SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 If your girlfriend of a year gets a new bf TWO DAYS after you break up...and she's been with him for three weeks and seen him every single day. Without stating the obvious that she has moved on, just wondering what it means! Link to comment
lunatic Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 It means it is time to forget her and start No Contact ASAP! Take the control back and start the process of moving on. Forget her as she has cheated and lied to you. I know it stinks and it has happened to me over the years. I feel your pain but, you have to move on. She is not worthy of your love or friendship. Hang in there bro it will get better. Hub Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Sadhatter - I think you probably already have a theory about what it means. I am going to be brutaly honest with what I think it means. This is probably something she's been contemplating for a while. Probably a guy she's wanted to date but either he or she wouldn't while she was with someone else. Probably something that's been building a while. If she is spending every day with this new person, sounds like infatuation. My advice to you is let yourself mourn the loss. Try not to focus on what she's doing. Focus on what you're going to do to move on as well. Keep us posted about how you're doing. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thanks guys. Just found out that one of her best friends got stabbed and killed this week and she's been really upset obviously. Found out from her sister. Do you think I should break the week-long no contact and text her and say I am sorry to hear it or not contact? Link to comment
WildChild Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thanks guys. Just found out that one of her best friends got stabbed and killed this week and she's been really upset obviously. Found out from her sister. Do you think I should break the week-long no contact and text her and say I am sorry to hear it or not contact? Yes, I think that would be appropriate. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 OK, sent the message...I said, i said, "hi, just heard about your friend, really sorry to hear it. if you need anything as a friend let me know. hope you're ok, take care" Haven't even got a reply, nice... Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Got a reply now... "thanks, i appreciate that. of course i am upset, but my new bf knew him as well so we got each other, cheers anyway" Had to get the dig in about the new bf didnt she Link to comment
lgirl Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 SadHatter, my ex did something similar to me (except it was 2 days before he smashed up our r/shp!). i couldn't understand it at the time b/c it was with someone who he'd told me a year earlier if i ever saw her, i'd laugh (at her appearance), then he ended up sleeping with her!! now i know differently. so, if yr ex got with someone only 2 days after she left you, it means she's on the rebound. leave her alone and don't contact her. i'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but regardless of how upset she is about the bad news she's had, she made her bed now let her lie in it!! she has a new bf to help her get over it. chances are if the situation was reversed you wouldn't hear from her (you're getting info 2nd-hand from her sis? that's bad). if she misses you and wants to talk to you, she will. why are you bothering to care about her and/or show concern when she has made it clear what she thinks of you by her callous actions? put yourself first - you deserve someone who will treat you MUCH better than she did. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thanks lgirl. Her sister messaged me on MSN, I was surprised. She said sorry to hear about you and my sister. I said thank you. She said I bet she is being really cold isn't she? I said yes. She said, she's always like this and she always gets a new bf straight away, me and all my family are so surprised about this one as she was so into you. If she didn't have a new bf she would be ringing you all the time, but she says she is really happy with this new one so we'll have to see. I prefer you to him though. I thanked her. She said her sister had been really upset last weekend because of her friend's death but she hadnt seen her since as she has been at her new bf's house all week and hasnt even been home. I told her please to not tell me things like this and she said sorry. That was it. Anyway, I sent the text, that was her reply, I replied and just said, "Make sure your new bf looks after you! Best of luck" and that's it. I am not gonna text again. I havent contacted her since last Friday, so a week today... Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 If i ignore her then lgirl, do you think I will hear from her again? I just can't imagine never hearing from her or seeing her again, I really care about her. She isnt a bad person she is just a bit messed up. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Sadhatter, let this be a lesson for you. I think the whole incident with the friend was an excuse to contact her. And it backfired. Yes, she took the opportunity to bloat about her new bf, and that sucks. Now stay put in strict NC. You don't need this girl in your life. Take care, Ilse Link to comment
Itsok Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Sadly it means she just isn't interested in you anymore and it's time to move on yourself. That's cruel that she stabbed at you with the 'new boyfriend' remark, but just a reminder that she isn't someone you want in your life. Do strict no contact and move forward. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Moved on in...two days from a year relationship?! Link to comment
Itsok Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I think sometimes people stay in relationships when they aren't sure how to end it, or they stay in for extended periods of time trying to decide if 'you're the one for them.' There are many more individual reasons, but it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that the relationship has ended, and you don't need her. This same situation happened to me before, and I was devastated. He had a new girlfriend in a matter of days, and later I found out that he had been dating her on the side for some time as well. The moment I found out, I did strict NC and never spoke to him again. I'm a better person because of it. If they really cared that little about you, you don't need them in your life. There's nothing you can do but move forward and not look back. Link to comment
