Why do people need to hate?

[1824blue]

Just a general question about why some people even if they are actually the dumper themselves have to pretend or act as though they hate their ex, after the break up for no good reason. I understand the no contact, which is impossible in my situation as we work together but if the dumper was truly fine and over their recent dumpee can they not just be cordual or at least acknowledge the dumpees presense? It is so much harder to heal when you are forced to see each other everyday. Its also hard to be loved for the past year long relationship and then be completely descarded the next.

 

My questions are though:

 

Why do some dumpers have to all of a sudden act as though they hate the dumpee after the break up? Does it mean that they are having a hard time getting over the person that they still have to see everyday? It is insecurity?

[deejay74]

Why do some dumpers have to all of a sudden act as though they hate the dumpee after the break up? Does it mean that they are having a hard time getting over the person that they still have to see everyday? It is insecurity?

 

 

i asked a similar question no too long ago on here. from what the people who replied said, it may be a defense mechanism for the dumper to be able to cope with the break up. sometimes it's easier for the dumper to act that way so they can get over it.

 

also, it may be that the dumper doesn't want to give the dumpee any false hope of getting back together in the future.

 

my ex was very warm and nice during the break up, she even gave me a big hug and a kiss on the lips when she said good bye, she also said she wants to be friends. when i saw her and talked to her the other day, she didn't even seem excited to see me and was rather indifferent (perhaps even cold) when i was talking to her.

[locolady]

I split up with my boyf of 4 years together - he drunkenly cheated and afterwards sobbed and sobbed, said he'd done anything to make it up to me, that he'd give me space to accept it and that he'd be waiting for me as long as it took....couple of weeks later, i want to give us another go and he decides theres no chance it would work - now he acts like he hates me?? I cannot understand it either and its killing me. When i broke down once he said its because it hurts him to see me hurting and he gets frustrated because he knows its his fault - he desperately doesnt want to make it worse for me by giving me false hope by being affectionate. Unfortunately he has no idea that him acting like all our time together means nothing to him is a whole lot worse and sometimes i;d do anything for a gentle word or hug from him!

[hellokittykitty]

I think they act like that both as a defense mechanism and also to deflect any possible wrong doing they may have been responsible for. It is easier in my opinion to act like you hate someone than to admit wrong doing - whatever that may be. You may also feel defeated so you hate them because you have no other reason to hate them.