more opportunities.

 

I second that. Sex should happen when the time is right, not when you are feeling nervous and pressured to perform. Relax and have fun. If its right, you will know it is right.

[eriko]

Well thanks for all the help guys/girls. We ended up having sex, sort of. Since I have trouble keeping it up when i'm facing dwon she got on top of me, but I went limp after about 5-6 minutes, weird I know. Hey, it's a start, and I definetly DON'T feel like I rushed into sex with her. But thank you all for the great advice.

[ShySoul]

It should get easier with time as you get more comfortable around each other. This isn't as uncommon as you might think, so its nothing to worry about. Just relax and enjoy the experience. And remember, lots of foreplay is helpful, helps both people relax.