Physical appearances...

[bzborow1]

Hi there!

 

I broke up w/my ex gf of 5yrs 3 months ago and I've recently started dating again. During those 3 months, however, I had heart surgery with left me with a scar down my entire breastbone. I know you're not supposed to care what other people think as far as appearances go, but I can't help it in this case it seems.

 

First off, how long is it appropriate to wait to tell someone you've just started dating about the scar? I mean obviously that's not something you'd like to tell someone as a first impression of you for sure, but I was wondering how long is ok. In addition, I had the surgery only a month ago so the scar is still really red...I guess I feel just too ashamed of it right now i'm wondering if I should just put off dating until it's fully healed.

 

Anyways,

 

Bill

[AN]

Hi Mr.B, don't even worry about it. I recommend you take a hot shower or watch a nice movie. You don't have to tell her if you don't want to, or only do when she asks. If you want, you can initiate a conversation about the past and ask her if she has any permanent memories. Relax Mr.B, lean back, breath and smile.

[New Found Glory]

anyone who says no to you, or is scared off by a scar

 

1) lives in a box, because everyone has scars

2) isnt worth your time or trouble

 

i dont think you need to tell people about the scar right away, you may wanna tell them about the surgery, mention there is a big scar, see how they react, i wouldnt show it off, but dont try to hide that it is there.

 

--- added from next reply (swingfox) ---

and i believe its Mr.B

[glassbell]

I am a girl, and honestly Bill, I wouldn't mind AT ALL if my date turns out to have a scar, even if it is large. I would rather worry about your health, after all you have had a heart surgery and that is how you got the scar.

 

I don't believe you need to mention it on a first even a second date, but as NewFoundGlory says: if you want to find out if a girl would be scared off by a scar, initiate a talk about it by mentioning your surgery.

 

Saying 'no worries' doesn't make any sense of course, because I cannot control your feelings, but in your case it is the only thing I can think of, because a scar really shouldn't be an issue standing between you and a girl. Enjoy your next date!

 

~glassbell

[faeriechyld]

1) lives in a box, because everyone has scars

First of all, that was hilarious!! But very true. Everyone has scars, noticeable or not noticeable. I'm sure any girl who you deem worthy will not be bothered by the scar. And if she is, she has no heart as because of that scar you alive and well!!! I wish you luck!

[michiganmale27]

I can totally empathize with you. I have a scar, however mine is in a more noticeable area, on my face. I flipped off a bicycle when I was 15 and have a scar below my lip, along the crease of my upper lip and on the bridge of my nose.

 

Anyone I have ever dated "claims" to not notice the scar. Who knows maybe they are being honest, but I am reminded of the accident everyday I wake up in the morning. It has affected my self-confidence to a degree. So yes, I know what you are going through. My ex-gf said she never noticed it until I told her.

 

Everyone, at one point of their life, will be sewn up for some reason or another. If someone is that shallow, that a scar along your chest is going to affect a relationship it's best to part ways.

[secret_agent_man]

Hey bz, don't feel bad, it probably saved your life the girl you meet may have never had the chance without that scar, it's a good reminder of how precious the time we have is. Don't do anything until you're comfortable, but don't let it haunt you. Everyone feels self conscious about something, I had acne pretty bad as a teen, and looking back, people didn't care. I stayed in a lot of nights that I now realize I could have spent out. I wish I had, but I know I won't let things like that bother me next time...

 

Hope it's a help, stay positive!

S.A.M.