WildChild Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 He was in a relationship with her for a year! How is giving his condolences to her an excuse? Especially given the circumstances of her friend's death?! Was it right for her to say that to him about the bf? No. Could she have been planning this breakup for awhile? Possibly. Showing human kindness is not wrong, if anything it shows more of what this world needs. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thanks Wildchild. I think sending that text was one of those things where people are going to have differing opinions. For example, I saw her bf comment as a dig..."we both knew him, we have each other"...but someone else I know (who actually doesnt like her either) sad..."I dont like her but I don't see it is a dig...she's just letting you know she's not alone". Not sure she'd been planning it for a while really...we had an argument and then a few days later she had a new bf. I was - and still am - very gutted and want to get back together...maybe I am a soft touch - most people I know wouldn't give her another look after the way she has treated me. But still...I love her. Can't help that. I just wish she wasn't acting like a 17-year-old and realised how much I care about her. Link to comment
lunatic Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 He was in a relationship with her for a year! How is giving his condolences to her an excuse? Especially given the circumstances of her friend's death?! Was it right for her to say that to him about the bf? No. Could she have been planning this breakup for awhile? Possibly. Showing human kindness is not wrong, if anything it shows more of what this world needs. I do agree with Wild on her last comment. It is never a bad thing to try and show someone you care about some compassion. Even though they are broken up it was a nice gesture. Link to comment
WildChild Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I do agree with Wild on her last comment. It is never a bad thing to try and show someone you care about some compassion. Even though they are broken up it was a nice gesture. Thanks Hub Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thanks guys. I just care about her soooooooo much, I wish there was something I could do to get her back. Link to comment
WildChild Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 That's where ya gotta stop. You care about her, BUT she is with someone else. The last thing you need to look like is a needy bumbling fool. I'm not saying to drop your feelings like a hot potato, but you have to concentrate on yourself and not her. Because I hate to say it, she is not concentrating on you right now. You sent her your regards about her friend, and leave it at that. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Yes, I am avoiding that. I just replied to her text earlier said, "just make sure he looks after you! best of luck" That was it. Made it look like I wasn't that bothered (even though I am!). I just hope she realises she made a mistake, although considering she's been with this guy three weeks now, it doesn't look likely... Link to comment
WildChild Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Three weeks isn't anything. You know how many relationships break up in the first 2-4 months? You handled yourself well Now, concentrate on yourself and with that, she will see how well you ARE doing and more than likely regret it. It's Friday, go out Link to comment
lgirl Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Sadhatter, just read yr post about the text she sent you and i have to say that was very heartless of her to say she had her bf to take care of her! that's really rubbing your face in it. that's just plain cruel in my eyes. i think you are wasting your time - she sounds incredibly immature and self-absorbed. your sweetness is lost on the desert air! that was a really noble reply you sent her- good for you. now wash your hands of her; you are selling yourself short by even wanting to maintain contact with her. i know it is very painful, and you just want it to be over and that having contact with her probably makes you feel better EVEN though she is the source of your pain. i understand that. but it's not down to if you ignore her, you won't hear from her. you re ALREADY not hearing from her b/c she is with her new bf!! that's your reality - she has no intention of doing anything caring for you b/c she doesn't care. she is too wrapped up in her own bs. no, she might not be a bad person, as you say, but why do you want to be involved with someone so messed up. it will only lead to more pain and hurt (and humiliation) for you. NOTHING you do will influence how she's going to treat you now. you can call her or not call her, it won't make a bit of difference to how she feels about you now. she has moved on. actions speak louder than words. you have to remember that. right now you are feeling too raw. so don't think about the future and if you'll hear from her. try and take it a day at a time and recognise that someone who loves and respects you truly would never treat you the way she has. that's not love my friend. so why settle for less than you deserve? Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 I agree with lgirl, she was rubbing it in your face. And if you cannot take it one day at a time, then 1 hour at a time. Do whatever you can to make it through the day with NC. Trust me she will come back and I hope you're strong enough to say "you lost your chance". You deserve to be happy with someone who loves you and respects you. Link to comment
SadHatter Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 Thanks for your replies everyone - I really appreciate them. Not sure she will come back to be honest...would like to think she would so I can say, "Go away!" or words maybe a bit more harsh than that! However, things like that never happen to me - no doubt I won't get the opportunity to have that satisfaction... Link to comment
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