why is it so hard for me to actually begin intercourse?

[workaholic]

I thought that the process would be simple..but it isn't. First I had to find the right position to enter, and yet it was uncomfortable and awkward to me and her. Then, I had to push as hard as I could (I wore a condom) and I had to use my hand as well, because even though I was erect, I wasn't "hard enough" to penetrate. I kept bending..which sounds funny but at that time it really wasn't. It was more frustrating than anything because as a guy I've had this picture-perfect vision of just sliding in and out. (blame it on my culture, mass media, e.t.c.)

 

But it took me about a minute or more to actually get inside her and by the time that happened I went limp!

 

So, to prevent a moment where my mind is into it but my body isn't..

1. What's the best position to begin intercourse with a girl for a beginner?

2. How do you prevent from getting soft immediately before intercourse?

3. Do I need to know more about the female anatomy? Does "going straight in" make any sense?

 

Thanks

[Coffee]

From behind, it`s kind of degrading, but in general it seems to work well. Also if she is laying down face flat and you are on her back, the tension will always keep it hard.

 

Other then that concentrate on you erection, make her squerm a little, and you both will be having a great time. If you are all worried then you are going to lose it, feel like you are disappointing her, and over all just making sloppy potatoes.

 

Breath in, concetrate on the sensations and stimulations, and have a good time!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Sex is 95% mental. Remember that. Don't "think" about it too much at all. That's what makes the erection go away.

 

Make sure you're old enough and ready. The actual penetration and "sliding in and out" is the easy part.

[SpyderE]

I am assuming you are a bit new to this, don't worry so much, everyone gets a bit freaked out at first, you will get more comfortable with things and it will get easier. as for getting in, do you do much foreplay? is she wet? if not you might try lubricants, they will help even if you are not like a rock. You shouldn't have to push really hard, if you are then either you are huge, she is still a bit dry, bad angle, or you are aiming at the wrong hole...

 

I think the key for you will be to relax and have fun with it, don't build it up into this huge pressure situation. Easier said than done but give it time, it will get easier.

[ratherbesailing]

workaholic -

 

I hope you are old enough and I hope you have some feelings for this girl and she for you. If you are too young or you guys don't have feelings for each other, my advice is to wait and make the next time be with someone special.

 

I hate to ask but are you usually hard when you are aroused? If not you might want to talk to a doctor. If you were drinking a lot or anything like that, that will make it more difficult to stay hard even if your brain is totally up for it. If you were nervous, that's going to have the same affect. If you were worried that someone might catch you, that's going to cause a problem to.

 

If you are normally hard but just weren't this particular time when you were with this girl then it is just a mind thing and it happens to every single one of us at some point in our lives. Just putting the condom on can cool down the action enough to cause a problem and from what you describe it sounds like she wasn't wet enough to begin with. She was probably nervous too.

 

I'd suggest the following. 1) don't worry about it there is nothing wrong with you or the position. 2) use your mouth on her first and make sure she's completely aroused and that she's plenty wet before you try to enter her. She's going to like the attention. Slide your fingers in a few times first to spread things around the opening a bit 3) buy a cheap dozen condoms and practice putting them on when you are alone so that it is natural enough and you don't have to really think about it when the time comes. 4) use a lubricated condom and open the wrapper and place the condom on top of the wrapper near the bed before you really get into it, one less thing to distract you at the time. 5) some people get more turned on if their partner puts the condom on them. You can decide whether this will help you or distract you more. 6) If she's willing, have her put her mouth on you before you put on the condom. That aught to firm things up and keep them there. 7) missionary is best for penetration, that's the best way to start even if you change after things are lubed up. 8) as guy's we get turned on by visual stuff. Bright lights off but a candle near the bed and watch her body, pay attention to her breasts and legs. The penetration is just part of the experience.

 

If she's having trouble getting wet and really wants to have sex, KY advertises that warming massage gel/personal lubricant. If you work some of that around her with your fingers, inside and out and then wipe some on the tip of the condom you should be able to slide right in even if you aren't completely hard.

 

Don't worry, when it all comes together, it will just get better and better. The real thing is actually better than that picture you have in your mind.

[ShySoul]

Workaholic, I've noticed that you tend to worry about things too much and have a hard time just going with things. Unfortunately, this tendency is going to make sex difficult if you continue it. With sex you need to be able to lose yourself and live in the moment. You need to be able to stop thinking and just experience and enjoy everything. Lots of foreplay can help. From there, just enjoy it. More you think about what you are doing and put pressure on yourself, more problems you will have.

 

Some good tips from ratherbesailing. Hope they help you.