So... February 14th is nearly upon us...

[jigsaw]

Single or not I've always thought little of valentine's day. I am very romantic, but I feel like V-day obligates you to do something, because it is expected of you. A large part of the fire that fuels romance is the unexpected, the mystery of it all. Obligations and expectations don't serve romance well.

[RayKay]

I am up for that 100%.. but where exactly can a single guy go on V day to meet women? clubs (90% are drunk and probably looking around to get boned!!!) bars might be better.. and where else can you go? should you go out alone ? or with friends (single ones obviously ??

There are usually parties and such that are for singles on V-Day. I know of some where everyone gets together and brings pics of their ex and burns them in a bonfire, then they all have a great time. They can be smaller, or larger organized events.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I just remembered that I had a sports hernia operation on Valentine's Day in 1995. Kinda symbolic.

[Kevin T]

Let's see... I'm off this Valentine's Day, so I'll probably just spend the entire day in bed. I am 100% certain that I'll be spending yet another Valentine's Day alone. Oh well, just means I get to keep more of my money. Woo. Besides, sleeping is probably more productive for my body anyway.

[canyoukeepasecret]

When I was single, my bestfriend and I would celebrate a girls night out. Not to pick up guys, but to just have a lot of fun. that way, I always looked forward to the occasion regardless of if I had a boyfriend or not. Now that we're both dating people, we still find ourselves making plans and continuing our tradition.

[volution]

Read a personals ad. Career and income are often the biggest requirements women go for. Ironic, isn't it?.

Women want love and attention, commitment and communication....from a guy with a solid career and good income.

 

I believe the women that really want love first don't tend to post Personal Ads....

[annie24]

I believe the women that really want love first don't tend to post Personal Ads....

 

That's not true! I posted personal ads, because I wanted love, first and foremost. Now, I don't want to date a man who is 30 and still lives with his mother and plays video games all day. It's important to me that my man has SOME kind of career or life ambitions, it doesn't matter how much he makes, just that he has some kind of ambition in life in a field that he can support himself financially.

[Dako]

Annie,

Mommy said you can come live with us. I just got a new XBox and I'm going to be a rap star.

[Kevin T]

That's not true! I posted personal ads, because I wanted love, first and foremost. Now, I don't want to date a man who is 30 and still lives with his mother and plays video games all day. It's important to me that my man has SOME kind of career or life ambitions, it doesn't matter how much he makes, just that he has some kind of ambition in life in a field that he can support himself financially.

 

Hey! I still live with my mother and play video games! lol

[volution]

That's not true! I posted personal ads, because I wanted love, first and foremost. Now, I don't want to date a man who is 30 and still lives with his mother and plays video games all day. It's important to me that my man has SOME kind of career or life ambitions, it doesn't matter how much he makes, just that he has some kind of ambition in life in a field that he can support himself financially.

 

What happens if the man that can support himself financially treats you like crap, but the man who might still be at home treats you like a princess?

[annie24]

I need the entire package, not just one or the other.

 

Why is he living at home? Is it to help out his elderly parents, or he has a mother in a wheelchair? That is fine with me. Or, is he saving money while going to school? Fine. Or, is he a lazy bum that smokes weed all day and has no job or ambitions. Ug... not fine.

[Dako]

Annie,

I wouldn't want to date a woman who doesn't work either, but I also wouldn't write an ad looking for a sugar mama. On second thought...

[annie24]

LOL - I remember the guys in my college classes would tell us girls, "We want to be trophy husbands one day!!!"

 

No, I didn't have anything written in my profile about wanting a sugar daddy. Yuck. that's just awful and degrading to myself and my partner in my opinion. Just so long as it's a legal job, and he can support himself, and the job is making him happy, that's all I ask for. (But I never wrote anything about that in my profile, but the way I wrote my profile, men who are like that would not be attracted to a woman like me.)

[shes2smart]

Y'know, I think for a lot of women, myself included, it's not about the money per se. As I'm fond of saying, I can buy my own dinner, don't need a guy to to do it, thanks. But rather seeking someone who's in a position where they're behaving like a self-respecting person with some self-esteem.

 

If a person is of average (or above average) intelligence and has no physical or mental issues that make working out of the question, then I see no reason they shouldn't be at least attempting to generate enough income to keep themselves reasonably housed, clothed & fed. Even my developmentally disabled brother works to support himself to the best of his ability.

 

My husband had just divorced his first wife, was living with his grandmother, and had a not-so-great job when I first met him. This didn't prevent me from getting to know him/wanting to be with him. Once I got to know him, I knew his situation was only temporary...he wanted something better for himself than sponging off his grandmother indefinitely. Last year was the first year since I've known him that his income was anything near mine and the first year he's been able to contribute in any significant way to our shared expenses.

 

I had no problem supporting the both of us in the past, nor would I in the future because I know he's not a freeloader. He's not expecting me to support him and I never expected a man to support me, either.

 

Now, my alcoholic ex...smart guy, able-bodied...but he didn't want to work for anything. He expected the world to give him a free ride. I did support him for a while, and eventually, yes, I did have a major problem doing so because he wasn't even trying to help out.

 

Being poor is not noble. Being comfortable or even well off is not a sin. A poor man is not necessarily a better person than a rich man. A person who has self-respect and a decent level of self-love will want to take care of themselves properly (decent place to live, decent food, clothing) and have a few nice things/indulgences now and again. A person with additional desirable traits will want to attain those things through their own efforts and not expect others to carry them.

 

Granted there are some women (and some men) who are looking for a partner who will give them whatever they want in a material sense. There is truth in the saying "Those who marry for money earn it." It is their choice to do so, and if that's what they want to do with their lives, more power to 'em.

 

However, I don't think you can make the generalization that women who use personals ads are looking only for men with money. What's happened, IMO, is they're using the money as shorthand for or an indication of the traits I discussed above.

[Dako]

Good post. Once again you've lived up to your name.

[shes2smart]

Good post. Once again you've lived up to your name.

 

Ah, y'know, I was thinking more along the lines of "smart" that makes people laugh...or wanna smack you....but I'll take the other kind, too.

[annie24]

Thank you for that eloquent statement S2S!

[shes2smart]

Thank you for that eloquent statement S2S!

 

Oh, please...you people are embarrassing me.

 

Let's call it what it was......long-winded.

[Dako]

Good, it's working!

 

Honestly, all of you smart ladies here keep me grounded.

The last ime I went through a painful breakup in my 20s, spent two years hating all women.

I was a real jerk.

[Kevin T]

I should reiterate before I look even worse. I'm only living at home still because I haven't finished school yet. Soon as I do, I'm out of here! (Truthfully, I hate living at home with the two people I live with.) Also, I don't smoke pot - or even drink for that matter (my parents do enough of that for all of us.)

 

Besides, being only 23, it hasn't become too much of an issue with women yet. I tend to go for someone a couple to a few years younger than myself anyway. Someone who is 25 is a little too old for me at the moment, especially since we're probably at different stages of our lives. She having a career, most likely, while I'm still an undergrad student.

[Boricua7]

I hope something wonderful happens on valentine's day. I don't care if it is that my boyfriend comes to see me or that my dad sends me chocolate or that my friend put a little heart that says "I love you" on my door. I just want something wonderful to happen, no matter how big or small. That's not too much to ask is it?

[capricorn85]

I think V-Day is okay, but this year I am not feeling it. I can't spend it with the one I really want so I could care less about the day.

[ravenfox]

i have never had any sort of hoopla so if something happens this year i will be shocked and amazed. cancel that - im stupid enough to always have expectations so i will just be normal vs. disappointed!