have i done something wrong?

[helpneeded]

cut long story short and make it to the point...

 

i'm back together with this woman who was seeing another woman. and last friday, she split up with her....though this affected her mood, she was still fine with me, and she'd txt me as usual, ask me what i'm doing, tell me what shes thinking and doing etc etc

 

that other woman has been on her knees literally begging for her back and just crying and crying for days, so my woman said we'll talk about it another time (i.e. this fri nite just gone)...

 

so come yesterday, she txted me to tell me that its been a very long and sad day but that they're not back together. however, she's been off with me....she hasn't really txted, she hasn't asked about me, and when i ask if she's ok she just answers 'as can be'.

she hasn't txted to say gd morning, she hasn't told me her plans for the day...its just all out of character...

 

what have i done wrong?...i've stopped txting her now, hoping i'll hear from her at some point 2nite. i can understand she's upset over the break up cos the other woman is causing a LOT of problems....but is there any reasons as to why she's being cold to me?

do i assume things r off between us?! it's really confusing me, pls help!

[Relationship Coach]

HN,

She has made a difficult decision and it makes it worse when the OW begs and pleads. She does not need to have two people stressing her right now, back off a little. Let her know that you understand how difficult the situation is and you want to be there to support her not stress her. She understands how you feel for her, now show her. The OW will continue to drive her away the more she pushes your GF. You have to show her that you are secure in your relationship and you trust her. Support from a distance and let her initiate contact.

 

RC

[curlygirl47]

This is good advice. I was in a similar position. My fellow's ex-wife came crying and begging and showing up when we were together (when she lost HER boyfriend), and my fellow pulled back and then finally broke off with me --- he was feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation: his feelings for me and mine for him, his guilt about his ex and their son, everything. I was deeply hurt (and I'm still hurting), and we haven't talked for 12 days, but I've been very understanding and didn't do any begging etc. I wrote one letter and let him know that I was here if he wanted or needed me and that I was fine. Today he left a message for me to call him back. I am trying to get my emotions under control before I call him back, and I don't know how this will turn out, but I guess I just wanted to say I agree that backing off is your best move. Blaise Harris, PhD, author of How to Get Your Lover Back calls this the Loving Take-Away, and says it should be a gentle act, but it speeds up the chance of your lover coming back and it also restores balance.

[helpneeded]

ok thanks RC, i think i understand. but i'm just worried about the whole thing and how she can suddenly not seem to care about me, cos last week when they broke it off, she paid me a lot of attention and care etc....

i guess i should just assume things r still fine between us as she hasn't called it off herself yet. Thanks