I'm at it again.

[SlipperySammy]

In Oct gf and changed some things up which helped us with 'our' problem...(lack of sex.) We talked alot and stoped using condoms and switched to a combination of BC pill & Smermicide these changes inproved our sex life but we seem to be back @ fighting again.

 

We kinda stagnated again and I was waiting for a possible pick up in our sex...but finally I just get fed up and tell her how I feel. I think the most frustrating part is when I try and talk to her about it she withdraws into her self and literely says nothign to me, (thats pretty weird if you ask me!) Basiclay talking about the issue only makes it worse which in turn motivates me to keep to my self which in turn makes me feel lonely and frustrated.

 

This whole thing is so stupid, and I am so sick of it. We have such a awsome friendship but her lack of libido is like a big pink elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about.

 

We went literly two months with out her proactivily touching me in a sexual manner...in a normal relationship doesn't a girlfriend touch thier boy friend sexualy now and again?

[ScreenagerX]

I can only say one thing about this based on things I have just found out through my marriage falling apart due to similiar circumstances.

 

I found out that my wife did not like having sex with me. Of course I took it badly. But she explained that it was not my fault. She had a bad self image of herself (recently had a baby). I was trying to combat it by complimenting her & disagreeing with her when she said she was fat or whatever.

 

Perhaps start by giving her more attention, without thinking its going to lead to sex. Women sometimes just like to cuddle. Compliment her & try to understand her.

 

Not sure if that will help but it advise I should have given myself months ago (or actually got her to talk about it with me earlier)

[SlipperySammy]

Another thing that bugs me, lets say we are laying in bed kissing. She hardly particpates at all, like she doesn't want to be doing it...or doesn't know what is going on.

 

You know when you are making out with some one and there is passion...you might purseed to sex through stages...like one person feels the other and in return the other person feels the other...then one person takes the other persons shirt of and then the other does the same...etc...

 

When we kiss she just lays there doing nothing! leaving me thinking * * * is going on she clearly isn't into this...and then I stop because she is not recipricating and she says, "Whats the matter?" and I'll say..."it doesn't seem like you are into this." and she will get all worked up thinking I will be mad or somthing and is like, "I am I am...keep kissing me."

 

What do I do now? If I stop because she isn't into it every thing is awkward and she thinks I am mad, and gets all worked up. If I keep going I have to have sex with a pillow...woops I mean my girlfriend...(get it because she is just lieing there.)

 

Our relationship is so messed up.

[RayKay]

Sammy Sammy Sammy!

 

Sorry to hear things have taken a downturn since your last update of sorts.

 

Seems like she is rather passive aggressive according to your last statement....you can tell she is not into it, yet if you decide you want more then that, so stop, she plays the "what's wrong" card. I'd imagine then it happens again the next time?

 

 

This whole thing is so stupid, and I am so sick of it. We have such a awsome friendship but her lack of libido is like a big pink elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about.

 

We went literly two months with out her proactivily touching me in a sexual manner...in a normal relationship doesn't a girlfriend touch thier boy friend sexualy now and again?

 

So, you have an awesome friendship, but is this what you want for the rest of your life, to live with a giant pink elephant that does not want to admit it is a giant pink elephant or discuss it's being an elephant?

 

In other words, are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with this issue always being there...because truth be told this issue has been going on a LONG time. It's not changing. No matter how many talks you have, books you read, candles you light.

 

So...what do YOU want, and what are you going to do?

[dr_skier]

Sammy bro. I have read many of your posts and see similarities to my situation as well. Honestly bro i have been at wits end at a few occasions and almost broken things off. But your situation is truly worse than mine. That sounded bad and i'm not trying to make you feel bad. Perhaps take a weekend to yourself somewhere and get your head straight. But listen to RayKay, she has a lot of helpful advice to share. Good luck friend.

[Tigris]

Sammy I agree with RayKay.

 

She's not enjoying it at all! As RayKay says this could be your relationship for the rest of your life if you ever marry her.

 

She feels bad about the way she's treating you so she's allowing you to do whatever you want!

 

I went through something similar with my 2nd husband. My problem started because he was becoming 'mechanical'! I'll explain.

 

He had a set routine! I knew how long he was going to kiss me before moving on to fondling my breasts. I knew exactly what he was going to do there and how long it would take before he moved on, etc. He always ended up being satisfied and I wasn't! Sometimes I would just give him oral to get it over and done with and then I'd say I didn't want anything in return.

 

It didn't matter how many times I talked to him about it and explained how I felt, after a week or so the routine would return! Eventually I discovered we weren't compatible anymore and we're now in the final stages of divorce!

 

It's decision time Sammy! Do you love her enough to continue this way?

 

Good luck and take care.