friends but not more

[cranberry]

If a guy asks you out, and you are not interested in anything more than a friendship, can you still accept the date and say we could go as friends? Or is it "better" to just turn down the whole date?

I'm asking because I met this guy in one of my classes--well actually he met me, he just sat down next to me and started talking. Today I think he was hinting at asking me out--he asked my plans for the weekend and I said I had to work. I can tell he likes me (because of other things), but I don't feel the same way. I enjoy talking with him, but I just don't feel it.

[DN]

Don't go out with him - he probably has friends but wants a girl-friend and he would be put in an awkward position. How can he decline your counter-offer without looking like a jerk. And if he accepts he would still be hoping you would change your mind about the friendship only idea.

[Kevin T]

If I asked out a girl and she said yes - as friends or not - I'd still be thinking I had a chance. I don't believe it would be fair to him to accept if you're not interested.

 

I'd rather be flat out rejected than led along thinking I might have a chance. In other words, I'd rather know I have no hope, than cling to a false hope.

[cranberry]

Thanks Kevin and DT for the quick replies.

 

So for future reference, how do I turn down a guy?

[DN]

You say something to the effect: "Thanks, I am flattered that you are interested in me but I can't return it". Smile when you say it and make sure you get his name right!!

[newts]

Don't accept to go on a date - it may give him false hope that there is a chance of a relationship.

[Belle]

Cran,

 

I'm in the same boat. A friend that I hang out with a lot has asked me out now twice and I had to tell him no. He tries to use the friendship shoe horn to get me to go out with him but we both know it's a date and I'm not falling for it. I simply told him politely that I had already made plans. I like him as a friend but I'm not going to let him lead himself on.

 

If he asks me again I will use the "I'm only interested in a friendship and I hope you can understand" route. But other than the activity we both have in common, I don't see him socially so he doesn't get any ideas.